Miserable

Hi all,I have been on this forum recently. My Husband was told on May7th he had Prostate cancer with a Gleason score of 7,he decided to have hormone treatment and radiotherapy. But just to back track a little, he had a biopsy well12 ,and caught Septseimia which put him in Hostpital. Now this is a 73yr old man who's never been ill in his life,and I'm not exaggerating when I say right from the start it's been an uphill struggle,every step has gone wrong on the NHS,right down to his medication and our GP hasn't got a clue what he's doing. So because my hubby hasn't been to well it's all been left to me to sort out,which I don't mind but I'm unwell myself and my hubby's attitude has become ,arrogant,ungrateful,bad tempered,fatigue,quiet at different stages of the day. At a time in life when we should be pulling together it seems like he just wants to be alone,and awkward. I'm not unsympathetic but I don't know how much I can take.

Can anyone give me any advise on how to cope with a man who's not used to being ill on hormone tablets,and injections. Anything will be Welcolme even a decent diet.

7 Replies

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  • Sorry to read of your worsening situation. It is very difficult to understand the emotional upheaval in another person especially when they are not sharing their feelings. My husband is a quiet man but before his treatment he went very quiet. Is it possible that your husband is depressed, it must be a huge shock to the system to be a healthy sort to suddenly find yourself ill. I believe that septacaemia will also cause a person to become very low and as you are also poorly it seems a lot a pressure in your household. I would suggest you give him the space during the day for him to come to terms with what is happening. A good walk or time spent in the garden can help the mood, it is goodmto keep active. Will it be long before he has radiotherapy? Once he starts treatment and sees how many are in the same boat and sees how many have the chance for a good outcome it will give some reassurance. I am assuming the cancer is contained in the prostate.

    As to diet fresh cooked foods to avoid the salt and sugar in ready prepared foods. Lots of water especially during radiotherapy. The upside according to our specialist is that the system does not become dehydrated which helps the treatment. Avoid tea and coffee that dehydrates and drink decaffinated drinks. My husband now drinks nettle, fenel, cranberry and orange, ginger and about 2 litres of water a day. He does get up during the night inevitably but it is a small price to pay. Sleep in the afternoon to compensate. Do not get constipated. We eat more fish than we used to and have reduced red meat to a mini um. If having a boiled egg for breakfast take it with orange juice to get the best iron value from the egg.

    As you are not well do you have a district nurse or health visitor to call? They may be able to suggest a change of GP that would suit your husband's current condition. We have about 10 GPs at our surgery - mostly part timers but each has their own special interest.

    I do hope this has helped, try to stay calm and positive, it is a year now since my hubby felt unwell and went to see the GP. We have still to go back to urology for the final answer as to how well the cancer treatment is working but my husband feels much better within himself and has once again started gardening and tinkering rather than sitting staring into space.

    best wishes

  • Hi Gemini

    I have asked my partner who had prostate cancer diagnosed over a year ago, gleeson score 8 Psa over 300. The following is his response, hope it helps.

    Hello. I initially had a one month course of Bicalutamide tablets and a 1 month injection of Prostap 3. I am in my 73rd year and after getting over the original shock of diagnosis and the biopsy, I have found Prostap 3 to be a 'miracle' drug. I have injections every 3 months and my PSA reading in March of this year was 1.1. I really feel what you are going through, as even though P3 is working well, there are numerous side effects which vary in their timing and intensity. Last week I had my 6th injection and since then I have experienced all the 'old' after effects and a few new ones all of which are expected when you read the P3 leaflet. At one point a few months ago I was in a permanent hot flush and had to take tablets more suitable to women's problem's but they worked.

    Fortunately we live near a centre of excellence for Cancer care and I cannot speak highly enough of all the treatment I have received including 20 sessions of Radio therapy.

    The change in your husband's attitude to you and other areas in your life are very similar to what I have experienced and at times I have been most unkind to my Partner who does all she can to help. I recognise 'alone and awkward'....I remember many occasions when well intended love and care offered by my Partner have been shunned with the words 'LEAVE ME ALONE'.

    Last August I was in a dark place, with the Radiotherapy running my life. Half way through the treatment I would have been happy to 'end it all', but I arranged and attended a one to one Counselling course of 3 meetings at the local cancer hospital since when I have a more positive attitude. P3 despite all the after effects is now MY FRIEND and hopefully will continue to work for a long time before I need a change in treatment.

    Re diet, when I stared on the P3 my weight ballooned and also brought on 'man-boobs'. I was 13stone 12lbs on Feb 1st this year and am now 12stone 9lbs mainly through walking, and eating less, apart from an occasional Magnum......an essential ingredient to getting better!!

    My Partner might want to add something from the female perspective.....meanwhile I wish you both well and try and hang in there. We have been together for over 30 years and WILL not let Cancer kill this relationship. Good luck and if you think I can help further, please do not hesitate to get in touch.

    Jay

    It really will get better, yes, you will shed some tears, get scared, resent his attitude, but stick with it, you will come out the other side.

    Bub

    Best wishes

    Bubnjay

  • What an awful situation you are finding yourself in. I am so sorry. Having septicaemia must have been dreadful for you both, it is a horrible thing.

    Hormone treatment can occasionally cause some unfortunate side affects, I have been on it for ten years and undesirable how your husband feels. It can make you feel very tired and disinterested, and very self entered. Please be patient with him, it's not his fault.

    You should contact your GP and see what help is available, and also contact your local prostate cancer support group if there is one near you. Talking to other people in the same position as yourself can help you both.

    You can find where all of the UK support groups are at tackleprostate.org.

    Best wishes

    Hugh

  • Thank you for your replies, I'm a very positive person but my hubby never has been.

    He also don't know how to say sorry,so that puts me in a strop == not speaking. I've spent all day to day trying to avoid him.

    I suffer with Emphesema 5-6yrs ago I almost died from it so" life threatening desease"

    I also have a deceased heart that I almost died from so"life threatening desease "

    I have chronic IBS which I suffer with every day. Not life threatening but I have to deal with it.

    My hubby has Prostate CANCER ( there being the point Im getting to) which can possibly with treatment can get better and it's the end of the world.

    I just see it as a word everyone don't like ,but when you initially come to terms with it,it's no different from other life threatening diseases.

    I just wish I could make him understand this is NOT the time of life to be falling out with each other. He agrees with that then 2mins later he's snapping at me.

    Sorry for the rant Im just feeling so lonely at the moment. Thanks all.

  • Sorry to read your post, we had the same problem 18 months ago when my husband was diagnosed at 73 with prostate cancer, his PSA was 17.5 and gleason was 9.5. Like your husband he was very fit and opted for hormone and radio treatment. He is still on the hormone jabs for at least another 6 months and it is making him continually tired. He went to see his oncologist last Monday and his PSA is less than 0.1 and all the other blood test results are positive. He has always had a positive attitude and we haven't let it change our lifestyle and we are out jogging again and he is up to 5k. At this moment in time you can only be supportive but he has to take control and be more positive. Hope all goes well and keep posting. My best wishes and hugs. Pat

    PS this is a pic of Barry with his 2 new best friends who he met while having the radio treatment (he's the one in the middle), we meet up with them and their wives regularly for lunch.

  • Thank you Pat,that's really encouraging. I have just read your post to him,and it brought a smile to his face,first one in two days.

    I've got to admit nothing in the way of the NHS has really gone right for him were Haveing to learn as we go along nobody seems to give any instructions from tablets to injections . Our GP rang to say we needed to see him,we went on Wednesday,he gave us a prescription and said to take these tablets for a week then return in a week for an injection,when we got the tablets my hubby had been taking them for 3 weeks, so he rang him and theGP said come in the morning and I'll give you the injection,he didn't evenknow how to do it. When he finally done it he said carry on with the tablets for 1--2--3--4wks all in the space of 1/4of an hour,he hadn't got a clue. So I rang his oncologist to get an earlier appointment to try and get things clear. But that's just one problem I've had nothing but problems right from the start,so you can probley see why I'm so frustrated.

    Sorry for ranting on I hope you can understand that post. Norma

  • Sorry thought I could add a pic 😒

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