Is it coming back?

[Leenie0811]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been on this page a while and never posted because I’ve been too scared. In the past year or two I’ve started to become obsessed with food again and weighing myself over and over/taking body measurements. I’ve been abusing laxatives on and off when I feel I’ve eaten too much, letting my brain go off to do whatever it pleases. I had been diagnosed as a teen with an eating disorder which was extremely hard to come through but now I have chronic illness, my meds suppress my appetite, constantly checking calories, good/bad foods are back and I’m lucky if I have one meal a day.

Sometimes I binge and then I need to get rid of the food via throwing up or a load of laxatives. Im worried I’ll go back down that path again where it consumes my life. I’ve lost nearly 3 stone but I’m short so people don’t see me as super skinny unless I’m dropping dangerously underweight.

Before I used to restrict and exercise lots but since my illnesses got worse I now restrict but abuse my body in other ways. Obsessing over how my body looks and clothes fitting me properly (wanting them to be loose) it’s exhausting and I can’t speak to anyone about it.

I moved to the city not long ago and it’s made me feel so out of control, my boyfriend irritates me with his feeding habits. He doesn’t live with me but when he’s there it’s just making food constantly and I’m sat there getting really irritated. I can’t get rid of these thoughts and obsessions, can anyone help me?

[crazycrossstitcher]

Sounds like you are really in a bad place - clearly things are getting out of control and I would suggest you need to see your GP and ask for help - its all too easy to think it will stop by itself - you could also talk confidentially to ABC or BEAT - but do talk to someone - your irritation with your boyfriend seems to also be around his eating - and your not being able to - and the laxatives and vomiting can cause serious health problems long term - so please please take courage and get some help - don't let this illness - and it is an illness - take over.

[Leenie0811 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you so much for your message, I’m going to contact the places you said in your message and speak with them as I’m working away from home so I can’t get to the doctor right now. Hopefully I can get some support through that until I can get back and see my GP

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to Leenie0811]

Good luck - hope you get what you need until you can reach your GP - you may find it hard to get through as the lines are busy - but you can book on line with ABC for help.