So, I don't know why but my history with AN has been playing on my mind a lot recently and it is really getting to me.
It has taken up so much of my life and while I am in a much better place with it than during my 20s, some of the thoughts are still there and I get flashbacks a lot. I feel like I am carrying around this weight all the time and trying to hide certain parts of myself linked to it and trying to quieten the thoughts playing at the back of my mind is tiring.
I feel like I want to openly talk to my friends about it but I'm not sure why, in that I am not expecting advice or anything and I know it will put them in an awkward position in terms of knowing what to 'do' with what I share.
And if I were to share it with some new friends I have made this past year (which part of me wants to), I don't know how, where to start or what I would say exactly. Or what the point of telling them would be?
So I am wondering whether a) anyone else has felt like this and b) if you tell fiends and if you do, how?
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I haven't had anorexia but am supporting my eldest who has. I'm also no therapist but just wonder if you feel like letting go of your 'secret' so it no longer has a hold on you? You could start any conversations with, you don't need to worry / I don't need advice but... It's slightly different but I had an emotionally abusive marriage which I tried to hide for years as I felt ashamed. Once I started telling people I felt stronger, so much so and with the support of my eldest, I left. Maybe this is something similar- a need to leave it all behind?
Thank you, that is very insightful and helpful. Yes, shame. I think it is shame that is holding me back out of fear of being judged (assumptions etc) in the knowledge I can't control what people think, coupled with a will to 'let go' and move forwards with support and acceptance. I find it difficult to process my feelings/emotions and reading your response, I think it is because I fear 'touching' them. I am sorry to hear your eldest has anorexia. I am sure she values your support. I had one parent who did and one who didn't and I wouldn't have made it through without that support.
I forgot to say this is also weighted down by denial. I find it difficult to say the word AN, and I never actually have in association with myself. Even in conversations with my doctor or family.
I am still struggling with AN after 40 years - and I do share my problems with some - many know I have an ED just by looking at me - and sharing has helped in that I'm not always pushed when the cake plate comes round - or invited into situations they know I'll find difficult - others don't understand at all and launch into tales of their diet journey - mostly to lose weight which it unhelpful. I also see it as important that I inform others so that they are aware of what to look out for - especially medical professionals who are amazingly unaware in my experience - I guess maybe I'm a little unusual as I'm very open about my problem - I guess I've learned that talking does help, sharing is important - and one guy I share with came back to me years later when his daughter showed AN signs and I was able to point him to the right help - she's fine now - so if you feel a need to share give it a go - start perhaps with a close friend and discuss it with them .
I would be careful about who you share things like this with because a lot of people won’t be able to understand and will possibility trigger you with the things you ask or quite simply like in my experience people may not believe you at all. I would just bring it up in conversation smoothly and see how they initially react. Good luck
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