Getting out of the hole

Getting out of the hole

Hi guys,

I am sorry that I have not posted much in the last couple of weeks. I am pretty drained and I am literally on survival mode with the goal of just getting through my day. l have been lucky to get regular physio input at work to help me get my pain under control. One of the physios at work saw how much I was struggling so she has been coming to the PNI office and treating me there in between her patient appointments. Luckily we have a treatment bed there too. That for me was a big improvement as it saves me driving frantically through London traffic to see my previous physio. I have noticed that stress exacerbates my pain so that convenient access to massage therapy and accupuncture has been heaven sent. I am so grateful for her care right now and in return I have been buying her lunch and coffee whenever she comes to treat me. I think its important to show appreciation and its my way of saying thank you as she does not need to be doing it and it is coming from the heart.

Since she has been seeing me, the good news is she feels my muscular spasms are improving a lot over the last couple of weeks. Our aim is to treat all the secondary muscular issues by January and I hope by then I can start a rehab regimen including ROM exercises which I am still unable to do consistently without bringing on the pain. I will try to add her to this community as she is very knowledgable and I think she can provide a lot of value to other people on HU - I will do my best for you guys!

With regard to my pledge to walk/run on a daily basis, I have kind of stayed true to this. Wearing trainers to work so I am power walking all the time. Unfortunately I cannot run for more than a couple of minutes but I will keep at it and hopefully by January I can run for 10 minutes or so without any pain - we shall see!

Although there are definitely some positives, my own motivation and energy levels are so bad at the moment. I went to bed at 7/8PM on Wed/Thurs but I still feel exhausted all the time. I know that I need to wean myself off some of these meds as after a while they really affect your psyche and morale plus I am sure having part of my brain always thinking about pain is not helping either. I have reduced my nightly Diazepam to 2mg now and we will see how much that affects my shoulder/back pain. Hopefully by January I can come completely off that and the Amitriptyline. I need my brain back!!

Honestly, I feel like I am a deep hole these days - that is how drained I am. Somehow I HAVE to get myself out of it and I will not stop believing. I just need to keep making incremental tweaks to my daily routine to conquer this all.

Oh and diet has been thrown right out the window - its so bad I don't even want to talk about it!

The pic below is of me with my back/shoulder against a radiator at work - what have I become!

Its Saturday so I will go to the gym today and tomorrow. Come on!!!


4 Replies

  • Hi I have read most of your letter and I have a few points I wish to make if that is ok with you. I find if I cut out ametripteline at night I have terrible spasms in my back. I am on lyrica as well I was told diazepam if you use for more than 3 days you can become addicted is this true

  • Hi Abbi,

    Ah we are on the same cocktail. It is right that Diazepam is extremely addictive - thats why we only prescribe a small number of tablets at a time. My back spasms get a lot worse when I try to lower my Diazepam as its actually a muscle relaxant. I need to try wean myself off these meds though - my head is like a swimming pool in the mornings!

  • Hi

    You are dealing with so much and are doing epically. Im glad you are getting physio at work- kind lady.

    Well done for reducing your meds, thats a big thing in itself. I have needed alot of meds in the past but i kept tweaking and reducing and now i am on much less, and feeling better for it.

    Chronic pain is hard work, its no wonder you are drained. Sending you positive thoughts and wishing you all the best.

    Hedgehog ☺

  • You are the best, Hedgehog!! I love your positive support. Dealing with chronic pain has been the hardest and loneliest battle I have faced. I like to think I am a strong person but my lord did it knock me for 6!

    Focusing on documenting my journey and sharing the highs and lows help me a lot and thank you again for your support! Much needed right now!

    Hope you are well,


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