how many of us have experienced this with 'friends'
Very true Blue.
Yep! I had a friend (well I thought she was) of over 30 years who I no longer see. I had always been there for her whatever her crisis (and there were many!). Then when I became very ill with this Thyroid thing and needed support, she was nowhere to be seen.
yes I have a 'friend' similar!--
I don't think it does anyone any good to harbour bitter feelings though, I always say 'what comes around goes around', & 'ignorance must be bliss' I generally try to look on the bright side and well aware there are people suffering with more serious health problems than I have.
Hi Butterfly65, you're so right! Being angry just takes too much energy!
Probably being a tad cynical here but I reckon if you can't contribute to a girls/ ladies night out by drinking copious amounts of alcohol, and then posting several pics on facebook to show everyone what a blast you're still having in mid life, or at any age, then you're obviously not worth knowing, and that is sad & they're the ones not worth knowing.
My lifelong 'friend' turned out to not be a friend at all when I desperately needed her help. Having this thyroid illness has taught me, amongst other things, who my real friends are.
yes totally I agree.
I Don't have any friends anymore. They all turned out to be like that. One woman came to see me in hospital - came twice, actually! Then expected me to be fully recovered when I was discharged. When she found I wasn't, she said : well, call me when you're better. Well... no. Just no. lol If you only want me when I'm well and able to arrange our little get togethers, then you'll have to learn to arrange them yourself. I'm not interested in a friendship like that.
I could write a book about all the 'friends' that have behaved badly to me. Such as the friend that was like a sister to me since I was 14. When I was going through a heart-rending divorce, she disappeared. Turns out she wanted to stay friends with my ex, so didn't want to 'take sides'. Well, if my ex is more important to you than me, you can have him! But I Don't want to know anymore. How could you do that to someone?
People can be so shallow & heartless. Sounds like you're better off without them greygoose.
Yup. As they say, with friends like that, who needs enemies. lol Guess I'm just attracted by the wrong people - certainly the wrong men!
I am sorry to hear about your friend greygoose. I really don't understand people at times but I am trying to learn in my old age that I just need to be me and be a decent person and if someone wants to loose me as a friend or whatever maybe they are not worth knowing in the first place. Harder said than done I know.
But you're absolutely right! There's no point in trying to be someone you aren't, just to please other people. It always back-fires on you.
Agreed and if someone can't accept you for the person that you are they not worth knowing in my opinioin in the first place.
I am another one who has many people out of my life now at 60. Its freeing really! xo to all of you!
xo to you too, 5858.
we should all be meeting here then we would have a massive bunch of understanding friends for life, all lined up in our sick beds helping each other......
This is touching on a very raw nerve with me, and I'm now weeping with pure sadness and anger since I read bp's post.
I have deleted a few fair- weather friends over the years without feeling any loss.
Yesterday tears flowed for no reason at all. What is happening that I can't stop them. It is so unlike me. I'm strong, but I'm very broken at the minute.
Jose651 We all have our low moments when we feel as if a feather might knock us down but just remember, what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger. I'm lucky enough to enjoy my own company and my friends are very aware of this, and have said they envied my ability to feel ok being alone because they have to be around people most of the time. I think over the years I've learned to toughen up and treat others the same as they treat me with no exceptions. Sometimes the more you do for some people the more you get trodden on because they don't know the meaning of give & take which applies to any relationship.
butterfly how true your words are, I am so 'accommodating and easy going i have been walked over and trampled on left right and centre, an d only just waking up, and readingyour post brings it home, I too have felt low like jose lately maybe something is in the air...
Don't be upset, I know that's easier said than done, especially when we feel ill but everything in this life is a lesson and we must all learn by our mistakes, weaknesses and our strengths. When I say toughen up I don't mean lose your empathy, kindness or understanding I'm just saying be more cautious of those who don't return the same to you,the world is full of potential friends we just have to choose wisely .Hugs to you both.
I agree with you Butterfly wise words. Sorry to hear about your struggles bluepettals
so wise butterfly
Me too Pettals, we are two of a kind. I have noticed how so called friends will sometimes telephone me only to offload for an hour all about themselves, not one question asked relating to me, then when the hour is up (most get an hour's free call they say got to go hours up and I am left reeling with the one way of it all. I do ask questions and take an interest in those around me but I find so many people are self-absorbed it is devastatingly hard to make a decent friend.
once upon a time joyia I was fit and well and young and lovely then got ill- hair went looks went money went marriage went and over the years friends moved away or got on with their own lives, one lifelong friend now just doesn't want to hear why I feel unwell it is quite upsetting and I feel now after us being to gether thru thick n thin
when times were hard fo r both of us, we no longer have an affinity as her life now is much easier especialy financially and no worries about money, so able to just go out holiday- buy stuff eat out and healthy too.. hey ho..
I know Pettals it isn't easy have a hug xx
oh dear jose 651woul d you like to move this post jose I am so sorry it wasn't meant to upset you..xx
Jose, it's your hormones, Darling. I used to get like that, too. But a good cry does you the world of good. Don't regret your tears, they are washing away the things that hurt. xxx
greygoose I agree with you. Great advice. I think when are hormones are not right we can all go a bit crazy. I had to get hormone treatment to sort out all my hormone issues the main side effect of doing that was I can get rather hot and sweaty at night.
bp, u haven't upset me at all my dear. Please don't move post.
I'll talk later.
It's just me.
ok jose xxx
apart from a few people eg my ex and a few close friends I always kept my health problems to my self. I always said to myself it is really nothing to do with my so called friends what I go through and I have always been a bit of an introvert.
when I broke up with my long term partner. I deleted all my social media accounts and stopped talking to the mutual friends. I had known most of these people for over 10 years but I was pleased I did that because everyone seemed to take continue talking to my ex and I was then given the reputation as a crazy person and no one including me bothered me to continue on or making the effort with these long term friendships.
anyone that I talk to these days are either fairly like minded to me or treat me with the same respect that I show them. I have no time for bs or anything like that with some people and I have learnt as someone else said the more sometimes you do for people the more they take the piss.
however I won't let any illness or anyone bring me down. 90 per cent of the time I am always ok because I figure life is to short and all that crap.
in my 30 something years of having friends there have only been two people in my life that I was truly gutted that never made the effort to try and keep in touch with me the way I did with them but what can you do.
jose and bluepettals I am sorry to hear about what you have gone through but as butterfly said we have our bad moments. Look after yourselves.
Spot on kalel, illness doesn' t define who we are.
thanks Butterfly. Exactly and that is the problem some people don't understand that and if you tell someone hey I have such and such the questions start and if you are like me you are like me you get to the stage where I can't be bothered and this is why I only tell trusted friends certain things. People don't just get it.
I can still remember another an ex of mine from many years ago asking me why I was so happy and I just looked at him and said its the disease it has gotten to my head and walked away.
Have a nice evening everyone.
I suspect that its just the way the relationships are set up. Often the people who were broken and you helped mend just cannot cope with a reverse in fortunes. I can do practical stuff, and the demise of relationships, but if someone is severely depressed they simply infect me and drag me down. So however much I might like to help I know I can't.
The fact that the people I picked up over the years weren't necessarily there for me when my life turned difficult doesn't trouble me. I pay out to the universe, and someone or something turns up for me when the time arises.
But there is one that surprises me and hurts a little. I had a friend who was very much there for me when the ex turned nasty and helped both practically and emotionally. But when her hubby was ill she really, really didn't want me around. I gave up in the end.
I understand what you are saying ruth and I find it hard to be around people who have a lot of negative energy but with saying that a friend who I have known for 20 years has had depression, epilepsy and all sorts of issues but we have always been there for each other. We all see things differently but to me the best part of our friendships is we both care and love each other and will always be there for one another if she is sad or whatever I will put up with her .. so to speak cause to me this is what a good friendship is about it and if she gets out of hand or I do with her well we just tell the other to shut the f up.
having friendships can be tough and I am sorry to hear about your friend I guess everyone loosing friends or people they care for at one stage in there life it has happened to me on several occasions and like I said above apart from two friends I never cared for the rest but we can't force a friendship upon anyone.
I have always gotten on with guys more than girls but I have noticed in my old that guys find it hard to be friends with women if they have a gf. Think that this was the reason my really good guy friend stopped talking to me.
anyway I best get off clean the flat and make dinner and get ready for integrated health appointment in town tomo. Chat soon everyone and lets try and remember crap happens in life it is how we dust ourselves and pick ourselves up that count.
kalel that is exactly like I call a real friendship, to accept an d be there in bad and goo d times and have compassion and empathy, and to be able to say shut the ** up and not take offence, I have found there are various people here who I think are just those types , and those who are supposed to be life long friends are not always who wethink they are or who we want them to be..
exactly bluepettals. Personally I never thought of anyone in my life as a life long friend but I have been blessed to have a few good friends in my life. The few people who have tried to keep in touch with me and did not bother with me well I dunno maybe as others told me people are to busy with there own lives to maintain a friendships or they just don't want to know but whatever the excuse is. I would rather put myself out there and be nice and pay it forward and get rejected than not bother at all. I just think life is to short and I don't want to have any regrets in life either but we are all different right. Agreed people are not always who we think they are but you know for me anyway the couple of people who I did want to remain friends with well I think I know why they stopped talking but I could be wrong but hey life is short we need to our enjoy our lives right even if we are not in perfect health.
A very poignant post bluepettals. I think most of us can relate to it too. If we allow people to treat us badly, they seem to do it even more when we are ill.
I think I'm lucky to have some very good friends, who have been there through good and bad times. The ones that phone when they know you are low, or just leave some flowers by the front door so they don't disturb you if you're ill.
I treasure every one of them, and try to care for them as they care for me. Just being a sympathetic listener is a useful skill when we care for one and other.
so pleased to hear that mariliz.
MarilLiz I think this is what true friendship is about being there for someone etc etc. As bad as this may sound I just feel like this type of friendship is a rare thing these days.
I ditched the friends who were a drain on my energy, who always had to have their own way all the time and expected a free taxi service. Don't miss them.
Hey Boots I guess we all see things differently but surely someone would only drain your energy if you allow them to?? I can understand why you ditched friends who wanted a free taxi service I have done the same thing in the past.
That's what I said, kalel, I ditched them because they were a drain. First whiff of all take and no give and they were history.
months ago when out for dinner with friends. I was diagnosed as just being prone to vasovagal fainting...
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