Feeling like a burden : Morning Does anyone else... - Thyroid UK

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Feeling like a burden

Dewberry1 profile image
14 Replies

Morning

Does anyone else feel like a burden with having a underactive thyroid to those you are living with.

I feel like I am just causing problems as I can’t eat the same as everyone else. Or maybe I’m not as fast or get tired easily.

I would rather live alone and do my own thing

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Dewberry1 profile image
Dewberry1
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14 Replies
Anthea55 profile image
Anthea55

Hi Dewberry1, I do agree. The food thing is particularly difficult.

I know what I can eat and I have to read labels carefully. Others know I'm gluten free, but ignore or forget that I react to potato as well, then I go to coffee and am confronted with something they've bought which is gluten free but they haven't read the label. I can't easily say 'Can I read the list of ingredients?' without offending them. I've tried telling them not to buy anything especially for me, but they still do it. I'm planning to take my own with me.

As well as the potato there's the oats. Potato is in most gf flour mixtures and most gf breads. Many products in the free from shelves contains gf oats. I was tested for food intolerances years ago and oats were top of my list - there's no way I'm going to try eating oats in any form - gluten free or not.

For explaining to family you might find this link useful.

healthunlocked.com/thyroidu...

It's a previous post with a letter for family and friends to explain how thyroid problems can affect us. Maybe you can forward it to your family or make your own version of it.

You are not alone.

Dewberry1 No absolutely not. Do I wish I hadn't had a thyroid conditions for 40yrs? Yes of course. But if I have a genuine medical condition not of my own making, I'm definitely not going to feel bad because it inconveniences other people. Regarding eating differently, I've been a vegetarian for 50 yrs, the majority of which was at a time when it was a wholly alien concept, and even now can drive some meat eaters to near violence, but I've never thought I was a burden to others because my eating habits inconvenienced them, and certainly wouldn't, if I had restricted eating options arising from illhealth. One of my adult children has very severe Crohns and I doubt there's anyone in the family or amongst his friends who is other than empathic about his condition, and certainly none think he is a burden - the burden of his condition is entirely his, sadly. I am waiting for heart surgery, and how I feel has been exacerbated by recently having had my Levo summarily reduced to almost half AND my T3 withdrawn without notice, so I'm currently not my normal "No problem" sort of person; and that's buggeration enough, so I'm certainly not going to add in guilt about how it may or may not affect others because I have nothing about which to feel guilty. For the first time ever, I've recently turned down requests to socialise and horror of horrors, have even backed out of arranged things at the last minute; but people who know my health circumstance, understand and don't mind - and if they do, then I don't want them in my life! As for not being as fast - my Mum had years of being slowed down by a serious heart condition, and two ultimately failing knee replacements, not to mention being as deaf as a post, and having the worst hiatus hernia her consultant had ever seen - which impacted greatly on what she could eat. But I assure you we never thought she was a burden - my daughter and I with busy careers probably enjoyed and benefited from being forced to slow down for a change when out with Mum, and especially my daughter who's naturally quite loud, had an excuse to talk loudly whilst with Mum lol. And as for eating, it was a challenge when out with Mum, but as both my daughter and I are vegetarians, Mum was probably easier to suit even with her limited eating options, than were we two! I'm saying these things to you because when you are feeling down, and burdened by your illhealth, as you seem to be, it can be hard to believe that you can ever have a different, better experience of life, but you can. Is there someone neutral with whom you can discuss your feelings, or can you see an independent therapist who can help you to change your thinking about the things troubling you - they are of course trained and skilled to help in such matters.

Dewberry1 profile image
Dewberry1 in reply to

Thank you for your kind words. I do have some very good friends in my life who understand things better. But maybe you are right about seeing someone as this has been a major change in my life

in reply to Dewberry1

You're welcome! As a clinical therapist myself until reluctantly forced to retire a few months ago due to my health, I would say this, wouldn't I lol, but talking to someone independent of us/our lives, has its advantages over friends and relatives. It's great to have supportive caring friends, but naturally they are biased, plus will have their own agenda, however well-intentioned; whereas someone with only a professional interest in helping you can remain independent of the "stuff" going on and focus on solutions rather than perhaps just rehashing the problems. What ever you decide, good luck!

Lotika profile image
Lotika

I do see where you're coming from... In my case I feel a burden to work colleagues as I'm no where near as efficient as I was... and I feel sorry for my husband who has a tired and sorry wife too much of the time! On a bad day I am poor company!

And I hear you with the GF thing too - I find it a total PITA...

I feel like I must be boring my friends with my whinging and that some of them probably wonder if it is all in my head - it is quite ridiculous, importing drugs from Bulgaria! And I can see why they might be tempted to think that if it's not available on the NHS then that will be because nobody needs it! everyone seems to know someone who has this, takes Levo and is just fine!

I think it is a struggle to feel understood. Having had a good couple of hours the other day(!) I realise some of my current friends have never actually met the real me, given that I've not been myself for over 3 years - crazy thought!

Anyway, better days ahead for all of us, I'm sure!

Lotika x

Fruitandnutcase profile image
Fruitandnutcase

I had Graves which was overactive but I never felt like I was a burden to anyone. When I was so ill I could barely move then that was tough if it bothered my nearest and dearest. It didn’t bother them half as much as it bothered me.

Then I developed yet another autoimmune condition and decided to go completely gluten free to reduce my thyroid antibodies (it worked!) my immediate family don't bother about it. I do have a neighbour who I can tell isn’t impressed but I totally ignore her digs - she did give me GF biscuits for my birthday though. When I cook I just make everything gluten free, it’s not difficult and it just looks like regular food in fact everything in my store cupboard is gluten free.

Eating out - I go online in advance and check out how GF friendly menus are etc so that I know where we’re going and what’s on offer and if it isn’t good for GF then we go somewhere that is.

Don't apologise for your condition, it isn’t as if it’s something you want to have so why should you feel bad about other people.

No one is perfect and we all have our own little quirks. I don’t feel inconvenienced by people who have health problems or special diets so why should people feel I’m a burden on them.

shaws profile image
shawsAdministrator

When hypo and not on the optimum dose it is our own bodies which cannot function so it is the doctors or endocrinologists who don't quite understand how to diagnose and treat us who cause these feelings. Our brain and heart need the most thyroid hormones and if we aren't on an optimum dose, i.e. TSH of 1 or lower with FT4 and FT3 in the upper part of the range, we cannot feel well.

Those who don't have hypothyroid (particularly family members) cannot understand our disabling clinical symptoms but they'd certainly change their mind if they developed it - which they could do as sometimes it does run in families.

We have to help ourselves where possible and the very first step you can make is to get a Full Thyroid Function Test, i.e. TSH, T4, T3, Free T4, Free T3 and thyroid antibodies. B12, Vit D, iron, ferritin and folate (if you've not had these tested recently).

The blood tests for thyroid hormones the doctor or lab may not do, but if you can afford it and get the ones the doctor will not do so that you have a Full Test. GP should definitely test vitamins/minerals.

We cannot rely on doctors as they seem to be very poorly trained - neither do they understand or know clinical disabling which are as follows:-

thyroiduk.org.uk/tuk/about_...

Theoretically, we should have no clinical symptoms when we're on an optimum dose or different thyroid hormones.

You need to get a copy of your blood test results, with the ranges. Ranges are important to enable members to comment upon them.

All blood tests for thyroid hormones have to be at the very earliest, fasting and allow a gap of 24 hours from your last dose and the test and take afterwards. This helps keep TSH at its highest as that's all they seem to notice.

Lotika profile image
Lotika

I was remembering what another poster said to me the other day - that sometimes these feelings are not us, but the hashis doing it's anxious and depressing thing to cover over the better parts of us.

Yesterday I was trying to bundle up some of the anxiety I was having at work and labelling it "hashis" in an attempt to put it to one side and to make it something other than me, my personality... something which will change eventually with the right treatment and therefore not something I need to beat myself up over... challenging stuff.

Rmichelle profile image
Rmichelle in reply to Lotika

I agree with what you just said-it is not us it is the hashis, the illness and truly think this does help, label it and try not to beat ourselves up over it as we are all quilty of doing this and also accept help when it is needed, its hard but true.😊

Dewberry1 profile image
Dewberry1 in reply to Lotika

Its very hard. I feel like I have changed completely. I never used to get anxious. Was very active and outgoing. Always bubbly. Now I feel down alot and generally unhappy. As someone else said its nice if you take the levo and are fine. But for the rest of us I feel as if someone else has taken over my body. I used to be so mentally strong. Does not help i am in late 20’s and feel i am missing out on life.

Lotika profile image
Lotika in reply to Dewberry1

Oh honey, I wish I could give you a hug! I know that feeling too... we will get better... my personal plan is to shell out for tests myself every 6 weeks and self-medicate with the advice here. It's been better than the advice I've had through the system so far.

It's hard to remember on a bad hashis day (when it's all you can do to get through) that it WILL be better when we get the meds right. I've now started to think that I'm giving up on doctors and I'm going to get the meds right here. Wish I'd had that idea sooner, though!

Lotika xxx

Dewberry1 profile image
Dewberry1 in reply to Lotika

Yes it will be hard but we will have to get through it. I have gone private now to try and get stabilised hope its worth the money. Just have to be patient with the personality transplant i guess x

Lotika profile image
Lotika in reply to Dewberry1

Ps: also know that loss of identity that goes with this. Gah. I will start a thread about that when my brain is functioning... could be a while😈

G2G2 profile image
G2G2

I can relate to the disassociation of who I used to be. It's normal to feel this loss & its accompanying grief. I'm a T1 diabetic also, which additionally limits what I can eat & do. I won't feel guilty for any of it since it sure wasn't a choice. I've learned to avoid negative people who believe I'm somehow responsible & those who give advice when they haven't a clue. Fortunately, I have supportive people in my life.

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