What Really Happens When You Quit Smoking
- The Untold Story -
20 minutes after quitting
You begin looking for loopholes in your quit commitment, thinking about postponing the whole arrangement until after the next millennium begins.
After 8 hours
You have already contemplated at least three murders and several other brutal acts of violence.
After 24 Hours
Your city or town declares a mysterious and unforeseen water shortage, while municipal sewers are suddenly overwhelmed.
After 1 week
You have consumed enough calories to sustain a Bengali village of 2,000 for four years. Food shortages become critical within your region; pets and local wild animals become nervous.
After 2 weeks
Quitzits establish early outposts on your face. Risk of Browser's Butt Syndrome (BBS) rises to equal that for 13-year-old boys with new computers and Internet access. Smileys appear in your writing and begin to replicate
Within 1 month
You have already begun to pester smokers and complain about the smell of their obnoxious cigarettes; IQ returns to low double-digits; Quitzits begin to function autonomously. Exclamation point shortages prevail across the land.
After 6 weeks
You may have experienced your first bowel movement since your quit began; if not, be patient, it will happen within a few more weeks.
After 2 months
You begin to forget the pain and misery of the first week without cigarettes, and are wondering if you could, perhaps, remind yourself of what you've been missing; Quitzits establish territorial treaties with each other.
After 5 months
Intelligence returns to at least 60% of its pre-quit level; concentration remains a problem, at only 50%; carpal tunnel syndrome incidence exceeds all known levels for any keyboard-intensive occupation; you have typed more words than are contained within all the works of William Shakespeare, but with more flair and "sparkle".
After 6 months
You wonder why you ever waited this long to quit.
It's way, way, worth it!!