Support and help appreciated

[karenmyring]

I have posted similar once before but i just need help please .... my lovely ex husband announced to me today that hypothyroidism is not an illness and i should to quote stop banging on about it .... btw he is not a gp

[ollymummy]

Sounds like he would get along well with my ex and both would make "sterling" GP's

[Marz]

Well that is probably why he is your ex ! I am blessed with a fab second husband who has always had endless patience and understanding. He grew up with a poorly Mum who died when he was twelve. Sometimes we have to suffer horribly in order to have empathy. Now hubby has been diagnosed in his 70's with Hashimotos - so I can hopefully return the care and concern....

My first hubby had me with my feet lodged under the armchair doing sit-ups within a week or so of giving birth - yikes ! More fool me for doing it !

[SmallBlueThing]

Not an illness - a disease!

[karenmyring]

He sits around all day refusing to help with children or anything I just have to get on with it 😠

[spongecat]

Karen......hold your head high, don't listen to him! I note that you run a support group too, in my eyes that makes you a kind and unselfish woman.

How would HE feel or react if he succumbed to a potentially life-long condition that can be as baffling as an Agatha Christie mystery, hmmmm? *wink*

I think we know the answer to that!

[karenmyring in reply to spongecat]

I run a support group due to the lack of support I received from him from gps and some so called friends . I love my support group friends and if I can help one other person then there is a read on to me living this life

[Naomi8]

The wonderful thing about this community forum is-when the rest of the non-hypo world don't understand & empathise,we can be as narcissistic & obsessive as the non-hypo world think we are being.

Don't take your bucket to an empty well.Take it to where you will be heard & understood-which in my experience is fellow-travellers.

I know I sound like a lazy hypochondriac to some lucky folk who are never ill & don't know what low energy feels like!

[karenmyring in reply to Naomi8]

Thank you x

[Hidden]

The poor man is very, very dim as well as very, very nasty.

You're giving him cups of tea or doing anything helpful for him when you see him, are you? I'm not clear why he is "sitting around all day" when he is your ex, surely the great benefit of divorce is that you no longer have to look at an ex? I am a little worried that you may be cooking his lunch still.

If hypothyrodism isn't a disease, he isn't a person. There is no proof that he exists at all. Some philosophers claim: "I think, therefore I am." But here there is no thought, and even that doubtful proof of being cannot be advanced. So just ignore him. Completely.

[Jazzw in reply to Hidden]

I absolutely love your reply.

[karenmyring in reply to Hidden]

Ah decartes !! He is my ex divorce looming he won't leave he enjoys the daily abuse and cruelty he gives me . I have to be as normal as possible due to two lovely boys . Our marriage collapsed prior to my diagnosis as I was initially unable to wait on him hand and foot he has hit me with obsessive hoarding just to push me over the edge I shut his bedroom door and brave the word with a smile

[gabkad in reply to karenmyring]

Hm, maybe he's hypothyroid too. He needs to get some bloodwork done.

[ollymummy in reply to karenmyring]

Yep I lived with mine for 8 months past the end of the relationship whilst I sorted new home for my boys and I - the most hellish Christmas ever that year!!! - as a light at the end of your tunnel they do move on and there are better brighter people to fill your life with, who knows maybe even a lovely man is out there for you, be patient and you will be rewarded and for the ex I am hoping on Karma to sort him out

[Rosy_Holly in reply to karenmyring]

Hi you mention daily cruelty and abuse. There are other charities and organisations who help one cope with this. It happened to a friend and she had very good support and help from the Rising Sun. If you fear for your safety ring the police. Thank you for the support and help you are giving others. Please take care of yourself. Big hugs.

[karenmyring in reply to Rosy_Holly]

Thank you x

[Hidden in reply to karenmyring]

Obsessive hoarding. Could be B12 deficiency??? He is clearly sick. Is he paranoid too? Not that his problems are yours. He is controlling, clearly, and manipulative and you need to escape. OK, you don't have to reply to this, does he ever hit you? I only ask because I have had two friends who sound like you, kind, unselfish, even naive, who hooked up with men who were power-hungry narcissists, and who took everything they had.

You could give him food with powdered methylcobalamin, if you are feeling so low due to hypo that you are not up to fighting and you are so tired you have to continue cooking. Hmm. Chocolate cake with powdered methycobalmin on top and a few smarties? It will not harm him but it might improve him.

We are all on your side. Do you have a good lawyer?

[karenmyring in reply to Hidden]

Hi luckily no he has never hit me I'd have left for sure .... I am in the process of securing legal services it's a shame but my health is suffering

[Hidden in reply to karenmyring]

Well that's good. He's "just" manipulative, undermining and controlling then. You are doing well to keep going.

[Justiina]

Sounds like many ex's are like that my ex-fiancee called me hypochondriac and told me numerous times how shamed he was when I was bedridden. Or when I had to change my diet, as certain food made me so dizzy I could not even walk to bathroom, I had to crawl , I am making it all up! I am glad we did not have kids.

I hope your ex grows up as you have kids! You deserve better.

[Clutter]

Karenmyring, not sure why you feel the need to explain yourself or hypothyroidism to your ex. Hashimoto's is an autoimmune disease. Hypothyroidism is technically a condition rather than a disease. Both cause illness. If he doesn't want to hear you and won't pull his weight with the children he should relieve you of his presence and go and loaf in his own place.

[karenmyring in reply to Clutter]

I wish x

[alangardner]

firstly why oh why do you state ' my lovely ex ' .....he is an absolute --'p+++k , doughnut , idiot, un-compromising, non entity ..... in all things == both male /female /man or wife === ALL things that happen and occur to either have to be cared for -- both ways -- that's why its ALWAYS FOR BETTER OR WORSE ..... and there may well be more of the worse than better ..... but that's what I SIGNED UP FOR AND WILL STAND BY ...... my feelings are for you to kick him into touch and get someone that can nurcher you and receive the same from you -- when he needs it -- its a 2 way thing ........for him to say ' get over it ' he has and will never have any kind of empathy with anyone else's problem [ me-thinks a dead ostrich in the sand comes to mind ] ...at least you have found others that can do what he will never be able to ---- but remember that all karma returns [ good and bad ] .....alan xx

[Angel_of_the_North in reply to alangardner]

Er, Alan, I think you just insulted doughnuts (and the male anatomy).

[alangardner in reply to Angel_of_the_North]

no insult to doughnuts ---- depends whether its jam or cream --- and I made no reference to any anatomy [ male or female ] .... but I like your humour ........ it does sometimes work ....alan xx

[Angel_of_the_North in reply to alangardner]

So p+++k isn't a reference to what I thought it was ...?

[alangardner in reply to Angel_of_the_North]

when was a PLANK a part of anyones anatomy .... apart from the minds of some so called medical profession .!.!.!.

[Hidden]

I am so sorry you have no support. My husband is supportive, yet doesn't fully understand what I go through.

[Chrystalheart]

I suspect he actually doesn't care if it is real or not. He simply wants you to do everything so he will dismiss any reason you have to not 'do.'. My recommendation is to simply say that since you are divorcing, you recognize his independence and will allow him to do for himself. That includes 1/2 the child related tasks. End of story. The only way you are a victim is if you let yourself be. Declare your independence. Set a schedule for yourself you can live with. If stuff doesn't get done , it will keep til later.

I have always done for others. My family understNds n supports me, but it didn't keep them from expecting me to do everything. I declared my independence, set a reasonable schedule with flexibility to accommodate bad days. I explained to everyone I was doing this. They can step up or not.

What I realized, and hope you do also, is that you are no good to your children if you are exhausted, if you are depleted, if you are finishing your health over time by doing too much. And... It sets an excellent example for kids to establish boundaries, deal with judgement firmly by ignoring it and respecting your limitations in the face of pressure.

Good luck. Bullies suck. Sounds like time to take the kids to the zoo... Rent one of those scooters.. they're awesome to conserve energy. Leave grumpy at home.

Jen