I've felt low this evening, no painkillers. Just an Epsom salt bath, & hope. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post a quote. But I've been scouring through Pinterest for some inspiration and I came across this beautiful piece.
It hasn't taken my pain, or made me feel any better than I did a few seconds ago but it has had an impact on me. I guess you find out who your real friends are in time of need, as mine have disappeared, my family are in crisis with each other, & my boyfriend works long hours & I confide in him almost everyday. But after reading this quote it feels like someone out there had a piece of me.. written almost about my life as I know it. & it's helped. I'm not the only one suffering but it is a lonely place sometimes. I don't like asking for help and maybe that's the Leo in me, the stiff necked pride, but sometimes it's nice to talk & get things off your chest. I don't speak to anyone really, mostly my diary but the diary doesn't speak back, it's tough because no one in my entire family have what I have, & this beautiful place has gave me such comfort. A community of lovely people some suffering in the dark & some walking into the light. I'm in between but I'm thankful. I'm grateful for the replies & the helpful advice & support. I feel as if I'm a burden to my family, & im trying to help them when they need me which is almost everyday, but when I'm curled up in bed crying out no one has any time. I've always put others first but since the possible GPA vasculitis occurred I've had to change, try & at least put myself first sometimes. I do get called selfish, stupid & lazy for having a rest day, & as all sisters & brothers have some sort of rivalry my brothers & I have never bonded. & they make it extremely difficult to have any time at my parents. Today they said out loud " here comes the Leper" I laughed it off but it hurt, a lot. Sat and ate dinner & my younger brother of 23 said " id rather not sit by it, as I could catch that disgusting disease.." she's a freak" "look at those legs" " who'd want to sit by you with all those scars & spots" " join a circus sis you fit right in" I couldn't stomach my food, my dad is the inbetweener, he's a great support to me of late, but my brothers will always be the apples of his eye. I guess you can say they are ignorant, to vasculitis or any other illness & I think it's cruel to mock a pain you've never endured. I'm sorry it's been a bad day, & I'm in pain without any relief & sometimes it just hits home, sometimes it hurts, & it's ok because every body hurts & sometimes Quotes heal pieces of me that I didn't realise were broken beyond repair.
P.s I'm not depressed just needed to get this off my chest. X