Have had such a tremendous shock and need advice regarding any good natural thyroid friendly supplements to calm me down.
I went to see my dad last friday morning all his curtains closed, doors locked had to get police to break down the door i could hear him moaning, it took the police half an hour to come to my aid and break the door down.
My lovely dad was layed face down on the floor he had a massive stroke and a bleed on the brain, i am heartbroken and sobbing as i write this we where incredibly close.
On monday morning he died, i told the hospital to ring me if any change, i was ringing constantly, so i rang them they told me he had deteriorated, i raced to hospital but i was to late, he died 10 mins before i got there, i am devestated, the hospital should have called me and they didnt.
my dad had c.o.p.d but was very active considering, they reckon the bleed on the brain was caused by high blood pressure, which he was on tablets for but i think it was poorly controlled.
my dads house is council so i have a short period of time to empty the house the council want it all out, i am the only family memeber left, my partner and i where going to move in with my dad we loved him so much its heartbraking, we rent a property and luckily we can stay there buts its very tiny, i just want to keep everything of my dads and i cant we dont have the room, all this and i cant grieve properly for my poppa, i am in such a dreadful state.
I cant eat or sleep and very stupidly smoked several cigs.
So sorry for the long ramble on but i had to get it off my chest, i miss him and i just cant that picture out my head of him laying face down on the floor and trying to call for me. the medics reckon he had been there all night over 10 hours, and i had been round to see him that to early evening.
So any one got a miracle remedy that will takwe this pain away.
Thank you
Dotti
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dotti
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I am so sorry to hear what happened to your Dad and am angry for you that the hospital did not phone you in time. It's little things that others say or do or don't do that really gets under the skin at these times.
Sorry there is nothing I can do to take the pain away but as you asked about supplements have you tried Bach Rescue remedy? I don't know how or why these work (the science seems impossible) but I have found that Bach remedies do help me at emotional times.
(((((((((((dotti)))))))))))). My own father died in hospital. Fortunately I was literally 5 minutes walk away and they let me know in time, so I was able to be there. So I can't imagine how awful it must feel not to have been able to get there in time.
Try to remember that this is the worst time. Until you have had the funeral you can't even begin to move forward, everything is just a blur and you function on auto-pilot. My experience tells me that somehow you make the right decisions because you are acting on instinct.
On a practical level. Have you considered looking for a "self-storage" unit in your area? These allow you to rent part of a container at a very reasonable price and you could store your dad's stuff temporarily so that you can sort it out properly when you are better able to make practical decisions.
The awful pictures in your head will start to fade, although they will never go. Go through some old photos and fill your head with happier images and try to remember the good times. Try to take comfort in the knowledge that although this was an awful time for you, it's unlikely that your dad knew what was happening. You are the one suffering, he didn't and he wouldn't want you to be distraught. I don't doubt that he loved you every bit as much as you loved him and he would want you to carry on and have as good a life as you are able. That's what he's wanted for you ever since you were a baby.
Firstly Dotti I send you feelings of deepest sympathy at this very sad time.
Secondly you have taken a step forward by sharing your grief with us all here today,so I would urge you to keep talking things through as much as you are able to and hopefully your partner and people around you will be very supportive.We are here for you too.
At the moment,the trauma of finding your dad in that way is uppermost in your mind and has been a great shock to you and you need time to grieve,which is difficult when you also have to get on with all the practical things that need to be done.
I know how difficult it is having to clear someone's house with the pressure of a deadline date,which all seems so heartless at the time.
Hopefully the council will give you a bit of time to organise things.
Are there people around you who can help out regarding storing things that you want to keep? Maybe take a few boxes or bags for you until you are able to face sorting things? It is very hard writing in this way when I know your thoughts are with your dad,but I assure you that given time, the bad memories will gradually fade and you will be able to remember better times and happy memories will take over.
I shall be thinking of you over the coming weeks and wishing you well.
I am so sorry to hear this Dotti, your dad is not in pain and is no longer suffering. It is you that is left with the grief and for that there is unfortunately a process for you to go through. What might help you with the shock, grief and sense of loss is homeopathic treatment called ignatia. I have taken it myself along with Bach flower remedies. I hope this can help you, so sorry again and take care of yourself x
Hello Dotti, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the very traumatic time you are going through. My dear mum died 20 years ago very suddenly aged 56 and it was such a shock. I shook uncontrollably for several days and lost a stone in weight in 2 weeks. About a month later I went to see my GP about an unrelated matter and told him about my mum and how I had been feeling. He said I should have come to see him at the time and he could have given me some short term medication to help calm me down. Whilst I don't recommend long term use of such meds it might help you at the moment to help you get through this very sad time. So think about talking to your GP. I know it doesn't feel like it now but with time the pain and distress you are feeling will ease. Take care of yourself. Sue x
Hi Dotti, I'm so sorry to hear what's happened, you were obviously a great daughter to your Dad and that is exactly the way he would have remembered you to the end. Get in touch with a few of your local charities that have storage space at the back, tell them you would be happy to donate some of the stuff if they could just store it for a few weeks till you feel able to sort it. Did your Dad have a charity or a cause that was close to his heart? Hugs to you X
So sorry to hear of your loss. I never got to the hospital in time to say goodbye when my dad passed away. He had cancer and developed the death rattle. For ages after all I could hear was that awful noise. It was awful but with time it began to ease. I then went through the same when my mum passed, also a cancer sufferer. It is so difficult and my heart goes out to you. xx
Thank you everyone for your support, i have been on my own today as my partner had to work and your lovely words have helped me through the day
Dotti x
I'm so sorry Dotti. That's very sad. I know what it is like to discover something like that and it is such a terrible shock. Take it easy and be kind to yourself Big hug xx
Oh Dotti, I'm so sorry. What happened is so like what happened to my mum. She had a stroke and lay overnight, it upset me so much to think of that. Then she was taken to hospital, we managed to get up to her and she was sort of conscious for a couple of days then went into a coma and lay for another two weeks, we always thought that after the day where she was able to talk to us all she realised how ill she was and just gave up, she was a really active lady and wouldn't have wanted to be incapacitated in any way.
The hospital was just minutes from my brother's house and I went down late one afternoon to find she had just died on the ward and no one had noticed. The nurse was absolutely horrified when I told her, but they had been so terribly kind to her and it was just one of those things, they had not long checked her. After two weeks of practically living at the hospital she died the only afternoon I had not visited her - I had gone to visit a former neighbour and my cousin had been to visit at the regular visiting time, I had turned up after the other visitors had gone - they used to let me in when I felt the need to see her which was kind.
Like you I just couldn't get the picture if her lying on the floor all night out of my mind and also how she looked when she was lying in bed but eventually I became able to think of all the funny and sometimes awful things my mum used to do and think of the good times we had.
Rosetrees has given you such good advice. Your dad would have known how much he was loved and because he loved you he would hate to think that you were suffering, he would want you to remember him with joy and love and you will one day, you might not feel you will, but you will.
My mum lived in a council house too and like you we had to be out quite quickly. My mum had been dejunking though ever since her twin sister who was a hoarder had died and left her with her house to clean out which she found absolutely heart breaking. So she had done a lot of sorting and clearing for us.I think Rosetrees idea if taking storage space for a little while until you can face sorting out is a really good one. Try the Rescue Remedy too, that is good for times like this
If it is any help and I know it probably sounds weird I used to use things like her gloves - she had an endless supply of black woolly gloves - or her fold up umbrella it made me feel closer to her, I also inherited all her picnic containers and tea towels and some other household thing, I used to like using them and when I took them places it was like taking a little bit of her with me which was good especially if it was somewhere I know she would have loved, so maybe you can find something of your dad's that you can do that with.
After a while I was able to remember the good happy times and the awful images I had of her in hospital and thinking of her being on the floor all night faded - that really haunted me for a long time - and now I just remember the good times. It's very hard though.
This has all been such a terrible shock for you, not just that your dad has died but everything else.
A big thank you to all of you for helping me through this, i do wear my dads favourite jumper and his aftershave and your right you do feel much closer. i just cant stop the tears.
I was the closest to my dad out of my 2 other siblings ( boys), I was always his little girl.
My dad had a heart attack on the same day that I had collapsed ( unrelated, I collapsed at home BEFORE my mother rang me to let me know). I have had hypothyroid & lupus for 26 years & collapse often. When my body packs in, I lose muscle control etc.
I was so poorly when my mother rang me & there was no way I could get to the hospital to see my lovely dad, my heart felt like it was all over the place & it took me every ounce of strength I had to keep calm.
My family never forgave me for not getting there, they didn't even let me know he'd died, a family friend rang me.
I wasn't allowed to the funeral, nor my grown children & grandchildren whom my dad adored.
My family have seen me suffer with illness for the last 29 years and should have been more compassionate but my mother is quite a destructive person.
My mother wants to see me now (3 yrs later) and is missing me.
My heart is broken, I never got to see my dad to say goodbye( not even at funeral) and now have no family either( apart from my lovely husband & children/grandchildren).
All I can say to you is that you we're able to help your dad and you must take peace from thatDotti, you were his loving daughter and nothing can spoil that. It's hard to see the man you looked up to & loved as your 'daddy' become so fragile & vulnerable but you we're there for him bless you!
Please take comfort that you can keep some of your dads possessions to remember him by ( my mother gave everything away within days and I never got chance to have anything, I would have liked my favourite jacket of his) and the rest will be useful for helping others( charity?).
Lastly, I take comfort that my dad is at rest, there isn't a day goes by without that pang in my heart when I think of him , I have forgiven my family but choose not to see them, I don't think I could bear the pain of opening up old wounds.
I just ask God to show them my side of the situation as it unfolded at the time and leave it to Him.
I'm sending you a big heartfelt hug to let you know you're not alone in your grief
You will replace the good pictures in your mind, with training & time just don't rush yourself as this is the grieving process. Talk to your husband and don't feel guilty for repeating
I'm here to listen if you just need to talk ( It's sometimes easier to talk to a stranger as we don't feel we're burdening them as much as family, who, after all are going through the grieving too).
Signlady you have really touched my heart and i am so sorry for what you had to go through that is heartbreaking.
Been the only one left i have a half brother but he didnt speak to myself or my father for the last 3 years, although i did call him to tell him my dad was and ill and to tell him acouple of days later he had died. He said he would attend the funeral but i am not sure if he will be there.
My dads funeral is next Friday the 7th feb, is so hard dealing with all the practicalities whilst feeling so much grief, i am not religious but spoke with the local vicar who is doing the service a wonderful man and he gave me some comfort, but today i feel nothing but this awful pain.
I am doing my best to give my day a good send off, instead of calling it the funeral i have named the day "dads day, a celebration of his life" my father had a wonderful sense of humour and i know he wouldnt want a morbid send off.
He was from Newcastle a "geordie" so one of his favourite tunes was Bladen Races" which we will all be singing.
I just want to give you all a massive hug, people i have never met have shown so much kindness, some of my friends and relations have said some insensitive things, maybe i am just very touchy.
But my mums half sisiter (mum passed away 7 yrs ago) said it comes to us all theres nothing you can do about it, other comments you will get over it, and when my cat died i had to get rid of their things and that was from my half cousin, i was really really hurt.
Hi Dotti....Its good you are sharing your pain.......And feeling for you in such a trying time. I know your heart is hurting. Thinking of you and wishing I could ease your pain. Try to replace those pictures with good ones you know that is what your Dad would want for you.......Sorry for your great loss.......Susan
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Big hug xx
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