DEATH BY REJECTION

[Tony50]

I had a kidney transplant in 2014. I'm suffering with anxiety, depression, and reclusiveness. My life is a mess, and I'm unable to hold down either a job or a relationship. It's pointless being here, and I've had enough. If I was to stop taking my anti rejection medication, how long would it take to die, and what would the process through kidney graft rejection involve?.

[gilders]

Please don't consider stopping the antirejection meds. You will feel less depressed in the future, but by then you'll have lost your kidney due to not taking the meds.

As far as how long will it take to die? I can't say exactly, but at first you'll have the symptoms of kidney failure and if you seek no help, you will eventually die. But it won't be quick and painless, it will be slow and agonising.

Stopping antirejection meds is not the solution. Go see your GP and tell them how you feel. If that is too hard, phone the Samaritans. It's not unusual to feel how you feel, but you do need to talk to your GP or Samaritans.

[coaching]

Hi Tony50,

I do empathise with what you are going through. During my first transplant i went through what you are going to right now, it wasn't worth living anymore and I didn't have anyone to confide in. There wasn't any kind of forum such as this one, where you can chat to people that are in the same boat as you are. Dying is certainly not the solution and I know you are tired and had enough. The cocktail of medications that we take come with side effects and some of us have it really bad. Just hang in there slowly you see things will start changing.

[Tashe]

Tony, Please don't stop medication. You're so lucky! I have had to stop because I have cancer of the mouth. It took 12 days for my kidney to completely fail. This can vary endlessly.

Think of me and my struggles now.

It's tough, but it's only one life.

My hopes for you. Regards, Tashe xx

[Legomegamind]

Those meds are your lifeline for your kidney. Therapy can help with depression and anxiety

[AlisonWales]

Dear Tony

So sorry to hear how low you're feeling. I've watched my husband go through a similar journey the last few years. He is now feeling so much better, please try antidepressants and you may need to change a few times to get the right dose for you. And counselling - talking things through out loud can help some of the hope to come back in.

Massive respect to you. It's a huge mountain you're climbing . Things will get easier, contact your GP please.

[Dotti55]

Agree with all these other answers, and having suffered thru depression and anxiety myself I know with proper therapy and medication it can be helped and you can live a better life. If nothing else, think of the person who gave you that kidney. If someone died and it was donated to you, you owe it to them and their family to not waste the life and chance it gave you; if a friend/family donated you need to think about what you meant to them in order to give you life. There are far too many who would give anything to have the chance that you were given, how can you possibly think of abusing and wasting that chance without doing all you can to preserve it.

I wish you the best.

[Hidden]

Stopping your anti rejection meds will cause you to suffer more because you will get sick and have to go on dialysis. If you think you will "avoid the hospital" and die of kidney failure that would be a slow, painful, agonizing death. It probably won't happen anyway because you are likely to wake up in a hospital having emergency dialysis through a femoral artery catheter.

The first two years I was on hemodialysis made me so depressed I contemplated suicide. Instead I just stayed high all the time.

I don't recommend either one!

I was antisocial and reclusive unless I was around people getting high. I didn't care about "relationships" because all I wanted was sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll.

There were some things that I needed to change in my life and I bet there are some things you need to change in yours. Maybe there is a issue where your brain is not producing serotonin properly and antidepressants and SSRIs would help you. For me drugs didn't help (prescription or illegal) they just covered up the symptoms of a bigger problem.

My problem wasn't mental nor was it physical due to my illness or drug abuse. My problem was spiritual. I recently had my 18 month anniversary of my second kidney transplant after 15 years on dialysis (3 on hemo 12 on peritoneal.) That third year on hemodialysis was one of the best years of my life. I started spending time with Christians and attending a little Baptist church. After a few months God saved my soul from the living hell I was going through and I am closer to God today than ever. Jesus Christ is the answer my friend.

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[Falkenhayn]

Whatever your problems, cultivating rejection of the graft is not the best way out of them, since patients in a state of rejection are profoundly ill. The ultimate consequence of the rejection will of course be return to dialysis, which for me was a kind of living death, since the treatment to keep me alive took up my whole life, so what was the point of living? So I would recommend trying to preserve your graft and minimize symptoms by developing some new treatment plan with your doctors.

[erikylii16]

I’m feeling this way too....I want to escape from this feeling of worthlessness and things are at an all-time low.... relationships, etc suck and I don’t feel like I have much to live for anymore. Nothing has went positive since transplant..... I wanna give up, this hardly seems worth it

[smashandgrab in reply to erikylii16]

Please, please speak to your GP or renal team about this as is often caused by certain meds and if talked about can be sorted.

You have been given the gift of life by someone and need to do the best you can to live the best life you can but you will need to talk to someone about this and get some needed help. You are not alone as many transplant patients go through this and do manage to come out the other end.

Good Luck

[Santaponsa1]

I agree with others, wanting to die is not the answer by stopping medication so your precious gift fails. You received your kidney in good faith by someone who had no option by losing their life through a health problem but signing up to the register to save a life , so please give them who kindly donated and their families who had to watch their loved one die but seeing the joy someone else received ( a massive blessing indeed) which we should be grateful for. I'm a kidney recipient and went through hig n lows following my gift, however never once ever wanted to stop my medication by throwing this second chance in life away. I'm going through a terrible time also just now for nearly two years with a terrible gastro problem which I'm tied to my home due to same and at the moment changed me as a person for it's soul destroying,however I'm soldiering on for last thing I would want would be to upset my family by wanting to die especially when my husband donated same. Please give this beautiful gift a second thought. Wish you all the very best and please stay strong and hang on in there. Keep us posted on here re your outcome for the future. God Bless 🙏🏻 X

[smashandgrab]

Sadly the meds and the stress can cause anxiety and depression but your GP and renal team will be used to this side effect and will know how to deal with it so do speak with them about your concerns and start to get this sorted.

Is the depression the reason you cannot hold down a job and relationship? Please speak to someone about this so you can start to enjoy being alive again.

[LisaSnow]

Hi have you seen a therapist yet?

[Dara3351]

I am sorry you are going through anxiety, depression and being a recluse! I think all of us have gone through different stages after the transplant. At first we are adjusting to the meds, trying to feel better and we do! I can tell you I have gone through so many changes just based on my labs. I had my transplant a year ago. Six months later I started having these vomiting episodes. I questioned my transplant team could it be my gallbladder? They kind of blew me off because it wasn’t a regular episodes. Nothing is worse than vomiting your guts out along with your meds. This went on for 6 months until one day I had the worst episode and decided I had had enough and went to the ER. Well I had an endoscopy where they found I had stones that blocked my liver, gallbladder and pancreas. Two days later I had my gall bladder removed! I now feel absolutely fantastic but yet I go through these bouts of just being a couch potato until I saw my weight gain. I started walking on the treadmill because now I have been diagnosed with diabetes but my nephrologist says I can reverse this. Have you talked to your transplant team or nephrologist? Have you figured out what’s causing the anxiety? I think all of us have gone through depression probably because of these meds. I would recommend you talk with a therapist. Do you have any hobbies? I started decorating my condo which really got me active and out of bed. Have you tried joining a meetup group in your area? I joined and go out to dinner, the symphony, dancing, etc. I doubt if you would want to die a slow painful death. You have been given a previous gift and you should enjoy the gift! So please take care of yourself and look to the future to see what good things are coming to you in the future!