Hi everyone, I'm new here

Hello everyone, I'm new to this site, and this is actually my first post talking about my mother. My mom was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in spring 2016, 3 years after having a tumor in her left breast removed. I just feel that I need some sort of way to talk about this matter and receive advice from others who may be experiencing something similar. I'm 21 years old, and the thought of my mom leaving early tears me apart. As a college student studying 9 hours away from home, it kills me when I can't be by her side for appointments and scans. She's the strongest person I know, but I wish I could be there for her more. I've thought about taking time off from school, but my scholarship is only for 4 years, and I cannot afford school without it. This semester, I was blessed to have the opportunity to study abroad in Europe through the International Business program at my university. My mother visited me for 2 weeks in April, and we had such an amazing trip, full of memories that I will never forget. After my mom left, I couldn't help but think: "What if this was the last trip I'll have with my mom?" "What if my mom's next scan shows the cancer spread even more?" These kind of thoughts ring in my head when I'm alone...I cry so much because I can't imagine a world without her.. I love my mom so much, and it isn't fair that someone so beautiful, caring, and healthy should have to go through something like this.

[nstonerocks]

Have you told your Mom all this? I venture to guess your success and happiness brings her joy and peace. Many women live a long time with this. Is there a counselor at school you can talk to? You are not having crazy thoughts but important to find a way that you can deal with this without being overwhelmed all the time. You sound like a very loving daughter. A great blessing to your Mom.

[Hidden in reply to nstonerocks]

I have told my mom these things before, and we both try to keep a positive mindset on the entire situation. When my mom thinks that she can't do something because of her age (60) or health, I help her to prove herself wrong. We walked over 100 miles together when we were traveling in April, and the doctor even said that her cancer levels had gone down since her trip. I truly do believe in her strength and determination beating this cancer. (By the way i am her son) I appreciate your comment though, I do my best to make her proud and motivated.

[nstonerocks in reply to Hidden]

Oops sorry! Well it sounds like you have a very open and loving relationship with your Mom. Do keep her motivated but know that some of these drugs cause fatigue and joint pain and there are times she will need to rest. You are doing all the right things. Maybe get some support for yourself. The SHARE hotline can help you. There are lots of ‘caregiver’ support groups. I have a son a little older than you and I barely hear from him. I have had to let it go as best I can. Staying present in her life is the greatest gift and support you can give. Bless you and your Mom and May she be well for many years to come!

[Hidden in reply to nstonerocks]

Thank you very much for the support. I wish you the best as well. Bless you!

[Jerseygirl45 in reply to Hidden]

You are a good son. I was diagnosed with stage 4 mbc also 2016. I am hopeful that I will have many years yet. I am 72 yrs old. I am so much better now. They have so many new meds. When one stops working they try another. The best thing you can do for your mom is keep connected. I have four grown children . Two live in my town one 1/2 hour away one 1 1/2 They call when they can or drop by, we never talk about my cancer. They can't that's why I joined this group. But the best thing is I talk to them and see them and we get together when ever we can. As long as you call her often I am sure it will help her.

[Clair19 in reply to Hidden]

Your young to go through this, I was 14 when my Mom was diagnosed. She lived 22 years, but that’s before all the much better meds where available. I don’t know what type she is but for all types there’s so many new drugs. If she is as strong as you say she will do well. Some of these remarkable ladies have lived for a long long time. I became a Nurse seeing my Mom and Dad go through cancer. Then I was diagnosed and became stronger for my Mom would have wanted. I miss them both and seeing my Dad take care of my Mom was amazing, he was so strong. Good luck to you and keep us posted.

[Hihif]

Your Mom is blessed to have such a loving son. Knowing that your love and support is there for her will make a huge difference in her inner strength and well being. Keep up the good work by letting her know you care with emails, Skype, cards and calls.

[Bluebird77]

I think it's wonderful that you are such a caring son and are open with your mom and talk about her diagnosis while trying to stay positive. I have a son your age and I wish he were more open but he is reserved and doesn't talk about his feelings. As his mom, my main concern is that he finishes college and gets settled in on a successful path. I wouldn't want him to sacrifice his college education even if it meant we could spend more time together. Maybe you could plan things to do together on your breaks and then you'll both have something to look forward to while you're apart. Call and text her often, even send her encouraging and funny cards in the mail. This is a scary and difficult diagnosis to deal with for the patient but the family as well. There are cancer organizations that offer support groups for the family members of cancer patients- some of them offer telephone support which might be a better option for you if you can't or don't want to ask for support at your college. I think you're doing great in supporting your mom and she is very fortunate. I wish your mom success with her treatment and strength for you both.

[MissyAnn68]

Hi!

As a mother myself who has had breast cancer since 1999 and metastatic bc since 2013, I can tell you we never know when it will be our "last". I have spent 20 years wondering if this will be the last vacation, the last grandbaby i see, the last holiday and you know what? We never will know. So many very healthy even young people have died in my 20 years of fighting cancer.

What i want you to do is always cherish any time spent together but dont live in fear. As a mom i would not want my child to live worried and sad. I am sure she wants you to do well in college and get your future all set! The one main thing i want for my kids is to know they will be fine if/when i am gone.it is a great peace.

Your mom will be fine. Hopefully she has people to be there for her. Just visit or call/text/facetime when you can. I get a huge lift of joy when i talk to my kids and grandkids. ALWAYS make plans!!!! When i have plans to look forward to it makes me so determined to fight this awful disease.

Last year was a bad year for me. I found out my metastatic bc in my lung was back. Took chemo pills all year which was do-able but i wasnt feeling myself. I cried when i found out i was having another grandbaby because i didnt know if i wld be here to see it. My Onc said to not worry. My husband also planned my 50th for Hawaii for 2018 and i couldnt imagine being here for it. Well...fast forward to this year...ALL my cancer is NEAD. My whole body NEAD (NO EVIDENCE OF ACTIVE DISEASE). This year i welcomed my 3rd grandbaby in feb. We are getting ready for Hawaii!!!! AND i have another grandbaby coming in Oct.

We dont know when its our time so keep living life to the fullest. Your mom can be NEAD someday, and holding your baby or attending your wedding...live positive Live life to the fullest and enjoy even the littlest moments. Send her cards with scripture written inside. Send her flowers on the days of her scans. Just little ideas

If you ever want to email me, it's [e-mail]

[CarolineBorucki]

Hello. I was diagnosed with MBC-her2+ in March 2015. My daughter was a freshman in college and 3 hours away. We are very close and she also thought about taking a leave of absence from school but I really did not want her too. I wanted her to have as much of a fun and normal college experience as possible. My husband and I discussed this with her and we told her if and when my cancer got to the point that it looked really bad, then we would let her know and she could come then. Of course we let this be her decision on what she did because we didn’t want her to have any regrets. I am very happy to say she decided to stay in college and I visited as much as I could and just two weeks ago I was there at her graduation!!! A real answer to prayer! There has been so many advancements with MBC. My recommendation to you is to discuss your feelings with your mom, find out the treatments for her particular type of cancer, then continue with college keeping a watch on her progress and enjoying time with her when you can and keeping in regular touch through calls, texts, etc. Your mom is blessed to have a son like you. Caroline

[blms]

Your story has touched me in so many ways. I was 15 when my mother was first diagnosed with BC and 25 when hers had spread and 26 when she died. It was and still is the most painful points in my life. I felt very much as you do now and it was devastating for me to think of losing my incredible mother. I did talk to her to tell her how very much she meant to me and how much I would miss her when she was gone. And that was the most important thing I have ever done in my life. NOW, that was in 1965 and 1976! Truly, medicine has finally changed for the better in breast cancer. I was diagnosed with stage 3 BC in 1998 at 48 years old with 4 children, my youngest son was 2. Everywomen in my maternal family had died of breast cancer for two other generations. So, I figured that was it for me. BUT, not the case! I went through chemo and radiation and 10 years of pills after that. I had been in remission for 20 years! I had time to raise my children and enjoy all of their young accomplishments. I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in December of 2018 right before Christmas. Once again, I thought well this is it. But, only a few months later, I no longer think of it this way. First, there are amazing medications today and some coming in the next two years that I believe strongly are the real answer and much better yet. But, most importantly, people go into remission EVERY day. A cure is not necessary for me, remission is just as good. Your mother will be fine. BC is like a roller coaster and is not easy emotionally. But, I can tell you with ALL assurity, that having a loving son, like you makes all the difference. There is NOTHING in life more important than raising your children. And your mother wants nothing more than for you to be healthy, happy and a successful man. Your mother would be much more upset if you considered leaving college. This is what she lives for, YOU. When I think of dying, my pain comes from what I would put my children through, not for my life. This is honest. My youngest son just graduated from undergrad in Florida (I also spent time in England with him on a semester abroad, awesome!). He is going to be attending GW Law in a few months. We do live in the DC area and, although GW is his true love of choice, he also at this point wanted to be close to home. So, I understand your emotion, it is real and difficult. But, please keep in mind that you are now where you belong and it is what you mother wants and brags about for you, therefore for HER. You are only a plane ride away. Where are you at school and where does your mother live. She WILL survive this and seeing your successes will help propel her to remission. Plus lots of laughs! You remind me of my youngest son. He has been sunshine in my life since the day he was born!! Your emotional close family is all she needs to heal. Try tapping to relieve your stress. Look it up on you tube and put in your emotion. It is amazing. Plus you will discover that you can tap for your mother even though she is at a distance.

[Julie2233]

I’m a mum with a daughter of 22 and a son of 20, they are the most important thing in my universe, but don’t tell them that. Before my diagnosis I wanted them to grow in to the wonderful human beings I know they will be and since my diagnosis I want exactly the same for them. Before this I was their mum and I still am. No one is promised tomorrow, live your life as you would have before you knew about your mum’s diagnosis, that is a biggest gift you can give her. She isn’t bone china let her still be your mum. Make memories, be aware of what could happen but understand that with modern treatments this is now more of a chronic condition and the outlook isn’t as bleak as it was even 10 yrs ago.