Need a groan? Or to play an awful game of bingo with comments from friends and colleagues?

[cwill]

My worst was being told by friend that has come to help that I simply needed to get up and get some sun. I was heat and cold intolerant, light sensitive, noise sensitive, barely able to eat, swollen everywhere, dizzy, falling over and in great pain so completely bed bound. This person ended with 'well I can see that you are not too good so I will come back when you are better'. If they don't see it they really don't see it.

hypothyroidmom.com/12-thing...

[Justiina]

That's just rude. Wouldn't call then friends after that.

[cwill]

Hence I lurk on here to talk to people. I am in a rural area and that was my local 'friend'.

[AmandaK]

When you're ill you really find out who your friends are. In my case I once struggled to muster the energy to walk a hundred or so paces to a phone box to call a friend to be greeted in the most callous of tones with, 'Oh what's the matter now?' That was the moment I realised that this so-called best friend had little compassion or understanding and her subsequent behaviour confirmed this.

Other people, who we may hardly have noticed before, can turn out to be our true friends, as they are the ones who demonstrate care in practical ways and who don't judge or condemn us.

Unfortunately I've seen this pattern repeat itself time and time again with others who are ill.

Some of our 'friends' only want us for what they can benefit from us so when we are unable to meet their selfish needs we become dispensible. It's heartbreaking.

We need people to be supportive.

I don't know if you are able to discuss this with your friend and explain how upset you were by their attitude? If they are unwilling to listen or change their attitude then it's possible the relationship will become increasingly fraught and the last thing you need is stress on top of being ill.

Thank goodness for this forum. It's a lifeline for many people.

[cwill]

Yes Amandak unfortunately some of have the full set of nasty things said. That particular person left that day and made no further contact. I wasn't really in a state to make any effort so felt that I was well rid of them - my brain might have been seriously addled but I was able to work that out. My husband had arranged them as my emergency contact whilst he was in USA for two weeks for work. Fastest way to cull your social circle is to be seriously ill with a diagnosis that is not a well publicised 'battling the disease' one.

[Matt8394Alien in reply to cwill]

So very true. I was medically discharged from military for spinal injuries and one "friend " said I should get out more. As if simply getting out more will heal all nerve damage etc.

[cwill in reply to Matt8394Alien]

So callous! I have a severely limited diet so even at two funerals I was forced to sort out my own food with venue not even warned. My family then had to acknowledge the issue in public as the staff were concerned and trying to be helpful. Although they knew that diet and travel to attend would be a huge issue they had simply told me to get on with it. But in life I am sure what goes around comes around.

[serenfach]

I heard two friends thought "it is all in her head", one that thought "you should pull yourself together" and one who said I was lazy. I was running my own business, physical hard work, and getting more and more frustrated at feeling so bad all the time. I dropped the friends (very rural area, like you cwill , rural Wales?) and did miss them, but felt better for not being judged all the time.

I then started NDT, climbed out of the slough of despond, and moved onwards. If they only knew what damage their careless remarks had done! It is bad enough having the GPs and Endos putting us down without so called friends adding to the misery.

[cwill]

Oh yes. They are so willing to comment on something that they know nothing about, or worse they are actually responsible for our diagnosis and prescription! When I hear twaddle I apply the cancer test: if you wouldn't say it to a cancer patient why are you saying it to me? But we have the last laugh as pretty much without support from conventional sources we have taken on the issue and dealt with it. And we no longer take everything our doctors say as gospel. Thank goodness for NDT 😀