If your child has ts and swears and says ... - Tourettes Action
If your child has ts and swears and says rude things should i tell my daughter it's not ok to talk like that or am I doing the wrong thing
HI Kerriann
Whilst your daughter can't help saying these things and would have no or little control over whether or not she says these things. It may be useful to try and work with her to teach her how try and supress them for a short while until she is in a place to let it all go. There is a book by Doug Woods on Amazon called managing Tourette Syndrome, with a parents workbook and it might be worth trying some of the techniques he suggests. But do let school and every one know she is not just being naughty but genuinely has to say it. Only you and she will know which are tics and very difficult to control and which might be a little bit of naughtyness and controllable with your help.
Good luck
Thanks for that x
Hi Kerriann,
I think this question will have arisen in the mind of many, if not all, parents of a child who has TS. It's a constant see-saw between knowing that a child's tics, whether motor or vocal are not their fault and the question of whether certain behaviours ought to be ignored, embraced, forbidden or encouraged to go in another direction with habit reversal techniques.
At times, especially in the early days, I was always asking myself 'Am I being a good/bad parent if I...?My 12 year old child has dozens and dozens of different tics, both motor and vocal, and obsessive routines that rule his daily life. (He deveIoped TS aged 10) I ignore as many of them as I possibly can because I know that having TS is stressful enough without having me adding more stress on top of that by nagging him. He doesn't swear or say really rude things at the moment, although I know that can develop with TS (he has a contradiction tic which is a bit annoying for me but annoys him much more because he himself is naturally the most polite person on the planet!). But at times I feel it has been necessary to play the parent card.
He had a couple of obsessive tics/routines that he felt he had to perform that were very dangerous to his personal safety and cars on the road. (He doesn't have OCD). He always wanted to cross a road twice to tap each pavement to even it up to 4 times. He would try to launch himself into the road without warning to complete this routine. In the middle of a tic, we found he wasn't really aware of his danger to himself when he was doing this. He was concentrating on the tic and nothing else.He also developed one where he tried to walk around the lamp posts at the edge of a road, which meant he tried to go out in the road! Aghhhhhh! So my husband and I took a stand. We discussed the matter with our son's TS habit reversal therapist and CAMHS nurse, and after that discussion came up with the term 'it's a must'. It was very simple in the end. Anything that is dangerous etc is not acceptable. It was really hard for our son. He insisted he couldn't stop it. We insisted he would have to. Even saying that to a TS sufferer made him want to do it all the more! We wanted him to supress the urge to do that tic, and then when it was safe, express the tic in some other way. It was hard, really hard, but he did it in the end.
He also used to tap people too which is socially unacceptable. He found a way of reversing this with our help, but he mainly did it himself. When he wants to do that, he channels the tic into tapping his own hand or nodding. The nodding is unusual, but still more acceptable than invading someone else's personal space, especially since our son is a tall 12 year old now. I think the key was that we didn't say NO completely. We told him if he still needed to express the tic, do something else to let all the suppressed energy out when he safely reached his destination. then go right ahead and let it all go!
We've only tackled tics that were absolutely necessary to change. There have only been a few amongst the many he has. Vocal tics I've found to be different. The contradiction tic I find simply rude. I didn't want to let it go completely 'cos the parent bit in me didn't like it if I'm being honest. My son doesn't like it either. I've expressed my thoughts about it. I've examined the tic in detail from my and my son's point of view. He's not being bloody minded. It's a tic, pure and simple. I've asked if there is anything he can do about it and I'm now leaving it there.
If he can't. I'll back off.
Hard though isn't it? We can't put too much pressure on our kids with TS, because that increases their stress levels that they have to cope with, but on the other hand we still have to be parents. I think I'll try that book Suzi13 suggests. I'll continue to question if I'm doing the 'right thing' and constantly wonder if I'm being a 'good' parent. If I see a tic that is damaging my kid's health or badly affecting how he copes with society I'll digest it and see if there is anything that can be done to help. Most of the them I have to ignore. You and your daughter are the only ones who will know whether it's a tic or not. As parents, we won't always get everything right. I just do my best at the time and hope for the best outcome.
You don't say whether you are part of a TS support group. If there is one in your area I heartily recommend that you pop along. Oh my goodness it's nice to meet other people who are going through the same thing and know you aren't alone! Just to talk to to other parents and TS adults and hear how they tackle things is invaluable. Tourettes Action have a full list of groups that meet throughout the country.
I wish you the best of luck with everything.
I see its been five months but I'm new . I liked reading your post and I really think you have done a great job with picking out ok tics and not ok tics and working with them.Im sure all of us will agree all tic childern are different in some way.What happened with us is Jacob picked up a TS news letter and was reading a story of another boy explaining his tic.....guess what Jacob picked up that tic with in min: We have found out that everyone has some form of tic but some are lucky and it doesn't come out. Jacob being around other tic children he started a different tic.....not saying all TS pick it up just ours did .Thanks for being here and sharing your story