I don’t think I can go on much longer, my health issues are getting worse and I feel very depressed now to a point that I’m completely numb to everything and everyone yet feel deep loneliness and not only physical pain but oddly enough mental pain in all my numbness there’s still pain underneath. It’s pushing through more and more now. I find myself wishing that I didn’t wake up one day. I looked up best ways to not wake up but I don’t want to hurt my husband. I often lay there in the morning thinking is this really my life now? No friends, no job, no emotional support.. my family don’t really understand or seem to care much.. everyone cares about their own shit.. no one offers to help if I don’t say.. I do everything no matter the pain I’m in.. and I’ve just had enough I feel my marriage is barely holding on, husband overstressed and overworked.. 3 years living with my narcissistic mum and my distant stepdad.. just don’t have the will anymore. I can’t work I can’t do anything until I get my health back.. Nothing is good in my life and by the looks of things I don’t think it will get better.. I’ll be 30 next year.. I’ve wasted 3 years chasing doctors and no doctor has helped or seemed to really care. Im just another waste of space and money which my family has to fork out to pay for my treatments and living.. what’s the point of me staying.. sorry to share this long post here, I’ve just had enough of stress and gloom in my life. Hope other people are luckier. I’m not so lucky.
I’m loosing it: I don’t think I can go on much... - Thyroid UK
I’m loosing it
Hi glaciera
Bless you dont feel like that your not on your own believe me there are thousands of us that feel like that now and again i can tell you. The thyroid journey sometimes feels like a big hill to climb and that hill gets so high and we feel we cannot even start to climb it ...but then there are days when things start to feel a little better medication..people friends and family seem to help a little. My husband and my son do not even start or know what to say to me about my thyroid...or even tty to understand as long as the meals are cooked clothes washed thats all that matters lol...for 2 years ive been bedridden and still after 2 years of trying ndt private endo etc. Taking all the right vitamins gluten free diet no alchohol etc.. do i feel better no i dont and sometimes i feel like you and think what life is this! But you have to be strong and hope and pray that one day soon with the correct medication and support which i must say you will get from evrryone on here they are brilliant girls they will help you. Keep your chin up be strong for your family honey they need you things will get better. I wish all the luck in the world take care.
Christina
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I know I “should” be strong, I usually am the strongest one but things I’ve dealt with in my life just pile up and keep on coming, I am trying so hard to keep it together. Thank you for kindness. 🌷
No sleep for me tonight just cannot sleep just want to say thanks for your message i was a little worried as i hadnt heard from you. Take care sending hugs x
Christina
Absolutely know where you’re coming from, I have days when I feel exactly the same. There’s nothing physical for anyone to see so they think we’re making it up! I wish there was some type of simulator that they could go in that mirrored the way we feel. It’s impossible to explain how debilitating this condition is when you can’t get the right treatment to make you feel somewhat normal!
Are you on medication and if so perhaps share your results so the members here can help you.
I hope you get some support and start feeling better soon. 💐💐
Hi, Thank you for responding. Yes exactly, to a stranger I’ll just look tired.. I get so lonely in my health routine and diet.. it’s crazy but what you eat and your overall health really affects your relationships with other people. I’ll try to share some results tomorrow maybe, it’s hard to find motivation to carry on with my diet etc when it’s not making any “significant” difference.
I feel pretty much the same friend,my endo have given up and I feel I may as well do the same,but somewhere deep inside we know we wont be beaten, my very best wishes are with you
Thank you. I understand hope you find cure or find peace 🌷
they have given up on me im afraid its just grit your teeth and bare it,i hope they do mare for you
You have my sympathy, and empathy too. All I can add is what I have learned after 68 years of ill-health, and the problems that it brings, and that is that the universe will never give us any task or problem that we can't overcome, and that it will always give us what we need, even if that isn't what we want.
And this may sound uncaring, but it is meant to be the opposite. Stress and gloom are what we create in our own minds, although we prefer to blame something external. So see if you can get some help on here with your medical issues, and then try and focus on the positives instead of the negatives.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, funny hearing this from someone else as it’s exactly what I’ve always told other people, I’ve followed this advice and tried so hard to think positive thoughts. I’ve ran out of them. It feels like I don’t have control anymore over my life.
I read this and thought about all the many challenges I have faces I’m a single mother taking care of 6 my Graves’ disease has left me bed ridden for weeks I have been back and forth to emergency rooms so many times I lost count my Tsh level is 42 so I have changed medicines a thousand times. Depression not being able to eat. Sadness, loneliness. Have all creeped in on me. Because I’m all my kids and the 4 siblings I adopted have. Yet now I finally have control over it. My tsh was a 4 when I just went to the doctor a major drop in the numbers I learned that my disease feeds off my depression! I almost had to take the I don’t care approach to get my help together I had to stop thinking about others and think about my self. I began taking long walks,writing in a journal! Any negative thoughts I start writing them down to get out my head since I couldn’t find anyone to vent to. The doctors will continue to medicate you without finding the source so I started doing research and found different foods that could help me. And I’m okay now. Don’t ever feel like your the only one going through it. It’s plenty of us. Who experience the same thing. I’m not able to work like I want yet I go to the temporary company and work on the days I feel like my body will allow me to. You just have to find your peace. And go from there
It makes me very sad and worried for you and others. I’m sorry medical system has failed you too. I don’t have my peace anymore but I’m looking. 🌷
My heart goes out to you, it is such a common feeling with thyroid conditions. Have you any blood results to post here, great advice here.
I had to change my doctors practice for more support, I think you should tell your doc how you really feel. I have found u tube helpful. I have to be my own champion and look after myself very well, a lot of people find our condition very difficult to comprehend (putting it nicely). Good wishes to you 💐💐💐
Thank you. Yes I’ve told everyone how I feel.. problem is for a long time I was doing ok mentally, with “I can do it attitude” in-spite of daily struggles with managing my physical state and many personal family problems and major stressors I was keeping it together.. most days.. but 3 years is a long time to be wasting away to be constantly shown ignorance and incompetence. To be spending my days mostly alone. To have given up all the foods and activities I’ve enjoyed. I’m not living anymore really. Just breathing it feels like. But thank you, I’m holding on🌷
I’m not sure whether anyone has asked this yet but what medication are you on and have you checked your levels /blood test results? When was the last time you had a review. I’ve just come out the other side of an awful year as I was on medication (NDT) that didn’t agree with me. I’ve tried a few and found one that suited but it got taken out of circulation. So I switch to what’s available and slowly started to get depressed and tearful, anxious, weight gain insomnia blah blah. Switched to another brand on Monday and I feel like a light has been switched back on. Please get some help as it could be a tweak is all that’s needed xx
This disease sucks and it sounds like you are very low at the moment! I hope just telling us all how low you are may help a little. Believe me many many people on here have been where you are or still have days when life feels bleak. I have to have faith that this world has need of us however useless we feel at a given time.
Years ago I found CBT a fairly useful treatment for managing chronic pain, it doesn't take the pain away but helps you cope and after six months I felt happier in myself and was well for years until this horrid hypothyroid. Now I'm sometimes well and sometimes not but the well times do help me to cope with the low times. I hope you find some well (or just slightly better times).
A tick list is my basic survival tool. I put really easy things on it like eat breakfast, drink water, take tablets, brush teeth, walk down stairs, post my feelings etc. as well as harder ones and then make the ticks really big when I manage to do anything on the list. In that way I somehow get round my really negative state and feel that the day has been somehow positive (seeing big positive ticks for me is part of how it works).
It sounds like you are really found of your husband as you don't want to hurt him which in my mind means you are a loving valuable person and your support for him even when you don't feel you have done much will be making his life better than without you even though your illness doesn't allow you to see this at the moment.
I also find that finding out about things such as diet and vitamins and things you can do for yourself is a better mental place than looking for help from doctors which for me has always been deeply disappointing and distressing.
Vitamin D, B12, fish oil, sunlight, zinc all help me as does regular good food (not too much junk).
Good luck!!!
Please pardon me for nit picking but would you mind if I alter your list to:
"take tablets, drink water, WAIT ONE HOUR - (which will include things like take a shower, make the bed, walk down stairs, empty the dish washer, feed the cat, dog etc., watch the news) - THEN eat breakfast, brush teeth, post my feelings etc."
I think having your breakfast before taking your tablets could be preventing you from absorbing the medication. All the things you are doing are very good, just change the order.
Reading this, I felt really teary. I does suck so much.. nothing helps with pain for me, just sleep.. it takes away all pain. I have exciting fun dreams sometimes even scary nightmares are better and more interesting than my life right now. I do love my husband a lot but feel useless as a wife who cannot help support him or give him children. Living back at my parents place with my husband is very stressful for us both. There are many stairs and sadly our room is top floor so I’m always walking up and down and my legs hurt so much. I caught a flu the other day and couldn’t make it up the stairs so I crawled. I’m on many, many supplements, hoping soon I’ll feel better. I just want to feel happy like other people. 🌷
Dear Glaciera, Living with parents sounds very hard and I'm sorry you feel so bad. I too was once at a place where I had to split a flight of stairs into three bits and rest at each stage in order to get up them so your description of having to crawl really resonated with me BUT I did get better from there and you just have to have faith that somehow you can to. There is a lot of advice on here about supplements and taking your medicine and some may work for you but none I'm afraid are a quick fix.
Paradoxically being so ill when you get a virus that you just have to rest does mean you are less likely to get a nasty post viral fatigue rather than someone who is able to "battle on".
I too was around your age when I got really ill (28) and was trying without success for a baby. It took 10 months before I was any where near normal and that was just going back to work part time.
I am now 50 and have been mostly well for 17 years or so despite very high levels of stress (a sick husband, house moves / building projects and six children one of whom is autistic!). 5 years ago this stress and the menopause hit me and I was ill again but the skills I learnt first time are helping as is learning as much as I can about thyroid and being as patient as I can with myself (not always easy!). I would say I have more good days than bad but the bad ones can still be very rocky and I feel for you.
Good luck! Thinking of you and wishing you well!
Hi there - you say you are on many supplements - these can cause issues if you don't need them or they are too high a dose - having a nutritional background can you let me know what you are taking - it might help with the pains.
You are not alone if you visit here. They are so helpful and kind.
If you have a thyroid problem this is the place to be. It takes time but things can improve for you . Sadly not many people do ‘get it’ about how bad you can feel , accept if you come here you will see you are part of a group who do care. Blessings xx
To Glaceria and everyone who has replied to Glaciera - will you give me permission to print out your replies and send them on to someone who is in the health ministry - as I think both Glaceria and others who have written here just about say it all about the disgraceful treatment us thyroid patients have to endure and I mean endure.
Glaceria, I so feel for you ...............it is difficult to get anyone to realise how we feel unless they have experienced it - I had a family who said I looked well and what was the problem and I was always going on about my health - and now the medical profession seem to be making me feel I am a nuisance to get off their books. I also had a narcissistic Mum....which doesn't help does it? I have had to pay for my treatments because it wasn't just thyroid hormone I needed but other hormones like oestrogen - testosterone etc. etc. - oh if only I had the money I would pay for you to get some sort of treatment that will help. Can you tell me what county you live in - and what treatments you have already received - you say you pay - what have you paid for ............please don't give up there is a way forward - and if I can get these replies off in a letter to someone who needs to be told - perhaps your plea for help might go someway to getting something done and was meant to be.
Absolutely please feel free to use my post. I would like to add that my Doctor refused to increase my Levo when my TSH returned to within the normal range even though I was so ill I truly believed I was dying and had resigned myself to the fact. I was on 25 mcg of Levo and if my Doctor had his way that’s exactly what I’d be taking now. This baby/ starter dose had absolutely no effect on my symptoms but my Doctor was following guidelines and simply didn’t care!
Myself and many others have been forced to source NDT or T3 and have to keep it secret from our Doctors. Is it any wonder our thoughts turn to ending it all?
I wonder if the people at the top actually know what is happening at ground level- by you allowing me to send off your 'posts' it might help others. thanks.
Yes you have my permission. Good luck X
Thanks Mary ............
Sent you a private message with what might just be your miracle cure!
Don’t give up. Are you Hashimotos or what? Where are you and what medication are you on and what are your blood test results. I am not the person but some people on this wonderful forum would point you in the right direction if you post results and difficulties. Everyone on here understands and supports you.
I’m trying to not. Yes, amongst others. I’ll try to post some more info as soon as I will find the time to sort through the large file of all my results. I’m with a naturopath currently paying privately for all the medication etc and it’s costing me (my family) an arm and a leg. Things shouldn’t be this way. Conventional medicine is seriously screwed up I feel.
So sorry you're going through this, and at such a young age.
One place which you can try is the MagnesiumAdvocacyGroup on Facebook. Helped me a lot over the last four years when doctors couldn't/wouldn't. It has a simple protocol to bring minerals back into balance.
Had the numb but overwhelmed with pain thing too, worst depression of my life and I felt exactly as you did. Found a good therapist, but also the above mentioned group. Found ways to de-stress, I can only imagine how much you're under right now.
There are ways out of this, don't give up hope /hugs
Great thanks - it just so happens I am in the middle of writing to someone who is quite high up on a slightly different subject but still health related and on reading these replies today I think they are such a true example of what is going wrong out there - I couldn't but helped be moved to include this side of things.
🤗🤗from the bottom of my heart , don’t give up , don’t think about tomorrow just take each day as it comes .There are some really good people on here that could help if you post your test results, all of us here suffer from the hell of Thyroid and all of us here want to help one another .i can’t help medically but I can offer comfort 🤗 and a wee tip , go for a walk everyday it really helps 😘
Thank you, I’m so exhausted. I hope I’ll have more energy tomorrow.. I tell this myself everyday. But nothing changes. It’s hard enough to walk up a flight of stairs for me without pain, getting breathless, and a drop of blood pressure. So I try to take it easy. I miss being able to run freely. My legs hurt so much even at night. I’ve become a granny trapped in a young woman’s body. 😔
🤗🤗😘
Hi Glaciera Hold on precious. Your husband is with you overworked and overstressed as he is. Your mother probably has her faults but as you grow older you may find you also have things in common with her. Believe me, I saw my mother very differently at age 28 than when I was 58 and she was really quite an amazing woman I eventually realised.
While you read, read and read and then begin to make whatever changes you need to make to treat your health problem, would it be possible for you and your husband to make some changes? When we feel really down we stop connecting with those around us who care and that spirals us even further down the isolation route.
You might feel that this is totally beyond you at present but I'm urging you to be determined. Make an effort to ensure you spend time together once a week doing something new. This might be critically analysing a film you've seen, cooking a special meal you haven't tried before, developing games you might introduce to others you spend Christmas or other occasions with or something else entirely. Whatever it is though it should connect you both and take you away from your problems for an hour or two. You might not have the head space to make decisions at the moment but if you alot the task to your husband and decide to go along with whatever he suggests, the outcome could surprise you.
If you don't have your own garden, could you take on an allotment as your health improves? They tend to be quite sociable places and growing things can be amazingly enjoyable.
I suppose, what I am suggesting is something that may temporarily lift your spirits in the short term but which may, over time and with improvements to your health, lead to overall feel good times. Good luck. You will come out of this I'm sure.
Gosh, your post made me cry. I’m so very sorry you feel this way and I can understand why you do. Keep searching for an answer please. As long as there is a little hope... You WILL get it sorted.
Wishing you well with a little hug. Xx
I certainly will do but it may take a while as I have a large technical document to produce.
First of all you are not a waste of space, you are loved even if you don't feel it right now but it can feel that way sometimes. We are in charge of our own mental and physical health sometimes it feels very lonely like noone else is helping. It feels as though we have to battle with docs to get the help we need. Sometimes it seems as though we are invisible and noone wants to help.
My husband tells me I'm exaggerating my symptoms and I shouldn't bother with medication....what I'm trying to say is we are in charge of getting ourselves better and it can be a lonely process but there some amazing people on this website who will look at your blood test and advise you on the best steps foward. We are all in this together even when the docs don't want to help. Look into every avenue to get yourself out of this. I/we care xxx
Life is crap sometimes, but you aren’t on your own. I know you’re feeling really low at the moment and have every reason to be. I’ve been fighting thyroid issues for 30 years. There will be low moments, but there will also be highs. In fact I think the really low moments make you appreciate life’s little pleasures even more. Seriously, post your latest results and I’m sure you’ll receive plenty of advice on what you can do. Please, please remember that you’re not on your own.
Thank you for your support, I’m sorry I’ve been slow at responding, trying to find the strength and motivation to simply eat and shower. I wanted to write a letter too not that long ago, It feels like I’ve read so much on my health and tried so many things already, none of them were easy or cheap yet not much help came from it. I’ll try to share all that know so far and tried.. 🌷
I’m so sorry you feel this way . I took antibiotics 5 yrs ago and it ruined my life . I was left with anhedonia.. amidst my thyroid issues which were not overt but more sub clinical . I finally got to a point where I accepted it and then recently about a month ago took Flagyl and the same thing happened. I’m in your shoes. The numbness is awful . I found this website and it brought peace to me and I have to keep retreading it as the depressing and anxiety that came with this antibiotic is shocking . I forgot what that felt like . I found a group on FB that are like me . HVe you taken any antibiotics recently? This is the website .. May give you peace .... and hope . Www.anhedoniasupport.com. I haven’t done the program as I think it’s out of my budget but just the info here is great . I have a wonderful hubby too and son and family and a great life but can’t enjoy it .feel too numb but it’ll get better I’m sure . Hang on and hold on ... .
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