Not myself/Out of sorts

[Vo321]

I don't know if anyone else has felt this way but I'm hoping to get some responses on this. Since Monday morning, I woke up not feeling quite myself. The best way I can describe it is fatigue,self-detachment, extremely low mood and anxiety all in one. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I take 50mg Sertraline, which I've been on for a few years. I have tried talk therapy previously and it has been somewhat beneficial in managing some anxiety symptoms. I've also been feeling weepy (without crying) and experienced mild palpitations. In previous years I have had several 'attacks' and upon arriving at A&E been told I was having anxiety attacks. Anytime I feel strange or unwell I have a habit of becoming a hyperchondriac and will not rest until I figure out the problem. Because of this I can easily sit for hours googling symptoms because I'm convinced my brain is malfunctioning (no joke), which causes me to continue worrying. I've heard of terms like depersonalisation/derealisation but I'm not sure if that is what I'm experiencing.There isn't a single thing I can put my finger on as to what may have triggered this strange feeling. I haven't spoken to anyone about this because I don't know if I'd be able to express it without someone thinking Iost it. Any advice would be much appreciated.

[LyndaGould]

You must be really anxious about this, is there someone you trust that you can talk to. Every feeling and emotion is better shared with another human being. Take each day as it comes and trust your body to heal itself. I find being outside really helps and a walk may be good? Take care.

[Vo321 in reply to LyndaGould]

Hello LyndaGould,

I'll certainly consider opening up with a loved one. My problem is I overthink how the other person might react to my concerns. But that's something I'm willing to work on. I find that meditation calms me, I think I'll get back in the swing of doing it. I shall remember the 'one day at a time' rule. Thank you.

[michichgo]

I'm sorry you're struggling but I'm not surprised. Vasculitis can do a great deal of damage to our bodies and it can be a challenge, both mentally and emotionally. Can you seek assistance from a professional therapist?

Vasculitis can really wreak havoc on our bodies. Please don't suffer through this in silence. You are not alone and I believe many of us have felt something similar. Be gentle with yourself and don't judge yourself harshly. It's another hurdle in the life of a vasci patient. [Gentle hugs.]

Michele

[Vo321 in reply to michichgo]

I really needed to hear this, thank you. I'm coming to the realisation that this illness comes with ups and down and that I shouldn't get so caught up with it. It's comforting to see that other people can also relate to my experiences. I am feeling significantly better since writing this post. I will try and find a therapist in the near future to aid me with some of these issues.

*Returned hugs*

Regards,

Vo321

[Suzym2u Moderator Vasculitis UK]

You must discuss these feelings/odd symptoms with your consultant who you see for the Vasculitis.

[grindhaus]

Hi Vo321, how are you doing? Any change in the odd feelings? Don't feel alone in this- I have been a big-time symptom checker for side effects of my meds, what could this pain possibly mean... (well, aren't we advised to mention or bring up any new symptoms as it may mean some sort of relapse or new disease symptom... now they just think I'm a hypochondriac, and just am attention-seeking and really like diagnostic tests).

Don't know if you are on Prednisone, but on high doses it made me extremely anxious and ready to jump out of my skin. My heart was pounding all the time. I was prescribed alprazolam for it. After the prednisone dose came down below 30mg, I felt less anxious, but I still have issues with depression. Apparently some people get depressed after we suddenly fall very ill, nearly die and wind up semi-crippled from a rare incurable disease which leaves us a shell of our former selves... who knew? At any rate, don't rule out a pile of possible med side-effects. Sorry if I just gave you a bunch of new stuff to worry about and research-

Beyond meds, I've taken a class on Mindfulness for Chronic Pain which has been a certain amount of help. If you haven't tried this, I'd recommend you at least give it a go, should be easy if you already meditate. I've also used it to calm myself when I am particularly ill and anxious.

My friend, who recently survived breast cancer and subsequent double mastectomy, chemo, and full hysterectomy, told me once, "We all know the 'Take one week or day at a time' adage when things get tough, but when really bad, maybe we need to take it one hour at a time, or even 5min at a time, to get thru a really bad moment." I've taken her advice and it helps. That and breathing concentration (try mindfulness).

Please talk to your doctor or counselor as the others suggest if things are not improving for you. And, don't forget that we are here, and we know what you are going thru.

Hugs and hope~grace

[Vo321]

Hi grindhaus,

I think you've just expressed what vasculitis is really like in the most accurate way. I haven't been on prednisolone for over a year so I don't think that was what was making me feel that way. Chronic illness and mental illnesses combined is a battle in and of itself. I'm glad that you are finding healthy methods to take care of your mental health. Mindfulness is something I think I'll start looking into to help with my anxiety. Your friend is a great inspiration from what you've just shared! The next appointment I have with my consultant next month, I'll make sure to bring up these symptoms. Thank you for the support,

God bless.

Vo321

[Christophene47]

I have not felt myself for 2+ years; if you are on Prednisone, a common side effect is difficulty with mood. I doubt you are a hypochondriac; you are "listening" to your body. It would be good if you have someone you could talk to in person.

I have some good days, but mostly not. I have long ago (long before diagnosis) felt that sense of depersonalization; but it was very transient.I do know what it feels like; not pleasant. It will go away, I believe. Hang in there.

[Vo321 in reply to Christophene47]

Thank you for the encouragement. I realise now just how many other people have these similar experiences.

All the best,

Vo321