Feeling low and anxious : I feel very much alone... - IBS Network

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Feeling low and anxious


I feel very much alone and isolated

Since my Father died two years ago I find it very difficult to believe in myself

I studied law back in 2000 and I am trying to resit for exams in Wills and Probate and find a work experience placement in Wills and Probate

There are times I could sit and cry as I have no reached the age of fifty

Also I realise that I need to make changes to my diet in order to lose weight for health reasons

There are times I can cope and times I find my course of life to be overwhelming

Is there anyone willing to listen

40 Replies

I think you will find everyone here is willing to listen. This is what these forums are for, help and support.

We all go through self doubt from time to time. For me it strikes when I'm feeling low. My only answer has been to get moving and do something, physical. Tends to put the problems to the back of my mind and before I know it I'm back to normal. Sitting around worrying about it always compounded my problem. There were times I thought I was destined for the funny farm, because I let it feed on itself.

I found to lose weight was not about not eating. It was about dropping the snack food, fast food and all the delights in food for smaller portions and cutting out the sugar laden natural foods and man made rubbish food. Generally there a 2 main ingredients in man made rubbish food, sugar or salt and sometimes both all added to enhance the taste.

I was hungry all the time, and still am! Under dietitians instructions weight just fell off, and I got hungrier! I still follow the diet loosely now and remain constantly hungry when I stop to relax. I eat because with out food we die, I no longer eat for the enjoyment of food because that can get out of hand, quickly.

Look at your strengths and try to concentrate on the good parts to your life. We are all not so very different. Believe in yourself, there is no reason you are less than anyone else, other than you think you are. Know you have the ability to do what anyone can do, You may or may not succeed, that is not the point. The point is you have the ability and tools as all humans do, we inherit it in our DNA.

My thought process is; I consider if someone else has don it I can do it, I may not succeed and I may make a hash of it, but, I know it is possible, therefore I could succeed if only I try.

You know the brain is still the most powerful computer known, it is all about how you program it that makes the difference. The motherboard is there from birth!

Good luck.

in reply to Cheyne13

Dear Cheyene 13

I am very thankful for your helpful and understanding reply

I think as you say as I stay indoors I feel my problems more

Very kind reply and helpful advice

I expect as I have reached fifty so many of my hopes have not materialised

I am aware that starting at the age of fifty is not easy and I will try again bit by bit

Acceptance of where we are in life and working with our own capabilities is what will enable us to move forward

Thank you

in reply to Roukaya

I have not met my expectations at 67 and do not expect to meet the remaining expectations either. That realisation was indeed hard to accept, but there was no alternative, so I now deal with it as best I can. That is, I forget or ignore it or I just laugh at it.

This is the year my Dr told my wife and I, I would likely die, my challenge has been to prove her wrong, I'm very nearly there. It has changed my outlook on life yet again. I live smugly in the knowledge that "only the good die young". Kind of let's me of the hook as I don't think or hope I'm good enough for that yet!

Fortunately ( for me) I know why and how I will die and I know what it is like to die, I did as a child and was refused entry at the pearl white gates, someone or something threw me back.

Of course I could be totally wrong and they may have been black gates or the will to survive was just too damn strong. Which ever it was I'm just lucky somebody saw fit to resuscitate me that day.

Talking about our problems is a very strong medication. I just remember there is always somebody out there in a worse position than me, if they can deal with life so can I.

Yes I take my life too lightly, but it helps me move forward.

How can others love you if you don't love yourself first, in my opinion it is infectious and the best drug there is.

in reply to Cheyne13

Reply to Cheyene 13

I hope you are well

I expect I never thought I would be so lonely and isolated at fifty

I would like to become and qualify as a Wills and Probate Practioner but I struggle to pass and find the work experience in this area

I get so sad that it has been two years since my Father has died that I have made no progress in life

I have no one in UK but what hurts the most is that I have relatives in UK who ignore me but they ask my Mother to support their sister in Mauritius

I have not studied since I failed the exam in Feb and the resits start in May and Sept

I have very low self confidence and self belief that I can actually succeed

Since my Father died my Mother puts all her worries on me

Last year she had Shingles I went over for three months and was told no one asked you to come

I am not working so I thought it would be a good idea to support her

However in Mauritius you need connections and contacts to get a job so a very hard decision to make either I give up or keep trying

I hope you are keeping well

I know I can get tiresome may be with my worries as many people I have tried to befriend have told me to my face I hi I do not wish to hear your drama or go and find yourself a husband

This is a pattern whenever I try to make an effort I am told to go away

I hope you are ok

If my drama is too much let me know

in reply to Roukaya

Well you have taken the first step. Now for the next step, put any or some of the suggestions into practice. You may need to force yourself to do this and I'm sure if you really want to move forward you will take that next step.

I would be concerning myself with your own problems first before anyone else. You need to be in a good place before you can be effective for others.

All my early life I was told I was not smart enough, I finally found out I actually can do more than my co-workers and never looked back. If I remember correctly it is this month I'm supposed to die according to my Dr. I really have bad news for her, not anytime soon. I'm ready but determined not yet. As if I have any control over when!

There are only two things in life that are for sure. We are born and we die, anything in between is up to us. We all have the ability to move forward in anyway we want. The more difficult steps in life need determination, we all have it, we just need to find it with in us.

I once upset my CEO by telling him I could not accept his NO, in fact I would find a away to make that a yes and get what I want. No only exists because we accept it, there is only one alternative if we don't accept a no. Yes, go for it and you might surprise yourself.

in reply to Cheyne13

Dear Cheyene13

Thank you for such an encouraging and thoughtful reply

Kind words to inspire and to make the best of our life circumstances

I appreciate your candid account and clearly you are a fighter with inner resolve to make the best of your life

You have made me realise that I need to be more determined in what I would like to do

I think today as I was out I saw the slogan of a girl who volunteers for the British Heart Foundation

She lost her Dad due to heart problems and she found herself lost then gathered the strength to offer her time to a cause close to her heart by volunteering for the BHF in order to maintain the legacy of her Dad

In many ways this resonated with me in my own little world as I volunteer for Age U.K. and even though I failed the resits by obtaining 46.5 percent then 41.5 per cent I will try again

I am waiting for a course tutor to provide a course of Private Tuition she has agreed but I am waiting to hear from her

I will try to find work experience placements and try to qualify in a field I sincerely believe in

I can understand why you were able to defy the Doctors with your will to live and make the best of your life

A kind and inspiring light to brighten my darkness and sadness

I will value and appreciate what you have said

I hope your health continues to thrive and thank you

in reply to Roukaya

I wake each morning at the crack of dawn. If I don't set myself a goal for the day I tend to sit around and stew in my own fat. Then the downward spiral starts. I guess I'm setting a challenge for myself each day. From each challenge I get my drive and determination. Feeling useless and unappreciated is a human failing we can change. Listen to yourself not other peoples opinion of you, they don't really matter and if they were indeed friends they wouldn't be say these things to you!

The most important thing for you is to believe in yourself. Nobody is worthless and useless.

It sounds to me as if the dawn is breaking for you, keep going and never turn back.

Be the best you can despite the detractors in your life, prove them wrong.


in reply to Cheyne13

Message for Cheyene13

Thank you for saying very kind words.

I live on my own so I have very little social interaction apart from Volunteering at Age UK and weekly visits to the Gym

I appreciate now fully that those who have humilated and rejected me this is family members clearly never cared for me in the first place,

I think to make the best of what we have and it is for you to find a sense of purpose which can give you the drive and determination

I understand that I should not give in to detractors and this is something I will apply.

I also realise I only have a Mother who lives overseas and she has property responsibilities and it is complicated

Last year when was ill with Shingles I went over for three months but this was taken for granted.

I had to take care of an elderly Father and also his Property interests when he could not manage due to dementia and mental health decline

As i have only my Mother once I speak with her given her worries this causes me to be anxious and I lose the motivation to study for the resit and apply

I am sad when you say you stew in your fat, it is not a kibd way to describe yourself.

You have said that I should believe in myself and I would like to explain I Graduated 20 years ago in law but did not obtain the practical training to qualify as a Solictor. Since I cared for my Father and managing his estate I would like to do this as a job.

Being fifty, it is not easy to start again but I sincerely believe that I coukd have a rewarding and fulfilling job if I continue to try to find a work placement and pass the exams

I think you have a great deal of drive and determination and human kindness to inspire others to achieve their purpose in life

I also have learnt if you show kindness to others, many will show kindness to you.

Be kind to yourself

in reply to Roukaya

You have got it.

I had to retire early although I thought I would be working to the end. Then the stress with being given a time limit sent me over the edge. Took me 2 years of anguish to climb back up. I'm stronger for it and you may find the same.

Athletes aren't born athletes, they find the tools to do the job that make them athletes, which can bring success.

I look like a human, I talk like a human, I walk like a human and I cause trouble like a human! Therefore I may be human. So there are no limits on what I can do as a human.

Because my abilities are unconventional and a little wacky, to say the least, just makes me human, just like anybody else in this world.

So why couldn't I do what those before me have done? Because I believed I could not, when I was told I couldn't.

Now I know better, I can do whatever I want. A simple change to believe in myself is the key.


in reply to Cheyne13


I have listened to your message and I agree that the only person who can help me is myself

I am try so hard and I get no where this is what sometimes makes me sad

The loneliness and isolation

in reply to Roukaya

I find that I read more and do a lot of searching on internet, usually for no good reason than to take my mind to another place. I also phone one of my few friends from time to time, I don't have many true friends. Our banter of the world and each others medical problems leaves me happier in myself and able to move forward. I used to jump on my motorcycle and take a ride for a few hours, blast the cobwebs from the hair and feel refreshed after. Lately I can no longer hold onto the motorcycle and have to turn to other activities to divert the mind from the depression I experience. It is all about removing my mind from the position of feeling low and useless to a place where I'm able to cope with daily life. It doesn't always work but mostly it does.

Do you find chatting on here eases the situation for you any?

I find reading of others concerns and problems makes me realise I'm no different to others, in fact there are those who are worse off than me.

I once took a job with Burger King to get myself out and about. While there I had no time to stew in my own fat, in fact it was their fat I was stewing! I spent my hours cooking for them and went home tired and able to sleep each time. I spend my hours now trying to do something and keep occupied so the mind has no time to feel sorry for it's self. Because I'm human it doesn't always work and I have to start all over again, picking myself up and moving forward yet again.

I have drive and determination at somethings, but when it comes to exercise I have none. Couldn't get out of the way of my own shadow!

When the mind decides to do something I don't stop until it is done. The euphoria that comes with doing something drives me to not stop. I'm addicted to the personal feeling of success. I don't care what other may think, it is about me and how I feel that compels me to succeed.

Now this is all well and good, but I still need to push myself to get started every time. It is the push to action that is most difficult. I know it is difficult, but this is what you need to try and do. In order to succeed you first need to start. The only way I know is to keep trying, make it happen even if you are out of your comfort zone. I have even used window shopping as a tool to transport the mind else where and occasionally a spot of retail therapy with it. Get out amongst people, you don't have to know them, just be around them and you will find other things to think about.

You mentioned you work in/ for a group, does this not say you are useful? You are communicating and interacting with others. I would find something to do in your spare time to occupy the mind.

I have said the brain is a powerful tool, but unfortunately that can be just as negative as it can be positive to us. We can talk ourselves into believing anything of ourselves, it doesn't make it true.

To flip the coin over, you are strong enough to believe you are useless and isolated, so the strength is there but focused on the negative side of the coin.

Always remember, I can, I will, I must.

Keep chatting if you need, it only takes one spark to ignite the fire within.


in reply to Cheyne13


Good Morning

I would like to thank you for your in depth understanding and analysis

I volunteer for Age UK once a week and as I aspire to become a Practitioner in Wills and Probate I will try to work shadow a Solicitor in Wills and Probate

I think as my Mother’s sister in law died at fifty one and I am fifty I have learnt to keep trying to do what you love and not to die with regret

I know both my Father who I cared for until he died as well as my Mother’s sister in law died with great regret over how they led their lives

I live by myself very lonely but I go swimming twice a week and I have booked a few day trips on excursions

I love travelling and visiting new places

I totally agree that we have to find ways of negating the overall feeling of negativity which can compound to doom and gloom

I must say your article beautifully written and eloquent

I also realise that despite my own self defeating thoughts which can rebound to passivity should be challenged

I should also start studying for the resit and find work experience and build up to what I would like to become

Just being out and about and interacting with others gives a better sense of well being

I thank you for having the time and consideration to give me a well thought out answer

in reply to Roukaya

I lived alone for 6 long years in USA. To cope I through myself into work every waking hour. When ever I woke I would go to work, anytime. I had no restraint on the time or day. I produced 4 times as much work as the average employee and still wanted more. I returned to NZ and had a good life until I was made redundant at 40. Ever since I have been cursed with bouts of depression. I used to be brutal, frank and very good at what I did, sadly some take offence when they can't compete at that level. I learnt that no matter how good you are at what you do and how you do it somebody will knife you in the back through feeling insecure and threatened.

I think that you under estimate your own worth. The loneliness weighs heavily on your mind and you need to break the cycle. Find something to fill those lonely times.

I turn to my hobby in such times and lose track of time. It keeps the mind focused on other things. I also tend to be a movie addict which gets me through some hours.

I had 7 months of being off my feet and learnt how to cope with waiting, something that was totally alien to me! We can change, we do change, with time.

I guess it is easy to have the answers as I have and am still am coping with these problems myself. I'm better now than ever before, but still susceptible to falling off the wagon.

I'm not involved in medicine in anyway other than being the recipient of some nasty health problems. These are my thoughts as I navigate my way through the trials and tribulations of life.

I told you I set targets, my target is to get you to a better place. In doing so ( I hope I am ) I'm occupying my mind, diverting my attention and helping myself to a better place.

So a target can be anything, big or small, real or a dream. It is recognised as a target to be met, focusing the mind and getting me through the day.

You are half way there when you interact with the groups you are involved with. So your are doing it whether you think so or not. It is just the alone time you need to fill. Don't sit there and think of the problem, do something constructive. No matter how trivial, doing something is better than not doing anything in these times of loneliness. In a nut shell it is all about FOCUS, focusing the mind blocks the negative thoughts.


in reply to Cheyne13

Message of Gratitude

I would like to thank you for your open and honest account

Internally I find my life at a standstill

I studied and passed my legal exams in 2000 and as a result of caring for an elderly and mentally unwell FAther I would like to transform the lives of others by qualifying as a Wills and Probate Lawyer

I have a Mother an elderly and demanding Mother who constantly worries me with the problems

I am an only child unmarried aged fifty and as I cared for my Father in my Forties I find it very hard to cope with her constant demands

She will be coming to stay with me in one and a half’s weeks for five weeks

I am supposed to be pleased but I know at time’s she is supportive and at times very demanding

Yesterday as I said I volunteer for Age UK I observed a trainee Solicitor very good at giving advice but a Business Woman who was concerned with charging the client for her advice

This made me sad on two fronts

On one hand I was able to give this advice secondly I would always charge a client what they could afford

I think the next step is for me to resit the exam again with clarity and focus as I seem to fail with a few marks and apply for a work experience placement again which is very hard to find

I will continue to volunteer at Age UK and I think I would like to take steps to work for myself by opening a small legal firm based in giving first class legal advice in matters relating to the elderly but at a cost they can afford

Having managed the finances of an elderly adult I understand people need specialist legal advice but many elderly people cannot seek specialist help because of lack of funds

I expect this is something I recognised yesterday

I think I should think how I can shape my life according to my beliefs

I was thinking of giving up and joking my Mother in Mautitius at the end of this year but there would be no scope over there for what I would like to do

I think past failure is really how I view myself today

I thank you for having the time to listen

I wish you well

in reply to Roukaya

From what you say you have accomplished a great deal in your life and should be proud of that.

I took my mother in for 6 years until she died in my arms. It was not until after that I realised why we had little money and were drain emotionally. I would not have done anything differently, just better, although at the time it was the best I could do. I have no regrets unlike other in the family who wish they had done more. There were times we argued bitterly, but also times I would not have missed for anything. We can only do our best. Putting up with the good and the bad times is what makes us what we are. I'm sure you will deal with it despite the tough times, because that is what caring people do.

Always remember if you don't take care of yourself first how can you care for others.


in reply to Cheyne13

Dear Cheyenne 13

Thank you for your reply

I cared six years for my Father however just under two were spent in a Nursing Home

I totally agree and understand that we care deeply for our parents even though at times we have argued and had our differences

Again we have done our utmost best to

care and this inevitably takes its toll on our well being

I see this very clearly as I struggle to pass and as I have started volunteering I am beginning to see the working world and having to interact with all kinds of people and their agendas

As I keep to myself to protect myself if other hurt or humiliate me , I find it hard to go out and make friends

I truly believe in what I hope to do and by doing so the legacy of my Father will continue to be applied to others

I think may be I cared for Dad beyond measure and this is why I tried so hard even though he had a younger woman in his life who had targeted all of life’s savings

My Mother told me yesterday if your Father had cared for you he would have helped you to find a job in a legal practice

Again she has a habit of blaming others and is never wrong

Again this can lead to arguments and I say nothing

It is very true as we have our best we leave nothing for regret

If you were with little money think the time you spent with your Mother is worth more than millions

I understand that money is important

As I am not working I am dependent on a small flat in London which I rent out and in April the tenants are leaving and this is my primary source of Income

Again if I did not look after my Father or if he had left me with a fully successful business I would have had to sell it

But the time you spend with a loved one is more precious than all the money in the world

We can always try to earn a living as in my case but we can never get our parents back

Something I have learnt

I thank you for being kind enough to listen and offer understanding in my lonely world self made I think in my case

I hope that you continue to feel better and I will apply your words of focus to my daily life

Kindest regards

in reply to Roukaya

To defuse a disagreement quickly I just agree. It takes the wind out of their sails, immediately. Nothing more to argue about. It doesn't make them right or wrong but usually shuts them up. Sort of sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. If it is legally binding I will never give up a disagreement.

in reply to Cheyne13

Thank you for reply and the time you have taken to listen to my previous messages

in reply to Roukaya

You are welcome. I hope I have been of help.


in reply to Cheyne13

Dear Cheyne 13

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement

I hope that I do not bore anyone with my issues

I was bullied on line on eles friends which is an on line community set up and managed by Mind

At first else friends very supportive and last year I was bullied on line by a user who told me I would never succeed

Some people are beyond helping

I no longer belong to else friends and I must be careful that uses of this site may have mental health issues and I should bore people with my worries

I have noticed sometimes people get tired of me and they tell me to my face

This makes me toward inward as a mechanism of protection and hence why I turn to a supportive at time’s and demanding Mother

This is why as she is 72 I should try to take real responsibility for my own life situation as it is my decision to try again and when I struggle I should not complain at times to others

I was reprimanded twice already at AGE UK where I volunteer and may be I realise if possible to become my own person

Thank you for listening

in reply to Roukaya

It would have been so easy to tell you to face up, but that really doesn't help.

Although I think that is what you have just done over the last short while. The message is the same but the delivery makes a big difference. Small taps are less painful than one massive big knock.

I'm generally very blunt but I recognised my own failings when I read your initial post. I thought my two penneth worth could help, if you were open to change. In expressing my thoughts it also helps me to focus on my challenges in life.

I know all about bullies, my older brother used to do this to me until he found having his head smashed against a concrete wall hurt more than the effort put in to bully me. It is interesting that bullies don't like a taste of their own medicine and generally can't take it, I see it as a sign of their own instability.

Why on earth would you want to succeed?

From what you have said there is no doubt in my mind you have already succeeded in life.

One thing I know. We humans are all alike, we walk, we talk, we communicate and we have feelings. What is so different?

We bleed when we are cut, we hurt when we are damaged and we all die sooner or later.

A mouth full of BS doesn't make us different, just unsociable.


in reply to Cheyne13

Dear Cheyene 13

Thank you for your reply and thoughtful words

I will continue to try and again making me appreciate that I have already succeeded in my own way

Very true but I would like to accomplish a very personal goal inspired by my Father

I hope everything goes well for you very appreciative of your replies


That is inspirational. Thank you x

Hello. Try not to let food be your only focus in life. Stress in itself will affect the body's functions. I have IBS and if I stress too much on my problems then it makes it worse. When I went through my marriage breakdown some years back I took up walking and it has really helped me. It's something I now do on a regular basis. It's good exercise and I can recommend it. Since I retired three years ago I have found part time work and that is good for me, both physically and mentally. The point I am trying to make is that you need to find an outlet for your low mood and not let your negativity take you over. If at any time I can help don't hesitate to get in touch.

in reply to julesmun


Thank you for your lengthy reply

I realise that I am very much on my own

I am fifty and tired of trying

I have a Mother aged seventy two and she puts all of her worries on me

I struggle as I have no one

The relatives in UK totally ignore me but my Mother is expected to support their sister in Mauritius

Even now my Mother’s car has broken down and I wonder if I settle in Mauritius what would I do

A very difficult decision to make either to stay unemployed and isolated in UK or go back to Mauritius and live in regret

I just get so sad

in reply to Roukaya

Hi there, I wonder if you have ever considered talking to a therapist? Or talking to your doctor to see how they could help? This all may help? Also, consider taking up yoga classes ? Or a hobby? I think once you get into a positive mind (I know how hard it can be) then things will work out. Consider staying in the uk. Make a list of firms you want to work with and then start to write tailored letters or emails? Give your self a target to reach; a goal will help you to stay focus. Take care of yourself x

in reply to Catatvet05

Dear Caavet05

I hope you are well. I would like to thank you for your kind words.

I have an appointment to see a Talking Therapist on 5th March and I will restart to apply for actual jobs in Wills and Probate as well as Work Experience.

I also belong to a Gym and I will try to attend more as I like Swimming.

I think I have negative frame of mind which does cloud my ability to persevere. Also, I only have a Mother who lives overseas and all her worries she puts on me because I am the only child.

I will draw up a list of firms and try again and try not to let me previous failures hold me back.

I thank you for your very kind words of encouragement and could you explain how does IBS trouble you as it really is brought on my stress, anxiety and diet.

in reply to Roukaya

Hello, I’m glad to hear that you are planning to see a therapist. It does help sometimes- if you want it to? It’s probably what’s held me back?

It can’t be easy being a single child? Mothers can be difficult- I know mine is. You do have the right to live your life too. Unless you bring her back to London and support her? But it doesn’t seem you are at the right stage mentally, otherwise you will live in regret. Your situation is similar to mine. Some might say I’m being selfish but you have to look after your self too. Is there not anyone who can keep an eye out for your mum? It’s only going to affect you even worse than it is down the line.

I suffer with both anxiety and depression. Since my father died and losing my job so close together it really has affected me. And because of my mental health, I now suffer with very bad chest pains , gerd symptoms, and ibs- the lot! I’m on medication now. Eating food that agrees with me is a try and error. I really understand how it can affect you mentally, and yes I have bad days and do struggle to stay positive, some days. Medication has helped in some ways but I’ve only just recently started.

Take care, x

in reply to Catatvet05

Message for Catatvet05

Thank you for your kind words

I have read your situation and it is stress and anxiety which is causing your illnesses.

All I have is a Mother overseas and I try to help my mother as much as I can

I lost my Father two years ago and I have since failed my exams in Wills and probate and I struggle to find employment in Wills and Probate

But as I was out today I saw something which spoke to me

It was a slogan of a volunteer at the British Heart Foundation

She had lost her Dad to a cardiac arrest and felt lost and by volunteering for the British Hear Foundation she is able to bring the memory of her Father by helping others

I expect this is why I will still resit for the exams in Wills and probate and I also volunteer for Age UK.

My Mother separated from my Father and settled back in Mauritius and she has Assets there

I live in Derby and since my Fathers death I have spent a great deal of time there but as you need to have contacts to have a job again I will become a carer to my Mother

Also as I am not married or working people tell me to my face

Dont you work

I think you are very right in the sense I am tired mentally and this will explain why at times I am so lonely as a result of beibg badly treated by others

I know I need to build on my low self confidence snd self belief

I expect we never get over the loss of our Dads as many times I wish I could go and talk with him

After reading about your responsibilities please try to be kind to yourself and rise above the anxiety and fear that it comes with

This contributes to your mental health and physical illness

I will continue to try and take little steps

I hope you find peace and calm and thank you for your kind words

in reply to Roukaya

I wouldn’t worry what people say. It’s your life you know what you are doing. Just confidently say I’m volunteering and I’m really enjoying it.

Yes anxiety and stress has caused my illness, and it’s a battle every day.

My dad died so suddenly from a silent heart attack. Miss him every day.

Take one day at a time.

Thank you for your response, appreciate it.

Take care.

in reply to Catatvet05

Message to Catatvet 05

Thank you for your reply. Much appreciated as I am aware you have many responsibilities

Two years has passed since I lost Dad and not a day goes past that I do not think of Dad

Try to do the best you can

It is hard for me at times to disengage from the worries of my Mother as she is similar to my Father in the sense they bought properties in their retirement and when my Father became ill I had to care for him until he was admitted to the Nursing Home and also manage his property portfolio which was poorly managed due to his declining mental health and dementia

I think your Father must have been great source of comfort to you and this why you miss him

As I have explained I have a Mother who can be supportive and at times overpowering

She also has a small property portfolio and I worry how she manages everyday and this already causes my stress before I even start to study and apply for work experience

I hope you can find the strength within you to do the best you can and believe each of us can make a better life if we can only believe we can

I find that once I hear of my Mothers worries I lose focus and determination to keep trying

Keep well

Hi there, there is always someone to listen on here. They are all really supportive and have helpful advice.

I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I have found walking is really beneficial for my wellbeing and obviously this is great for your health too. I have struggled in the past with depression and low mood and turned to food for comfort. It is difficult to keep going and change your mindset and habits but please keep trying. You can do it.

I agree with walking - definitely helps me. I listen to music or just walk in silence.

Dear Greyhound 2

Thank you for your kind reply.

I think I have always suffered from Depression, sometimes ok sometimes just sad

It is difficult to restart life at fifty if there is depression too.

I think I should learn to take little steps at and time. I think being lonely and isolated does not help.

The Key is to deal with the depression, find our worth a and value ourselves.

Also look to what we can do instead of what we cannot.

I have habit of looking in the past comparing myself to others, clearly this is very wrong .

I will try and thank you for kind words of advice.

I wish you well and good health.

Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to who you were yesterday and make a step forward in the right direction and get comfort, reassurance and confidence from that. (That’s not my own advice just something I read.)

Don’t take on your mother’s worries, you have enough of your own. Do your duty to her and know your boundaries.

Develop a thick skin with regards to other people’s negativity.

Get out and socialize, make plans for better health.

Fifty is not old. It’s as young as your ever going to be and there’s a lot of life left to live, so look forward to making it as good as you can.

in reply to Arkus

Message to Arkus

Thank you for your encouragement.

I hope you are managing with your IBS.

I will listen and realise that I can still try

I expect because I had hoped to qualify as a Solicitor and did not get the training is really why now I am trying again in the area of Wills and Probate

I have no one at all , so called relatives expect my Mother to keep an eye on their Sister but they have no time for me

I hardly socialise as I have always been an introverted person

I was walking in town today and I read a slogan from the British Heart Foundation about a volunteer who lost her Dad due to a cardiac arrest and after losing her Dad she felt lost and by volunteering for the British Heart Foundation she is able to keep the memories of her Father alive.

In many ways thses words spoke to me despite failing with a marginal failure I am trying to become a Wills and probate Practionner again to inspire others through the legacy of my Father

I also agree that I should not let the negative opinions of others impact on me

Also by comparing ourselves to others can make us unhappy and ungrateful for what we have

I thank you for your kind words

in reply to Roukaya

To help with your depression you may need medication for a while. Then when your life circumstances change you may not need them. Luck has a lot to do with one’s situation, but there’s a lot you can do to move in a positive direction.

To change your negative thinking you may find the words of James Clear helpful. (jamesclear.com)

If you are feeling lonely then you may not be as introverted as you think. I suggest you join the least threatening group you can find just to be around people. You mentioned volunteering.

I wish you the best.

in reply to Arkus

I would like to thank you for your kind words of advice

I volunteer with Age U.K. as I help with giving practical advice to the elderly

My confidence and self belief low as mentally I realise I do not have the same strength I had twenty years ago when I was successful with my Degrees

I will start to look for work experience in Wills and Probate and try to find employment in an area which is rewarding and fulfilling where I could be treated as a valuable human being

I will be starting with talking therapies next week to give me a better mental health awareness

I thank you for your understanding and how is your health

Kind Regards

Grammar correction. “You’re ever going to be.”


Hi there,

Sorry to hear that you're struggling. We understand. If you need help and support we are here theibsnetwork.org

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