Diagnosed MBC June 2018 after 2 previous BC diagnoses. My numbers are good (so far) and I remain on Ibrance. I’m 63 and retired now. My supportive husband doesn’t plan to retire for 3 more years, God willing. We just stumbled across a cute cottage on Cape Cod during a day trip. We’ve never really considered a second home but this cottage is near some close family, in an area we’ve always liked, and 1.5 hours from our existing home. It’s a 4 season cottage so we could go off season too which is a lovely time there. We are blessed in that we can swing it financially after many years of hard work. But I am ambivalent for obvious reasons you all can appreciate. I know, I know, embrace the “now”, but I feel like this will all be too much when my Ibrance honeymoon inevitably passes. I treated myself to an electric bike in the spring but this is leaps and bounds a bigger concept. What happens when things change? (I’m a realist and don’t want to undergo clinical trials, having seen my morher’s hard bladder cancer death.) How will we manage it if I’m going to start attending more and more medical treatment? Will it just stress me out? Will it be too hard on him? We talked and agree if it feels like too much, we can be quite content as is. I feel selfish even posting this as I realize many of us have it much worse, whether it’s physical, emotional or physical. I apologize if my post sounds silly but this is the one place where I can ask these questions. Thank you.
Should I bother buying something big? - SHARE Metastatic ...
Should I bother buying something big?
Go for it. Yes, you can argue all the negatives and find reasons not to do it. If you can afford it, buy it. It sounds like your dream. A dream you can share for years to come. If this awful disease teaches us anything it is go for the joy and don’t let your fears paralyze you. If not now, when? You could be perfectly healthy, buy this place then drop dead of a heart attack. Anything CAN happen. Sounds like a lot of good memories are waiting for you there.
Hi Marthasvinyard! It sounds lovely! 
I'll try to keep this brief (fat chance!), but will give you both sides of my experience with this same question... (please, no one else read...it's long and uninteresting!)
Shortly after I was diagnosed metastatic, I decided to buy a beach house in the Outer Banks.
One reason was because I wanted to set it up as a VRBO rental. My retirement plan/dream had been to have a "rental house empire (!)", with homes in some of my favorite places that I'd rent out to make money and bounce between for my own enjoyment. Well that dream vaporized with my diagnosis (!), but buying / renting out the one house would give me a scaled back version...
I also thought it was a good investment for my children, i.e. after I'm gone, producing income and an asset that could help them in life, plus it could provide a place for their long-term stays, as needed, to write that book or leave a bad relationship.
I also pictured it as a "generational family beach house", i.e. since people are so transient and families end up all over the place, this would always be a place that my kids, their kids, etc., could gather, along with my spirit!
One more factor: My parents, sister, nephews, brother, had all migrated that area. I figured it would give me a good excuse to spend lots of time there with them.
I realize that some of this factors (e.g. renting it out (although if you're interested in this, let me know and I'll give you the low down)), but some might...
Okay, so I bought it...4 years ago?
It has given me mostly joy and gratification this entire time.
It's given me a project, something to renovate and shop for (guilt-free! a business expense!), and a small "business" to run, to counter the withdrawal from "big business" when I was working. Again, this applies more in a rental scenario...
I often go there just to get away, chase good weather (crappy in Dallas next week? What's the forecast in Duck? ), but also to do some hard labor, which feels great. It somehow is much more fun than doing similar work at our primary house.
I spent more time with my family there in the first year than in the prior 10 combined. Plus I've found a new community...one that, frankly, I like better than the Dallas community! It's a small town feel and, seriously, I walk around and people I barely know call out "Aunt Lynn!!!".
And, in my situation, the surprise benefit has been about renting it out...not financial (although that's nice) but just about "hosting" wonderful families or friend groups, etc. Folks have had countless family reunions, some "dreamed about/saved for years" vacations, and we've even had one small wedding there (another one coming up next month!). I correspond with the guests throughout and I can't describe what happiness this brings me. We go a bit overboard for the guests, but it's worth it to hear how happy they are. I often say to the woman who takes care of the house....it's about karma, not cash...
Okay, that's all the positives...
...The negative is that I am beginning to think that I need to sell it. The storms are getting worse and I worry about climate change (since I'm like rational and all... ). Also, I realize that my children (early 20's) won't likely be old enough when I die to really take it on as a responsibility. Instead of being a financial benefit to them, I now picture it as a financial burden. Cash tied up in a house, with significant expenses at a time in their lives when they probably just need cash (to like buy a primary house). Keep mind that everything wears down faster at the beach...e.g. the salt water/air...and it's incredibly hard to find good craftspeople/workers in beach areas, let alone at a reasonable rate.
This is currently my greatest dilemma...I go back and forth almost daily...and will make a decision soon (maybe when I'm there next week ).
But in your situation, from what you describe plus me filling in the blanks, I'd say the "generational family beach house" might be a major factor. Fill it with things that you love, things that ARE you, and know that your children, grandchildren, and so on will enjoy their precious times at "grandma's beach house"? They can gather there for a few weeks each summer for many years to come...
Plus, it's a nicely illiquid (sp? wd?) asset to bequeath after your husband passes. It provides some financial benefit (asset on a spreadsheet; potential for rental income) if your children are/will be old enough to take it on, vs. like cash that tends to get sucked up into normal life.
I think the most important question, though, is "will it bring you happiness"? Based on my experience, I would guess that the answer is "yes". I'm on team "do it"!
We love OBX...came very close to buying a place there in 2003. Spent summers, Christmas and Spring Break in rentals there for 14 years til schedules could not work for us to be there. Still have many friends there, and wonderful memories. Loved reading yours!
I’ve posted the just of this before for similar questions. I’ve been told by my UCLA-affiliated doc that he was in on discovery of Ibrance and knows of one lady “...on Ibrance 8+ years!
Buy the cottage; family nearby will be comforting when both you and your husband need them.
I’m frim Boston & love capris second to maune for me!
I'm on Ibrance young into my 5th year now. Car-T therapy if very promising too! #livingintithecure!
If you can afford it, no question, go for it! And enjoy it.
It can always be sold if it gets too much or you find you aren’t enjoying it.
It sounds like the most wonderful opportunity!
“Should I bother?” Please Marthasvineyard - get those thoughts right out of your head! ❤️ To some degree, we project our realities and while waging war with this disease, we must look towards leading a long and happy life! That doesn’t mean we turn a blind eye to the possibility that we could die tomorrow, as could happen to even the healthiest person on the planet. Life is precious, we must treasure every day as if it’s our last and at the same time anticipate many more years to come. Life is sweeter if our glass is half full! If this house will bring you joy and it’s not a financial burden, don’t hesitate another second!
I say go for it! I grew up on the Cape and islands and miss it terribly! The Cape is lovely in the off season and this is an opportunity to build more memories with your family. Dana Farber is just a stone’s throw away and has the best care for MBC on the east coast.
xo Jade
Go do it😘💪💪you know we all think in terms of longevity but....we truly do not know anything. Peace, serenity, comfort and a place we love to be with people we love adds to our lives.
What is the worst that can happen? Once you stare down that, go forward and enjoy. Please.
If I could move to Pennsylvania 2 states away and not create chaos and upheaval that would be painful, I would be gone there already. For now I will do weekend trips when I can but please look at all the good it will do- there is no price on that!
❤️❤️😘
So we all vote. Get the house. Post pics. I also love the Cape. Used to go whale watching off Provincetown in April. Miss it
Thank you my wonderful team for your input. We went ahead and made an offer just now. I’ll let you know 😎
Fantastic! I got to this post late, but would also have said yes...go for it! Faith
Yay!
Great choice, in my opinion. Anything that brings love and joy I vote yes for!
Shar
Have a MBC retreat. We can stay at nearby hotels and hang out. Sisterhood.
Hello! Just wanted to give my input on a 2nd home. We found a house out in the country close to my little sister I hardly ever get to see. We put down earnest money, etc. but then things went sideways and we didn't go through with it. The full disclosure left out several important facts like stating it was on city sewer when in fact it had a septic tank, etc. Anyway, the reason I'm writing is because we decided that since air bnb is EVERYWHERE now that it would be much cheaper and less hassle to just get one of those when we want to visit and have a mini vacation. We could go 4 - 8 times a year and still come out so much better not having to pay for dual utilities, taxes, insurance, headaches etc. I always thought a 2nd home would be great, to have a getaway, but now I realize you don't need to own it to have a good get-away and none of the headaches and upkeep! Anyway, this is my path and I hope it helps! Our decision had nothing to do with my mbc by the way ... God bless and heal us all in Jesus name, amen! <3 xo
Post Script ... just read you put in an offer! Congrats and best of luck in getting your dream place!
Hope you get it...it is so close to your year-round home and will bring you a project and much joy!
I would say for sure buy it! Lived on the cape for 4 years. It was wonderful. Rented a little house in West Yarmouth after years of vacationing there.
Unfortunately my husband passed away there, so I am so glad we fulfilled our dream of living there.
Don't have any regrets! Who knew my husband would pass.
The time you spend living your dream is worth it, no matter how long or short!
If it becomes an issue, you can always rent it out.
I'm glad you're proceeding, I hope you get it!
Buy it. When your Ibrance meds stop working (and I know several women for whom it lasted for three years or more), then you will go to a second line of treatment. Ibrance did not work for me after three cycles (not bc of progression, but bc of very low wbc that made me feel very ill on it and worse on my week off), I was put on Verzenio which I am on now at the lowest dose along with falsodex injections. I feel so much better on this drug (no weeks off) and I don't feel as tired or have to take naps. I also know (unlike when I was on Ibrance) how I am going to feel day by day.
Please do not plan your life around "If" or "When" because then you are not living in the present then and missing out. You have no idea how long it may last for you. A friend's cousin died unexpectedly last week at the age of 50 (with four kids) bc he had a brain anuerism that broke open in his brain and he died instantly. Nobody knows when their time will come. Can't live like that.
There are several lines of other treatment then available when and if it comes to that. Live your life as you are going to be around for many years. There are numerous women who have been stage iv for years and still work, travel. Do not deny this happiness at this point in your life. Otherwise what is the point of taking the medication if you are not living your life to the fullest when things are good.
Buy it and enjoy it.
No one can predict our future and our individual response to medication to this disease. I am so frightened about the future then I look at my friend who is doing amazing after 6 years. Buy your cottage and don't look back.
Go for it. We've had a beach cottage in Ventura, CA for 15 years and it's been a wonderful thing for us and our extended family. We have it decked out with maximum sleeping spots so we can put up as many folks as we want; there are two sets of bunk beds, one couch turns into a double bed, three other craftsman-style couches are flat sleeping surfaces (almost twin bed size) when the back cushions are removed, plus there's a queen Murphy bed and twin in the one-car garage, and two other rooms with queens, besides our king! You become POPULAR when you own a beach house! We, too, envision it as a "generational beach house," although we never used that terminology. We sold a rental duplex we had, actually, after my stage four diagnosis about three years ago in order to almost completely pay off the mortgage on the beach house. In this way, when we are gone, the three kids (all young adults) will be able to afford the modest monthly payments which consist of, almost completely, just the escrowed property taxes. I have been doing fine on Ibrance and Letrozole for almost three and a half years.
Go for it. Health, even cancer, is positively affected by living your best life. And remember, there are new drugs coming out all the time. I started this journey 7 years ago. My current treatment wasn’t even around back then.
Create memories for you and your hubby. I’m 71 with a younger hubby. He just built me a sewing studio so I can have friends over to sew. Happiness is available. Go for it.
Hello all you wonderful sister supporters. We went back and forth with numbers but the seller would not accept our final offer. We are completely ok with that. Nothing ventured noting gained as the saying goes. We are already talking about fun getaway ideas for 2020 including a summer rental for a few weeks near my family members. This is a “champagne problem” and we are fortunate to be able to find other ways to indulge.
By the way, with the weather cool and rainy here, we are soon to run out of bicycle season. I’m near 700 miles on my e bike for the season and am so glad I bought it. Not only is it good exercise but I really clear my head when I ride. I found a gorgeous area of conservation land earlier this week with a lovely meadow and a pretty vista
Sorry for being late to respond - back working full time now so don't get around to it as much.
No. 1 - it's not a silly post at all, it's a valid quandry
No. 2 - don't apologise - we're all here for each other to listen and give our views, it's what we all come on here for.
No. 3 - if it's near close family, would that not be a bigger support network for you in the long run? It might help your husband as others could pitch in and help with anything that's needed. Obviously for now, if he's working you'll want to be at home most of the time but when he retires, could you have your treatment at the new place?? I know what you're saying about "what if" you get worse but life's full of "ifs" and "buts" - 3 years down the line when you're still here and loving life you might look back and think, I wish.......
My verdict! If you can afford to do it, I think you should. Property is an investment anyway so if it doesn't work out you can always sell up.
Hope that helps :).
best wishes.
Josie xxx
I enjoy hearing how you’re enjoying your e bike too!
I say go for it. My late husband and I bought a lake house and really enjoyed it for about 4 years before he was diagnosed with head neck cancer. We called it the "the house of love". After he passed away I ended up selling both homes and moving from Texas to Massachusetts and Indiana. The lake house holds so many wonderful memories. Tomorrow is the 8th anniversary of him passing. I love Cape Cod so I again say GO FOR IT😊.
Blessings to you
Robin
All the what if’s that come to mind when dx is metastatic breast cancer drove me crazy - through time I’ve been able to realize that worrying about a future of ( no cure) takes time away from living in the present and trying to find peace in day to day .
I’m glad you went for the offer although it wasn’t accepted - making adjustments in routine can be tough yet we’ve managed to add fun to the new ways ( flying to see grandchildren vs driving gives us more time to play plus getting an updated cool carry on with wheels !)
We are all sisters in this journey or battle ( you chose the lingo)
I agree...go for it. It’s not like you’re buying an expensive car that loses value. It sounds perfect and will bring joy. I’ve been on Ibrance for 40 months and plan to drive up the average efficacy.
We put in a pool. I'm on Ibrance going on 5 years now. Life offers no guarantees. Can always sell if becomes a burden.
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