Can my relationship be saved?? - Sexual Health Mat...

Sexual Health Matters

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Can my relationship be saved??

Lizziedee profile image
Lizziedee

Hi all, I’m looking for advice please. I have been with my partner over 10 years and I love him so much, we have never been a couple who are sexually active, I have started to take care of myself as I suffer bad anxiety and guess I was in a rut? Anyway we are so close we work all day then chill watching tv together every night we have everything in common but I really want the intimacy. It took ages but I eventually spoke to him about this the other day, he said he will start making an effort and it’s easily solved as we honestly don’t have any other issues, I am trying to lose weight (lost 1 stone so far) I’m making an effort to look nice etc. I feel I need to learn to initiate sex as it’s not fair to expect him to do it. So my question is what else can I do? Does he maybe not find me attractive? He said he really is though? Is it “normal” for this to happen? I don’t feel comfortable initiating sex but I am screaming out for the affection. Anyone who can offer advice I would be so grateful, thankyou.

8 Replies
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Hidden

You gotta put in what you expect to get back. I'd say throw something on and surprise him with an unexpected round of sex. Do it right on couch while watching TV assuming you guys have your own place. It doesn't take much for us to get the point and takeover lol. Now that yall have spoke about it and understand each other's needs my vote.... Go for it!! I'm sure he will be thrilled and could be start of more intimacy

Lizziedee profile image
Lizziedee in reply to Hidden

Thankyou, we have the house to ourselves as our son goes to his grandparents every wknd so I’ve ordered some new nightgowns etc.

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Hidden in reply to Lizziedee

I think you gonna be pleasantly surprised and will be the start of lots of good times. Maybe loosen up with a drink to knock off any nerves. And once you get past that fear of inititiating sex it will get easier everytime.

Lizziedee profile image
Lizziedee in reply to Hidden

I’m very grateful for your advice thanks, I have this fear of rejection and I know he would never do it but why am I so nervous? I trust him with my life and I know I can’t expect him to initiate it all the time. I need to get my confidence up and like you say it will get easier after the first time.

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Hidden in reply to Lizziedee

I think its completely normal to be nervous/anxious for something that is new. I think we all get nervous about sexual things at some point. For either fear of rejection or embarrassment. I personally have had plenty of times being extremely anxious about walking around nude in front of people just because I felt completely vulnerable and exposed. But once that first time was done it it either got easier cuz my confidence went up or that initial fear of their reaction was over.

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Hidden

Experiment with toys and lots of lube. That’s often a way to start off intimacy.

Hi, maybe you initiate the sex he will enjoy it more. My wife never initiates our sex. When I initiate she is always up for it but as I said to her sometimes I feel that she only does it to keep me happy. It would make me feel more wanted if she came onto me for a change. It doesn’t always have to be about full sex either we enjoy just lying touching and masturbating each other. There is nothing wrong with taking things into your own hands either. Just enjoy your self and your partner.

Lizziedee profile image
Lizziedee in reply to Ipsquint47

Thankyou, I’m going to do that, our relationship is amazing in every other way. I don’t know why I find it difficult to talk about or initiate? I appreciate your advice.

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