Tinsel thongs may look spangly, but they hurt in all the wrong places

As a boy, I had been shown how to make a fish trap using a jam jar and other simple household materials. The fish traps had worked fine and I was curious to see if I could scale them up to be used for trapping such things as Yeti. I made one and off I went to the Himalayas on a mission of discovery wearing only a tin foil leotard and a top hat (with special concealed speakers). After a couple of miserable failures, I changed the bait from jellied eels to beetroot and hey ho, it worked and I had trapped me a Yeti.

I found I now had to pacify an irate Yeti complete with beetroot stains and didn’t quite know how to do it. I decided on the use of drugs, from what I have witnessed on TV, they appear to work for leopards and Keith Richards so they should work on a Yeti. I could only find Calpol and Preparation H in my leotard pockets so I decided to give them a go as I had nothing else.

In order to distract the Yeti whilst I administered the drugs, I took a tape recording of a man smashing up a piano with a cricket bat in a tunnel and played it very loudly through the concealed speakers in my hat. The Yeti seemed to be a little disoriented so I took advantage of this and applied the Preparation H and Calpol as an enema.

So far, so good. I now had a Yeti but didn’t really know what to do next so I shaved it. This was extremely difficult but the results were absolutely astounding. Once you have removed all the hair from a Yeti, they bear a striking resemblance to John Inman. Then we sang for a bit and made little grunting noises to amuse ourselves.

Anyway, apart from that, I’ve managed to get some sleep, woken up a few times(screaming) and not had a smoke for ten weeks.

I couldn't have done this without you dudes. Thankyou

Dave (I can cope) :)


8 Replies

  • Well done Dave on ten weeks. Love the story suec x

  • 10 weeks is brill. good reading! :)

  • Aup Dave, a big well done on getting to 10 weeks pal :) :)

    Ha ha love the story :D :D just one thing though, wondering if you tried making a thong out of the yeti hair :o :D :D

  • Hey Dave....10 weeks Woo Hoo :-) Fabo. You're lucky the shaved Yeti, when he looked like John Inman, didn't chase you shouting "I'm Free!"

    Sue x

  • Brilliant imagination... Hilarious!

  • Well done on the ten weeks, hoping my dreams won't get that vivid!!! x

  • I love Yetis and would love to meet one so if your new friend ever fancies a holiday up North, give us a shout :D

    Great to hear how well you are doing Dave :-)

  • Well done for getting to 10 weeks, but now i'm scared of getting near there. My imagination is bad enough as it is.

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