Any Tips

[Silenced09]

I am looking for quite literally any tips for managing incontinence discreetly. I am a young professional female who was left incontinent (urine) after a very brutal assault. I am beyond ashamed of this & I know a lot of that stems from what caused it. However, I'm struggling with how to manage it discreetly in every day life. I am using Tena currently which works okay unless I've been drinking a lot of water, then they can still leak. I have not mastered planning errands effectively apparently & it's very hard for me to handle additional humiliation associated with it. Very few people know about it which leaves me isolated. I guess I'm trying to learn more about the different options for protection, how to manage in every day life, how to manage socially, ect. Literally anything would be appreciated. Thank you.

[learnandgrow Partner]

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Truly. What you went through is not your fault and no one deserves to experience such a thing. I understand wanting to keep your experience personal and private. First, I want to say that people experience incontinence for many different reasons from birth anomalies, to accidents, to another health condition causing incontinence. That being said, I always encourage people to talk with their physician about their incontinence if they haven't already. I know that's a difficult first step for many, but talking with a knowledgable physician you are comfortable with opens the door for different treatment options. There are less invasive options such as physical therapy, behavioral therapy, or medicine to more invasive options like surgery if necessary. There really are a lot of options as far as products go- something as simple as a booster pad to wear with your absorbency product may be all that you need! It is more difficult planning trips with COVID. Grocery shopping even takes longer. So I'd always recommend doing your best to time it and bring extra supplies and clothing with you while you're out.The second thing I wanted to say is that I, personally, for the first time in my life met with a Christian counsellor (my preference) several times this year to talk about things from my past. I know that is difficult as well but its always discreet because its the law. It benefitted me socially and mentally. Trauma I had been through was affecting my relationships and my mental health! and because of COVID, I met with a counsellor through telehealth (video chats) which alleviated some of the fear and inconvenience. Trauma even affects us physically (anxiety literally was making me sick) and can shape the lenses with which we see life. I can't recommend it enough. It has been so healing for me to sit down with a professional to process so many things. I think this would so helpful whenever you are ready.

It is so hard to face this battle alone. I am so so proud of you for reaching out on this page, and I hope others provide suggestions that are helpful for you too!

[Silenced09 in reply to learnandgrow]

Thank you for such a kind reply. I just got set up with a christian counselor actually She's very nice & I've only seen her a couple times. We have not quite gotten to the details of the attack & she does not yet know about my incontinence. I am not looking forward to that conversation 🙄 I have a few friends; they know I was attacked because I was hospitalized but they also don't know the extent of the injuries. Pretty much only my husband and my doctor. And yes, grocery shopping takes longer, I learned this one the hard way. I'm just not managing public leaks very well due to the circumstances surrounding my condition. I know many people struggle with it for many different reasons & I just wanted to feel...not weird for a minute if that makes sense.

[learnandgrow Partner in reply to Silenced09]

You are already taking so many great steps that are going to help you tremendously! Best of wishes with it all! Stay with the counseling and don’t give up! Also, so glad you opened up to your husband and doctor! That is probably the most important thing.

For shopping trips, you could always carry around a stylish mini backpack with all the things you need. That way if anything happens, you’ll be prepared and don’t have to feel bad about carrying things around.

This is definitely a safe place where you can feel “not weird” 🙂

Your story on here is probably going to help others too

[Silenced09 in reply to learnandgrow]

I'm actually in tears. I have felt so isolated by this. To talk about things like carrying a backpack around as if it is completely normal seriously striking some emotional strings right now. that's what I need. a little normalcy with my new normal...

[learnandgrow Partner in reply to Silenced09]

So understood! ❤️ I have friends who actually walk around with backpacks for lots of different reasons (makeup, period supplies, medicines/snacks, etc.) hang in there!

[BarrySimpson]

I have been doubly incontinent since an accident causing spinal injury and paralysis in 2013. My urinary incontinence is dealt with a pad worn inside fixation pants. Pads are available in many shapes and sizes and with different absorbencies. I wear Abri San Premium 6 (approx. £10 for 34) ref:9378. These are for moderate to heavy incontinence with an absorbency of up to 1,600 ml. Overall, mine measure 63x30cm. The absorbent part is about 55cm. in length and 18cm. wide, widening to 25cm at the front and back. Inside are two elasticated expanding pockets about 2.5cm.deep 18cm. apart extending the whole length of the absorbent area to prevent spillage. The absorbent area is surrounded by a strong margin 2.5cm. wide for gripping to adjust the position of the pad.

The pad is held in place by unisex net fixation pants - Abena Abri Fix large (£4.00 - £5 for 5) ref:9251 or Allanda iD Expert Ultra Large about £6 for 25. They are similar to women's full-sided net knickers without gusset; because they are high waist and stretchy they can be pulled up past my navel. I rarely pass urine through the usual route (I have a suprapubic catheter). They tend to be tight around my groin and often the leg band digs into the area between the top of my leg and my pubic triangle: so I buy a size larger than what would appear to be my size from my waist measurement.

Because I have a catheter, my pads are changed only once per day.

I do not know whether these arrangements would work for you. They might not be absorbent enough? But they do have the advantage of being less bulky than diapers. Good luck in finding what suits you.

[Silenced09 in reply to BarrySimpson]

Thank you! I will keep researching!

[mrjw48]

I am incontinent do to a small bladder and anxiety issues. I wear diapers 24/7. I get my diapers from north shore diapers and they work great for me. I use tape on diapers. I been like this for most of my life. Wearing diapers is just a different kind of underwear. I get it about not leaving your house because of incontinence and diapers, but talk to a counselor it will help. I did and ii help me out.

[Silenced09 in reply to mrjw48]

I was actually looking at an ad for north shore earlier. I will check them out. Thank you!

[Matt-reynolds in reply to Silenced09]

Another good brand ID and tena maxi pants hold alot more than other tena bladder leak underwear hope this helps.

[gworm]

Hi- So sorry to hear about your experience. Especially since you are young I would really encourage you to reverse the damage, not just deal with covering it up. I'm talking about Kegels, Kegel exercisers (that do exercises for you) that can help, pelvic floor physical therapy if possible. There are non-vaginal Kegel exercisers out there that can help speed up strengthening of the pelvic floor muscles. I'm not sure about your situation, but it would be worth it to try.

[Silenced09 in reply to gworm]

This can't be reversed. Due to the nature of the attacks and the objects used, the damage is done.

[incon1982 Administrator]

It really sounds like a medium booster pad might help when you are out of the home for a longer period of time. I just started trying these this week, and they have made quite a positive difference. I am so happy you reached out here and that you have a husband and physician who you can confide in. That is so awesome!

We are all here for you!

[Silenced09 in reply to incon1982]

My husband knows but we don't talk about it. He is nice about it but I think he's just hurt too. Regardless I wish I could talk to him more about it. Thank you for the suggestion...is a medium booster pad like one of the really thick pads that you can add inside?

[incon1982 Administrator in reply to Silenced09]

It is a thick pad that has a adhesive strip, so it will stick onto your absorbent panty. It's about 1/4 inch thick - at least the ones I know about.

[Silenced09 in reply to incon1982]

Got it, I know where to find those. Thanks.

[scottytahoe]

Hey, just wanted you to know another incontinent person, myself. I wear diapers from NorthShore Care and they have been great. I use the MegaMax tape on diapers. I'm glad you are reaching out and possibly seeing a therapist. I see one twice a week. I personally think that talking to your husband about this will help you tremendously and will encourage you to get out more. I think it's very important to talk to close family members as it helps with anxiety and depression. I fell 15 feet and crushed my lower spine and was hospitalized for some time with many doctor visits, physical therapy visits and therapy. Most of my friends and all of my family know about my incontinence and having to have to wear diapers. It's so much easier that they know so I don't have to worry and freak out about hiding it. Ever since I opened up about it my life has become so much easier. I even tried suicide a couple of times, not just because of the diapers but all the pain I have to deal with everyday. You got this! Take care, good luck and stay safe.

[Hoimi]

Howdy!

I'm a bit late to the game, but I would like to offer my support.

One of the things that I have learned in dealing with my urinary incontinence is to control your lack of control. Adaptations are required to making a new normal that isn't as anxiety provoking.

It sounds like you are on the way to finding new underwear that works for you. This part is often trial and error. I bought many different types of protective garments, before I found ones that work well.

I also started wearing skirts more often. You can get cute and fashionable skirts that can hide whatever underwear you need. I found that wearing leggings over the pull-up or diaper muffles sounds, prevents sagging, and hides unexpected leaks. A pair of cute panties over my underwear (pull up = underwear, panties = underpants, code words are great!) make it feel less that I am wearing a big white pull-up and more like I chose something cute because I wanted it.

Online ordering is your friend. NorthShore and XP Medical offer discreet shipping and better options for adult needs. Samples are also your friend. I know that NorthShore is super cool about offering samples if you request them. This can help you fine tune your fit, but also for a capacity that suits your needs. (Woe be to advertising cookies. If you look for diapers online, ads will pop up in your FaceBook or Amazon feeds. It can be annoying when you are NOT wanting to think about diapers.)

Nighttime may require a different underwear than daytime. It is absolutely worth trying a higher capacity at night, usually requiring a brief (or tape up). This can help lead to a better night sleep, less waking to change your underwear, and less wet laundry.

You may need to invest in a diaper bag, or a purse with a place to stash your spares. I found a cute Ogio purse, with a zipper pocket that fits one pull-up, a ziplock with spare panties, lotion, and a grocery bag. (Skirts and leggings are meant to hide leaks, so I tend not to need to carry a full change of clothes.)

NorthShore Soothe and Cool ointment is nice to prevent skin issues. Desitin is thick and gross, but it is so much better than diaper rash.

PeePod Mats are like big washable terry cloth towels that have a waterproof backing. I sleep on one nightly. If I have a leak, I do not unintentionally share it with my sleeping husband. It also leads to less laundry.

Socially, baby steps. Quick trips to the store. Heck, even a walk outside to get the mail can be a real positive. I use an app called Daylio to track my days. I note what I did and even if that was wake up and load the dishwasher, cool. Little accomplishments can grow.

Here's the thing. There are going to be bad days. You can do everything right and still have a flat tire, or spill your coffee on your keyboard, or have a leak. Taking steps to prevent the unknown only go so far.

I will say that adapting to your new normal is a huge change. My urinary continence was something that I took for granted. Even with occasional issues, it was not on my mind. Now, I have no choice but to think about where the bathrooms are, if I have what I need to change, if my pull-ups can handle another leak...

On a personal note, PTSD can make you feel like someone you aren't. It can cause mood swings that you cannot explain. You might snap at someone, start sobbing for no apparent reason, or be triggered by something that never bothered you before. I have issues standing on concrete floors in bare feet. Like, after really working to figure it out, I know why, but for the longest time I would pretty much go into pre-panic attack mode... for standing somewhere. (Also, socks are my shield now.)

Therapy is a must. Working with an educated neutral party can help you process something that was not your fault.

You do not need to get over what happened. You need to get through it.

I wish you strength, love, and peace.

[Dannysproblem]

Hang in there it gets easier