Unsympathetic partner

[Tatty10]

Hi in great need of some kind words, my husband of many years has just told me how fed up he us with me not being able to do the things we used to do, he is fed up because i get very tired and have lots of aches and pains, am 2 stone overweight, i have had my operation( tt) so i am cured he says, i have asked him many times to read up a little on thyroid problems but he just does not understand, feeling so low.

[Hidden]

Sadly this is a problem that is prevalent with chronic illness of any kind and it seems that often many family members and friends cannot deal with illness. I know this only too well from experiences in my own family.

My daughter now has literally no friends having been ill for 22 years! I do try to explain to people that if you find her illness hard to deal with just imagine how hard it is for her. She has no choice but to deal with it 24/7.

Can I suggest that you show your husband this post and all of the answers you will receive, and ask him to spend a few hours browsing through some of the other posts on here.

You might ask him to read this, and if he won't read it, then read it aloud to him: butyoudontlooksick.com/wpre...

You are not alone in dealing with this, and I know it doesn't help in your own personal situation to hear that, but there are lots of people on this forum who do understand.

Jane x x

[mumcat2 in reply to Hidden]

Interested to read your comment about your daughter,as our daughter has had ME/CFS since she was 13 (she's now 29). All her "friends" deserted her,bar her now partner and a lovely couple who used to live locally. We also found loss of friends a consequence of chronic mental health problems when my husband came down with chronic depression. We are so lucky to be able to mutually support - daughter and her partner now live with us (which seems increasingly common with their age group.) Families are so important!

[Hidden in reply to mumcat2]

Has your daughter had her ME/CFS checked? This was the diagnosis my daughter originally had, then a cascade of other symptoms and conditions over the years. We have now found a doctor in the US who has discovered the true cause of her immune and endocrine dysfunction and is treating her. She has very high levels of mould biotoxins, chronic HHV6 virus and Lyme disease all causing inflammation everywhere, especially the pituitary. After all these years we HAVE found a solution even though it will be a long time before she's completely well again. Her inability to deal with these chronic conditions can be hereditary we have learned, and her illness is now termed as a Complex Chronic Condition. Please PM if you need more info. Jane x

[Tatty10]

Hi thank you for your kind words, i often visit this site because i know there are many here who deal with the same problems and i know that you all understanding and not making me feel so alone, he thinks i am crazy for using this site, but i would be so lost without it.

Linda x

[Thyroidmeg in reply to Tatty10]

Get vitamin d etc checked too I did and I'm deficient a And that can cause fatigue pain etc too hopefully the treatment I'm

In will help

Me. My ferritin very low too and not had b12 tested yet.

In the same situation as you tt a few years ago and felt awful ever since.

[bantam12]

Hi

Remember your illness does affects his life as well, it can be very hard on partners.

[Zephyrbear in reply to bantam12]

I'm sure it can hypohen, but if they won't even take the time to either listen to you or find out about it then I'm sorry, but the harder the better! When you get married both of you promise to love one another in sickness and in health, without any preset conditions on what that sickness might be, and its not exactly a bundle of fun not being able to do the things we used to do without being reminded of that every time we can't by a whiney partner... >_<

[mumcat2]

Sometimes you just have to take it in your stride - you do have all my good wishes as my other half took me on at 16 when I'd just been diagnosed with a pituitary tumour;42 years down the line he still supports me through some very nasty illnesses including a stroke last year. All the best,and carry on posting!

[MacG]

Hi Tatty10,

You must be feeling very hurt and upset at the moment. A little empathy and understanding goes a long way doesn't it.

Is there a support group nearby that you could access?

[HarryE]

He's fed up?? How does he think you feel?

Yes it affects his life too but blaming you isn't going to help, he should be supporting you, and finding his own support elsewhere if he needs it.

Sorry you feel so rotten. Can you manage to see someone else, who might be able to help you improve?

Sending you a hug anyway xx

[Aurealis]

Poor you, here's an Easter hug. You will get better, does he realise this. The medical profession don't always help us with the 'just taking a tablet a day will sort it out message'. This was given to my family by a well meaning nurse when I became hypo many years ago. It's never been that easy for me. Has your hubby been given that sort of message by someone perhaps?

Do you feel well enough to make plans for the future to cheer you both up - perhaps a holiday for next year? Then you'll have time to tackle the weight ( although when you feel better, it might not matter as much anyway) and work on getting well with a goal in mind.

[Fruitandnutcase]

(((((Big hugs))))) it is so difficult. He might be fed up but I bet he doesn't feel as bad as you do. Not only can you not do the things you used to do but you feel ill and you are lugging an extra two stones around with you.

What sort of things is he missing doing and is there any way you could manage anything - it would maybe cheer you up too although I know when I felt awful the thing I looked forward to doing most was being allowed to just sit and do nothing without having to make any effort to be perky either.

I agree with some of the others - it sounds like he has been listening to those people who say just a little pill and well zap your nasty thyroid or just a little operation and well remove your horrible thyroid then all you need is a little thyroxine pill every day and you'll be brand new. I bet most of the people who say that haven't tried it. Just hang on in and have a moan here when it all gets too much.

[Brubru]

Sorry to hear about your partner. Give him this thread and others from the site to read. Just an anecdote about my experience my now ex husband being very religious took me to church so the pastor could take the evil spirits -which were making me tired and depressed -away from me so I could be cured ;). Tell you didn't help

[Hidden]

I'm very sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. Sadly some people were behind the door when empathy was handed out. Do you have a friend who will respond more caringly to you when you need to talk about how you feel? And there are always caring supportive people here who will listen, of course.

I wish you well.

[Tatty10]

Hi thank you so much to everyone who has replied, this is th only place i can come to when i am feeling sad and lonely, i am really going to try hard to lose the extra weight maybe my aches and pains wont be so bad then, i want so much to feel well and be able to get on with my life, sometimes it all just gets on top of me, especially when i get no suport from my husband. Thanks again. Linda xx

[Hidden in reply to Tatty10]

What is the one single thing you could stop doing that would help you feel less exhausted? Help with the housework perhaps? Working part-time? If you can possibly afford to do that (or whatever the top Something that would help is) then absolutely do it. You could thusly make more quality time for the two of you. You would have something good to look forward to - which will help to lift your mood, and his as well. That's A Good Start.

Unfortunately you must also gird yourself to take on your specialist and/or GP and make them see how unwell you still are. You should take someone with you to appointments - is partner up for that? And a list of symptoms. If partner has energy (and, actually, even if he doesn't) he must play his part in getting you well - you don't have enough to get through your day AND take on the medicos.

Good luck - and ((hugs))

[denvajade]

Hi Linda I am sorry to read how you are being treated, it is so unkind, you really need support. I know I talk about my illness's out of frustration, pain and the inability to live life how i would like to, but really people including family just arent that interested, give the look "ive heard this all before". we do expect a bit more from our husbands though, perhaps you need to have a nice talk with him saying you appreciate his frustration and you are going to do things to try and make it better and ask if you can work at it together. wishing you well

[Tatty10]

Working part time would be a good start its something i need to start working towards,and if only the law hadnt changed i would be retiring in 18 months, regarding my husband he is just not used to me complaining, i have tried so hard in the last 5 years not to let my illness get me down, but since the tt and wrongly believing that the one tablet a day would cure all, and having so many niggling symptoms, not being physically able to do many things that we used to do together, he now goes off on his own he doesnt understand and refuses to believe how very tired i sometimes feel, without this forum and the kindness shown by you all i would feel totally lost and alone, thank you all. Linda x

[Zephyrbear]

#Like!!!

[HarryE]

Oh make sure you make the most of that!

[eeng]

It does sound as though you might be under medicated. Do you have the results of your latest blood test? It can take years after a TT to get your meds optimised so you feel good.

[karenmyring]

Oh my love you are living my life and its hard !! you have my support and sympathy you will get some inner strength to ignore his negativity im here for you and completly understand x

[Tatty10 in reply to karenmyring]

thanks so much for all your kindness, having this thyroid thing really takes over your entire life in every way linda x