As a boy, I had been shown how to make a fish trap using a jam jar and other simple household materials. The fish traps had worked fine and I was curious to see if I could scale them up to be used for trapping such things as Yeti. I made one and off I went to the Himalayas on a mission of discovery wearing only a tin foil leotard and a top hat (with special concealed speakers). After a couple of miserable failures, I changed the bait from jellied eels to beetroot and hey ho, it worked and I had trapped me a Yeti.
I found I now had to pacify an irate Yeti complete with beetroot stains and didn’t quite know how to do it. I decided on the use of drugs, from what I have witnessed on TV, they appear to work for leopards and Keith Richards so they should work on a Yeti. I could only find Calpol and Preparation H in my leotard pockets so I decided to give them a go as I had nothing else.
In order to distract the Yeti whilst I administered the drugs, I took a tape recording of a man smashing up a piano with a cricket bat in a tunnel and played it very loudly through the concealed speakers in my hat. The Yeti seemed to be a little disoriented so I took advantage of this and applied the Preparation H and Calpol as an enema.
So far, so good. I now had a Yeti but didn’t really know what to do next so I shaved it. This was extremely difficult but the results were absolutely astounding. Once you have removed all the hair from a Yeti, they bear a striking resemblance to John Inman. Then we sang for a bit and made little grunting noises to amuse ourselves.
Anyway, apart from that, I’ve managed to get some sleep, woken up a few times(screaming) and not had a smoke for ten weeks.
I couldn't have done this without you dudes. Thankyou
Dave (I can cope)