Failure?

[Incomplete]

I don't usually post in this community (I think I've done it once before), but I've looked and it seems quite supportive so... let me give it a go.

I'm young, I'm 'disabled', I have mental health problems and well... I have tried hard, worked hard to make what I have. New job, earning more than I ever have before, engaged, all that. Friends, enjoy a drink on a weekend, you know? The normal.

All great.

Except I want to end it all. I can't see a positive future. I'm exhausted, I'm fed up and quite frankly? I feel lost... I dont feel like much of a man... I don't think I feel like much of anything.

[andyglasgow2016]

If we always went by how we felt then I don't think any of us would really get anywhere in life.

What makes us a success? For me it would be having family and friends who care and know we care about them

Never go by emotions of yourself but by the facts of others

Maybe asking those close to you what they think of you and also be frank with them about what you are feeling... They will actually appreciate you doing this and also you will find it will strengthen your friendship and trust to eachother for doing so! Don't give up

[Incomplete in reply to andyglasgow2016]

Sorry for takng so long to reply. I have been feeling, well like I want to seclude myself. So I have done a lot of this. Though things have been up and down like a roller coaster... Not especially because that engagement I was talking about broke down...

I have some family who care for me, but that seems to be few and far between. I suppose to me success is when I feel comfortable, whatever makes me feel comfortable and hey ho, that just doesn't seem to be happening.

The facts of others I suppose are good. They tell me positive thngs?

I am trying not to give up, really.

[Philip]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so low, is there any particular one thing that makes you feel like this?

Samaritans is a great place to talk and total confidence and they will give you great motion support, there's a freephone number 118 123 well worth a phone call and it's free.

Don't leave it until it's too late

[Incomplete in reply to Philip]

The prospect of starting something new? The worry that everything will fall through because of a range of disabilities and health problems which I just can't help but the world seems to be against me for?

[PeteB]

I agree with the other posts but also say that maybe you need to identify with a group local to you who you can actually say all of this to face to face. I too felt trapped inside despite others thinking I'm OK and until you can vent these feelings its hard to get a grasp how unique your problem is or in fact (I think you will find) how common it is.

You don't feel much like a man... can have many meanings, generally strength/stamina or sexuality for a man. These often feedback to our well being and therefore our mental state. You can do things about these and all the years I've been around you realise that there are generally a number of people who have the same preferences/problems as you. You just need to know where to look.

You can always PM me if it's of a sensitive nature..... but find someone who shares your thoughts and I think it will calm you down and make problems seem less.

Friends are great but you need "special friends" that do not judge or are going to feel uncomfortable talking about issues.

[Incomplete in reply to PeteB]

I have a couple of 'special friends', but then I don't like going out much anymore. I get anxiety, I can't drive and hate buses, so I tend to just not meet with them.

I think it's all of it. I don't feel strong, I don't have stamina (because I can't have) and honestly? Since the break up of my relationship (happened after this post), I feel literally like my sexuality is at question. Then is it my sexuality, or my emotionality? Or both? Is it my perdonality? Is it all of it? Literally, the world is spinning too fast, I feel I am about to fall off it. Does that make sense?

There's just this feeling that I can't cope, and to be honest, a part of me doesn't even want to cope. A part of me says if I give in? I will actually get some help finally. Some help for something. Because I will just go into mental breakdown, my psychosis will flare up, the mood swings will set in and BAM. They'll actually do something.

You know the stress bucket theory? Yeah, well mine overflowed when I was about twelve, and it hasn't stopped ever since. There's no way to empty it because it's all so fast. I am drowning in the contents of my stress bucket and I just can't cope with that anymore.

The ridculous thing here also is that its periodic. I am going days, sometimes a whole week where I don't feel like ending it and then days, sometimes a week where I am positive that it is the only logical, rational action I can do.

I don't want to be a burden, I can't cope on my own, I am getting worse in my mental and physical health and no one who can help pays attention. So how can I continue when literally there is no stability.

I am trying to climb up a land slide, and quite naturally, I am failing.

[LEON72]

My close friends know by my body language when I'm not feeling good mentally. I personally think in my situation it's better out than keeping my issues to myself. My gp is quite good dealing with all my health issues but close friends get me through one day at a time.

[Incomplete in reply to LEON72]

My GP (I will only ever see one) is good. He's trying to speed up my meeting with the psychiatrist, because recently my psychosis has been flaring up. Then he asks me 'are you feeling suicidal?' and what do I say? No. I say no, I am not.

He can't deal with everything. There is something wrong with just about every part of me, and they all interact, so there is nothing anyone can do about anything - or so it seems.

[PeteB]

Have you received an help?

Where in the country are you?

This sounds a desperate situation.

Has any GP placed you on anti-depressants?

I had a period of very high stress and my head just would not switch off. Like a machine gun firing thoughts into my head and my brain having no time to process it until the next one hit. Left me zoned out.

If you're close to me I'll come and see you. You should never leave a situation like this to fester and grow.

[Incomplete in reply to PeteB]

I live in Yorkshire. But that's one big place.

Yes I'm on Mirtazipine, maximum dose.

It is high stress. I do keep trying to cope. And mostly I think (?) I'm doing okay. There's just these collapses, and they're total.

Total and catastrophic. I have psychosis, and when tht raises ts head? Nothing gets done anymore...