Hello, I was originally diagnosed in 2007 with stage 2b. After mastectomy, lymph removal, and chemo, I was told I was “cured”. Wow. In 2010, I had a bone met in my sternum. Radiation,. In 2012 I had a met in my lung...change up drugs. Then 5 glorious years. In 2016, the same bone met reappeared. I reradiated. Then another lung met in later 2017, to which I am now taking Tykerb, arimidex, and Zolodex. I find myself tired. Emotionally, brain tired. I don’t want to fight anymore. This disease is taking me down and I don’t know how to stop the slippery slope.
How do y’all stay positive? I am normally a fighter, have fought this for 10 years. But this time, I am so tired. I cry all the time. I am 45, generally feel ok, but I can’t snap myself back. Everything seems to be falling apart. I just put my 16yo dog to sleep. I miss her terribly. My husband doesn’t understand. I am spiritual, but feel very empty. Thank for letting me vent,
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BC2007
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God, ur a brave woman to have taken this ordeal... Never give up dear. My sis is 4th stage with Mets in brain and cerebral fluids and spread around the panchreas and I am still waiting for our turn of Miracle from the Almighty God... Please don't give up.. it's easier said than done I know... Ur in my prayers... My sis has an endoscopy right now and all I have is Prayers from the bottom of my heart and soul... God bless
There is so much I want to say to you! You've been doing awesome!!! I'm so sorry your tired and crying all the time. It feels deflating and defeating. Have you had your Vitamin D levels tested? I call it my happy pill and my 'sweet spot' is 10,000 IU's per day. And hormones are terrible at making us cry. Maybe the doctors can help balance out the emotions.
Have you tried methylcobalamine? That takes away my sweet cravings and also helps my emotions. I'm a dog lover and will be totally crushed when I loose my 12 year old dog. You have a good reason to be sad! It is important to wallow and feel those emotions - otherwise we end up with low-grade chronic depression all our lives.
One thing I do believe is that - for some reason, I chose to come into a timeline of corruption and barbaric medicine. Oncologists can make an extra million dollars a year for prescribing chemo drugs - how do we ever know if it is best for us, or them. I know of a pathology technician who was fired because he did not come up with enough cancer results - they have to pay for the grand piano in the grand hospital lobby somehow and cancer is a cash cow.
Now, why did we come here at this time? I don't know the answer to that, but I do believe we are here to learn or accomplish some purpose. I'd never want to come back and go through another childhood just to complete the last 2 years if I left a little early. Learn all you can and be in every moment. Death is a certainty for everyone. At 45, you could be a fast learner! You will be reunited with all your loved ones and all the animals you've ever loved! You'll land on your feet!
Have you tried meditation? (dicksutphen.com/valley-of-t.... Dick Sutphen has been one of my spiritual teachers for 40 years and I've enjoyed his recordings all this time. Take control of your mind and load it up with all kinds of interesting and positive programming. I would suggest doing two of any of his programs per day. After 3 weeks, you will be amazed at how much better you'll feel - but don't stop - just have fun with all the places your mind can go. After 3 weeks of practice, the first 3 minutes of mental relaxation, equals one hour of sleep! Who can't use that?!
You have done awesome!! You've lived 10 lifetimes in one. Blessings to you and your loved ones who agreed to support you in this journey.
Become aware of your body and relax all over. Inhale through your nose, and exhale through slightly parted lips. Continue to feel relaxed and release your tension with every breath.
As you continue to be aware and relax your muscles, breathe in slowly to the count of 4.
You are a true inspiration💕. You and the others that have fought this taxing battle for many many years, provide the rest of us with HOPE & the desire to Fight everyday for as long as humanly possible.
The “ depression” or as I call it “ my reality” is tough and I will pray for you to find the strength to continue your journey and never give up.
You are young like myself. Stage 2b at 34 years old-did everything right and BAM 4/2016 tumor grows back behind the implant?? yep had mastectomy and the works and mets to my bones.
I have joined an “old lady” yoga class that includes meditation. It is helping a lot. Keep Fighting Friend!!!
I am so sorry for the damn cancer progression but glad you had those 5 Years. The only advice I have is to remember that it’s easy to have faith when all is well in your life. It’s more difficult (in my case way more) when things are not going well. I am currently struggling with this and my Sunday school lesson was on this yesterday. Feeling like crap, hormonal imbalance from meds, and the fatigue that comes from the disease and the treatment magnify the feelings and the problems. I am praying for you specifically and for all of us. I would also recommend an antidepressant if you don’t have one and a therapist who specializes in our type of disease.
May the Lord lift you up and see to your needs today.
Thank you for the kind and inspiring words. Funny story, I did see a therapist, first time ever, after my last diagnosis. We met for an hour and a half, her statement was “wow, you’ve been a survivor your whole life, I hope you get a chance to enjoy life at some point,”. U mmm yeah. I’ve had childhood trauma, adult trauma, and cancer. I am a survivor. Point was, I don’t was to survive any more. Thanks for pointing out my life has sucked. I know, I need to find someone else to talk to, but her words keep ringing in my ears, Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suicidal, but I’m not exactly living either, Just feel in limbo. And while scary, this feeling recalling sucks. I do take an anti depressant, thank the lord, because without it, I can only imagine the state I’d be in. Thank you again for your words. 😀
Me too. A psychic said to me, "You must be very highly evolved to had had the challenging life you've had. With only one of these things, (I had about 8 traumas at that time and cancer was not at the top), most people would be clutching their oxycodone and curled up in a corner somewhere.". I think that's true... Keep up the attitude. Die when you've graduated. Soul evolution ... Could be the real reason we're here.
I’m not sure but I think I may have upset you. If I did I am so, so sorry.
This whole thing keeps me turned upside down. There are times that I feel like I’m living for treatment-which seems illogical to me. But then I look at my kids and grandkids and am reminded of why I’m doing this. It can be really hard to keep pushing forward but I’m darn sure going to do it a long as I can. Keep on venting - it can help.
You did not upset me. The therapist I saw did. I was reiterating what she said, not how you made me feel. 😀🌈. In 2007, my son was 2, and I was like “ cancer? Yeah I got this”. In 2010, when it reoccurred he was 5; and I was like” keep on fighting Momma....I got this”. In 2012 again, and my fight was still there. In 2016, my bone met reoccurred. My radiation oncologist to me radiating again was “not an option”.....it was my only met. I went to his boss, who disagreed, and we proceeded. He left that practice, Then after that 2017, and 3 lung Mets, I am wiped out, I am tired of living appointment to appointment, and treatment to treatment, Tired of fitting to hold on, When isn’t Heaven supposed to be better? I’m just plain and simply tired. Thanks for listening and responding, I do appreciate it, My friends have mostly,left, or they don’t “get cancer talk”. My husband is living here but gone, And my son is 12....not his place to support me. 😀. Cancer not only sucks, it sucks the life outta you,
I have had the same type of thought. I am “lucky”? I was dx in 2014. Did the chemo rounds - the beast did not respond as the onc wanted. Did the a modified radical mastectomy - 13 nodes positive. Did radiation. After the radiation (may2016) I felt really good. That lasted about 3 months. Mind you during this time I’m tAking the tamoxifen. Started feeling crummy, etc. broke a rib in June-bone mets. Sept spine mets. Started ibrance/femara. Just did one of 10 radiation treatments.
I’m scared that it’s not going to respond. Hasn’t for any length of time so far. I have 5 kids- not a single one of them have heard these words. But I will be the one who decides when I’m done with the fight. My goal is to get the 19 and 17 yr old self-sufficient. My prayer is that I make it. I wish I could say something to make it better but the reality is all I could do is join you in a YES- CANCER SUCKS.
I feel for you. It is enough that we have to deal with the ups and downs of this horrible disease. I too was originally dx Stage 2B in 2001. In 2016 I was dx Stage 4. I know the passing of your baby has got to be really depressing. Animals are spiritual pure little souls. I have a cat that is getting up there in years and sometimes I cry thinking about when she dies and she's not even gone yet. I hate to see that day. I live alone for the most part and she is my best bud! Much love and condolences.
Hello! Your post made me feel so sad! I was just recently diagnosed Stage IV, after 17 years "cancer free." After undergoing 10 radiation treatments to spinal area, I reached the point of utter exhaustion and couldn't bear the thought of climbing out of bed. It finally resolved while I continue with letrozole/Ibrance. But the weakness and exhaustion, as you describe, is mind numbing. Add to that the loss of a beloved pet, and your world is made that much more unbearable.
Sometimes the best therapy is simply venting, so good for you for taking this step! I did find that one of the most helpful additions during my extreme exhaustion was adding Gatorade to my diet arsenal; sometimes you don't realize how many electrolytes you are losing with all the meds and their side effects. I've also read that converting to a "gluten free" diet can have amazing results in managing side effects of arimidex and that zolodex can really lead to heightened emotions, so might be wise to talk to doc about an alternative anti-depressant and/or anti-anxiety med to help with this side effect.
God bless you! You sound like such a beautiful human being; I hope you find some alternatives that help!
Keep going sister! I’ve been in menopause for 8 years now. (I was 37 when it was induced) I’m handling it fine, only because I was doing Faslodex shots for years. The symptoms will subside. Do some internet research about foods and flushing. There are many that make the symptoms more intense.
I get that you are tired. I have fought for 20 years since i was 30 yrs old. I have been told 4 times the cancer is back after having time with NEAD. Recently i have felt i don't know how much longer i can keep fighting. I'm mentally tired of the cancer monkey on my back.
BUT one thing i know is when i am having a time where i feel pretty good and I am doing something i love...i make a mental note to myself saying it is all WORTH it. I try to do things purposely that give me joy. (Trips, hobbies, and especially the grandbabies, though it is harder to keep up with them now) Also a few months ago my Onc put me on Cymbalta for aches. It also is an antidepressant. I haven't felt so "down" lately at all. Even got through the holidays pretty well, which have always stressed me out.
So sorry about your beloved dog. She lived a long life! I hope you can find another one since there are so many that need homes. They are the best therapy!
Hope you can recharge and find happiness in this journey we never asked for. Search for the joy!
Agreed - heart wretching. My dog Roxy, now is 12 and I savor every moment. When I lost my Standard Poodle at age 10 (my maid in Singapore poisoned him), I cried every day for a year, every other day for a second year, and now, anytime I think about him. A psychic said he was so highly evolved that he could come back as a human the next time around ... but after living with me for 10 years, he decided it wasn't worth it and he'd just wait for me on the other side. He, and another standard poodle I had, brought Roxy across two state lines and got her in my living room when I was not even looking for a dog. They said I was a good dog mom and needed her. Roxy is a Border Collie/German Shepherd. Very smart, agile, but so polite and mannerly - because she gets her needs met. And she loves to dress up for Halloween! We should have a community to mourn our pets! Not everyone understands this deep loss. When you think of your dog, remember - it is because she is right there with you cheering you on!!
First it’s ok to be sad, angry, whatever!! Yell, kick and scream to get the frustration out! My heart does go out to you, please keep in mind that your 12 year old needs you! Please keep up the fight for him, you are truly brave to have battled this awful disease for so long!! It is so inspiring to hear of someone who is living so long especially when we are given such dire statistics. You are loved and admired so please, please, please keep up the battle!
Thank you! I am meeting with my oncologist tomorrow to discuss tykerb and depression ( a side effect). Doing the best I can right now. I’ve set up a “ goal” type thing. Clean one thing a day ( today it was my bathroom junk drawer, and cook one original meal per week from a recipe. I cook every day, but you know how it is, you make the same things over and over. Tonight was scalloped potatoes and pork. Both my husband and son loved it, Felt good to do something new.
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