2 years ago I tried to commit suicide because of my thyroid

My message in which I asked for help in finding a new supplier of T3 caused such a stir, I don't know why since I saw many people here asking same question without such reaction coming from the others. Anyway I got info I wanted (thank you silicaC and others who helped me) and I can continue taking T3 on which I am for 18 months now. My history is very ugly but since few people demanded that I tell it I will. I became ill some 5 or 6 years ago. My results were showing just a mild case of hypothyroidism. I was given 50 mcg of levothyoxine which didn't make me any better. Talking to my doctor that didn't get me anywhere, he recommended that I should take antidepressants instead. I was hardly dragging myself to work, I was in constant pain and my head felt like it's going to explode. My legs were puffed I was forgetful, tired, I looked awful. My husband was always mad at me thinking that I am pretending so that I can skip on duties at home and yes mt house was dirty and in mess, I didn't have strength to do anything. We couldn't have kids as well, I know that it was because of me since as soon as my husband remarried his new wife got pregnant. Anyway, few months after my divorce, after a day at work where my boss was yelling at me because I did a lousy report and it probably was lousy since I had a massive migraine and brain fog while writing it, threatening me that I'll be sacked I decided to kill myself. I had some sleeping pills at home but I was afraid that it wasn't going to be enough so I cut my wrists in a bathtub. I don't know what happened after that. I just remember the hospital and that they told me that my neighbor found me. At the time I was angry at her for saving my life but now I am grateful. To cut the long story short I am self medicating with T3 for 18 months now and I am finally perfectly fine. Sometimes I think what chance I would miss if I managed to kill myself that day. I think what I wanted to say is don't let doctors or anyone to put you down with stupid tests that in most cases don't show anything, do your own research and don't be afraid to experiment, it might just save your life.

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21 Replies

  • I'm so glad that you are in such a better place now and feel good. I don't know about your previous post, but don't like the fact that you feel people demanded information from you. You shouldn't have to give any information that you don't want to or is too personal. I'm sorry you felt you had to disclose a painful time. Take care of yourself. :-)

  • susana333

    I am sorry to hear of the precipice your illness drove you to, but it wasn't necessary for you to disclose this. Your profile remains incomplete - you have not given details of blood results or your location.

    This is a UK site and much of the information is aimed at those in the UK, where if medics will not test adequately for thyroid problems, there are other avenues to pursue and medication ordered anywhere within the EU should have little problem passing through UK customs.

    Due to the latter, TUK fora members are less versed in the undoubted complexities and nuances of overseas customs procedures or overseas medical interventions. Many many members will have chosen to keep their own counsel following your request and would adopt a similar stance should any brand new member make a first post with such a bare request, without giving some indication of why they believed T3 was a suitable solution. I cannot see that any malice was intended. It is not necessary to impart personal details unless you are comfortable doing so. In fact, protecting the unwary and unversed is likely to be the reason why your original post may have, 'caused a stir'.

    I hope that you are periodically checking that your T3 supplementation does not mean you are overmedicated; this brings an apparently increased risk of atrial fibrillation and osteoporosis in the long term.

    I hope you find what you need from this forum. Do remember that online fora allow for anonymity; perhaps for that reason, there should be no need for anything other than peaceable discussion and  informed support.

  • susana,

    I welcome you to our forum which is for sharing and helping each other.

    I am glad you felt able to tell your story which is immensely sad but pleased you have managed such huge progress with the addition of T3.

    Members are very caring about each other and new people who might have difficulties in posting are encouraged for further details. Members are free to disclose OR NOT, and it can be difficult to be forthcoming about ourselves when feeling so ill but by sharing you give members the chance to share like for like experiences and offer what advice they have found beneficial.

    Please feel free to post as many questions as you wish and join in any discussions.



    Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and this information is not intended to be a substitute for medical guidance from your own doctor. Please check with your personal physician before applying any of these suggestions.


  • Nobody on that thread asked you for such personal details, you seem to have posted them for your own reasons.

    For anyone interested here is the thread healthunlocked.com/thyroidu... , it is self explanatory but the salient points about asking for details are:

    "Why do you think you need T3? Have you been diagnosed hypothyroid?

    Can you share your Thyroid test results with us so members can advise?

    I could help with a supplier's details but as there is nothing in your profile, and you only joined yesterday, none of us have any knowledge of your thyroid health and what meds you may already be on.........................

    Please share something about yourself first."

    So the only information requested was about your thyroid, had you been diagnosed and what were your test results.

    You then replied that you had been self medicating for 18 months to which the response was that that information would have been helpful for someone who was deciding whether to share their source as caution is needed because the person requesting the information may not actually need T3 and cause cause themselves to become ill if they didn't need it. Members can always make helpful suggestions when they see test results that point to what a problem might be and a lot of the time it isn't T3 that is needed.

    I'm not sure why you've felt the need to bring this up again today.

    If you'd like to bang your drum a bit more then there is a new thread today from a brand new member asking exactly the same thing. Another member has replied in exactly the same vein - take a look healthunlocked.com/thyroidu... and there are many past posts with the same answers to the same request, just saying so that you know you have not been singled out.

  • Susanna333,

    Had you said on your first thread that you'd been taking T3 for x months and could no longer source it from your usual supplier that would have been sufficient information for me to respond.

  • I wonder if we need a pinned post explaining that to new members, Clutter? It's such a shame that Susana felt that SeasideSusie was asking for such personal information. Those of us who've been here a while clearly knew she was only asking about thyroid meds information - but a new member like Susana clearly did not. Perhaps this needs to be made clearer somehow?

    Susana - the only reason many members like to know more about a person's medical/thyroid history when they ask where to buy meds is to make sure it isn't simply someone coming here to find a source for meds when they don't really need them. There was definitely no malice intended and I've seen many people asked to provide meds info before people will reply.

    I'm glad you've found yourself in a better place nowadays anyway. :-)

  • CarolineC57,

    Thyroid UK don't advocate self medicating which is why sources aren't posted on the forum and why we can't pin a post as you suggest.

    Thyroid UK's Position Statement on Self Treatment

    Thyroid UK's first and most important priority is the safety of our members and therefore, we do not advocate or encourage self treatment with thyroid hormone replacements.

    Taking thyroid medication, especially T3 or natural thyroid hormone, without being monitored by a clinician can be very dangerous especially if there is hidden heart disease.

    Whilst we understand that self-treatment does occur and equally understand why people find it necessary, Thyroid UK cannot be seen to be advocating self-treatment.

    We are working towards a future where people will not have to resort to self-treatment. In order to do this we must be seen to be professional and above reproach.


  • Yes, I understand that, Clutter - sorry I didn't think of that at the time I made the suggestion above.

    Just a week or so back there was someone who posted asking which was best - NDT or something else I can't remember. It turned out they were wanting something to "enhance performance" - they didn't actually have a thyroid problem! That kind of nonsense just gives real thyroid patients a bad name.

  • CarolineC57,

    I remember.  It was a student wanting to know whether NDT or Modafinil would enhance performance and give some sort of "edge".

  • Susana I was crying while reading your post. It's so sad, I don't know what to say. I don't think that it is nice from anyone to assume that every person who asks for medication wants to use it for other purposes and not for health. And even if someone is not really sick, he can very easily get info where to order all sorts of medications by just using google. He doesn't even have to join this forum or any other. After the horrible life you had you deserve some support from at least people who are sick from the same thing as you. I wish you all the best xx

  • Thanks to all who showed compassion and understanding. I am much stronger person now, I regained my confidence and I can cope. But please bear in mind that there are many desperate and vulnerable people around. Treat them nice because you can never know how much you can hurt this person with just your words and don't just think that somebody is irresponsible or bad for asking a simple question and not explaining why. Not all people are instantly aware how some forums work and many are insecure, confused and not good with words...

  • Another reason not to share information about on-line pharmacies, with people we Don't know, is that they may have their own agenda. A lot of on-line pharmacies have disappeared that way. If we want to keep our source secure, then we have to be able to trust the person we share with. That's not being nasty, that's just common sense.  

  • As I already pointed in another post, on tpauk for example everybody can see those same suppliers on the list available for anyone who joins. So you won't "protect" them by hiding them from new members here. If somebody is really malicious, like susana obviously wasn't, she/he will go there or on some other forum where suppliers are mentioned openely and get the information. Not to mention Google, but somebody already said about that.

  • Maybe, but I would still hesitate to give my sources to someone I Don't know.

  • Actually, although the information about suppliers is on TPA website, it's not really very obvious, you have to know where to look for it. And if someone joined just to ask where to get T3 I reckon they'd be asked to give some info about their thyroid tests just the same as the responsible members on here ask. Google tends to come up with iffy sites like body builders.

  • My supplier of T3 (which by the number of other people for whom I know that are also ordering from them) is one of the most popular, could be found by anyone on the 3rd page on Google search. So, it's not only bodybuilders. And about tpauk, I am member there as well, you are not asked about anything before you can see the list, and it is very easy to find it - you just click on useful links for member and there is a list of online pharmacies. So it can be really done by anyone, malicious or not.

  • If you feel the policy is wrong, please contact Thyroid UK:


  • I am not saying that anyone's policy is wrong, in fact everyone has the right to its own policy and I respect that. I am just trying to explain to this people that we cannot hide or protect any supplier or source of medications by not sending private messages to new members because they can be seen on other places as well. This is all I wanted to say.

  • I am so glad you feel better now. I also had thoughts about ending my life, but I guess I was a coward to really do it. Now I am glad that I was such a coward because there is always a chance and I am experiencing it right now and I am glad that you survived to have a chance to feel such improvement.

  • You are not a coward cinnamonbun, I was a coward for trying to end my life and my misery that way. You continued to fight and that's a good think. If I wasn't saved I would never had a chance to see that there is a light behind what we think it's a permanent darkness.

  • Susana believe me I am a coward, at least for not trying to do anything for myself for so long. Why was I listening to doctors for 6 years although it was obvious that they were wrong, if I am not a coward. Why was I waiting to became bald before I finally decided to do something to help myself...

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