Struggling a lot

Hi I'm back I gave up last January was on 25 mg patch and Nicorette mouths spray I had a reaction to the patch in first 7 weeks of using them so went to just the spray. I'm still on the spray nearly 14 months later. Ive found the last 4 weeks to be so so hard I lost my job as my work place closing down which has triggered my anxiety and depression back I only have my husband and 2 kids I don't have any other family or good friends. And the cravings to wanna smoke I know it's sad but when I had depression in past I had cigs to help me through an I feel like I just wanna start again not for permantly just til get myself out this rough patch I'm going through I'm sick of feeling this way each and every day doctor gave me prescription for antidepressants but haven't started them as me and my partner got married in August and decided to come off my pill and try for a baby but 9 months later still unsuccessful so guess that hasn't helped my depression low mood I'm ready to give up each and everyday is a battle for me just feel so low and fed up crying and feeling guilty towards my husband and kids  for how I feel 😭😞

15 Replies

  • Oh Leanne, you are going through it at the moment 🙁

    OK first off....14months is fantastic quit  and you should be really proud of that😊

    Secondly depression is awful BUT the tabs are there to help you get the balance right in your body.  Once you have that then everything else will fall into place. Please rethink about taking them, they will help you which will help wit everything else😊

    Losing your job is not great but smoking won't help you get another one. Do you really want to go through all the withdrawal over again?? Please please please don't go back for your sake and that of your family..... It also won't help you get pregnant either... So give this some serious thought. 

    Get yourself outside and walking in the air, this will help you 😊

    Good luck Leanne but promise you won't smoke until you have spoken with every single member on here for support 😊😊🍀🍀🍀🍀🚭🚭🚭🚭

  • Hiya droopy nice to chat to you again it's been a while ha just feel so alone an low and the cravings are unbearable at time and I hate myself for feeling this way I feel so guilty for how I feel when I look at my husband and children. And when my husband asks me what's wrong I just say I'm ok as I know he flip if I told him so I just say yeah but he knows I'm not an feel guilty for being so down too. Guess my willpower is starting to fade an feel like a failure as I'm still on the spray after all this time but I honestly can't imagine not having it so sad isn't it 😞. I feel like I've made few steps forward and 10 steps back. My doc advised me not too with trying to conceive but the depressants she gave me she said women have taking in pregnancy etc they have very low risk if I was to fall pregnant I used to be on citilopram but she prescribed fluoxetine each day is a battle I really am trying Hun i cried just reading your comment sad aren't I lol x

  • Your not a failure at all, your just a bit lost with everything going on around you. As for crying, I could cry at the opening of an envelope 🙀

    Please tell hubby what's going on, he'll understand I'm sure and give you the kind of support that we can't give you... Including but not exclusively, hugs 😊💛

    Your not alone in this, we are all in it together and you know we will support you in any way we can 😊 

    Take the tabs for 6 months and then take it from there. If you haven't already, I think there's also a HU site for anxiety and depression, join it as they may be able to guide you took 😊😊

  • Thanks droopy for your kind words if I'm honest I've drive him mad about smoking saying little things like could do with could do with cig right now and how when I go out an see it everywhere I go say the shops walking the dog on tv just can't avoid it so constantly in my mind among a lot of other things I just feel so weak right now and I know If I tell him he will just shout as he doesn't listen and I guess I don't know how to explain to him how I'm feeling as sometimes I don't understand it myself. I feel like a complete failure an if I do give in I'll be even more of a failure. I'm thinking about the depressants but even then take about 4 weeks to kick in then I'm stuck on them so back to square one just can't help beating  myself up. I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful children and yet I feel like this just feel like my world is crashing down around me sorry for pouring it all out on use just feel like u said lost. See my husband not the understanding type I just feel like a disappointment and I'm not the woman he married feel like he gonna get fed up with me  x

  • Hi Leanne

    really feel for you as depression is such a  lonely place and it's not easy to tell people your close to how your feeling even if you could explain it!

    I agree with Droopy that you ought to reconsider taking the antidepressants as when you’re feeling as low as you sound you probably do need some extra help to get you back on an even keel.

    Maybe your doctor can offer some further help as well as antidepressants? Not sure where you are but I'm in UK and when I saw my doctor this time last year as well as antidepressants, she also referred me to a counselling service who recommended I undertook  a 10 week course  on Mindfulness provided by the NHS as a once a week session for 10 weeks  - which I did and am so grateful to my doctor for referring me as it has been a godsend for me and is getting me through these early days of being a non smoker, which in itself is a whole new avenue! (Well fourth attempt but only got to 5/6 weeks previously so early days to me :) )

    Maybe you could consider joining some kind of evening/day class to do something you really enjoy, or take up some kind of hobby, I know with two kids and husband as well as looking for another job, time is probably short but sounds like you could do with some time for you and maybe to extend your social circle so you have someone to bitch to when things get too much,

    You do of course have the folk on this site and those such as me who can't help but try and offer practicable advice as can see your hurting and would like to try and ease your pain by making a couple of suggestions and also sending big hugs and reassurance that things WILL and DO get better.

     And please do be kind to yourself Leanne, you've done bloody well with the not smoking so don't beat yourself up over still using the mouth spray - my mother at 85yrs  still uses the occassion nicotine tab and she stopped smoking  at 70!  - bless her :)  x

  • Hi mazzie thank you for replying and for the helpful advice you've gave again I got upset reading your comment as your so right it is such a lonely place and I feel guilty feeling this way when I have a loving husband and children who love me. I'm on waiting list for therapy could be long wait I had an assessment and they said phycotherapy for my depression would help I've had cognitive therapy in past but Didn't find it very helpful if I'm honest so hopefully this will be different it was a big thing for me to admit I'm struggling just finding each day a battle lately with feeling so low and wanting to smoke my brain feels like it's gonna explode. I've had the depressants for a few weeks now but just the thought of being on them all over again and the side effects of when first start them that puts me off I don't really wanna go back to that. Also congratulations on your quit this is my first quit attempt x

  • Leanne I know what you mean about the tabs.... In 2009 I witnessed two awful incidents one after the other and ended up suffering with Post traumatic stress.... I had no idea what was going on with me or what was happening. I struggled to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Crying, miserable, increased appetite, severe mood swings were just some of the symptoms and I didn't know why

    I ended up on antidepressants, but did not want to take them. My GP was really good and said that I needed to take them to sort out the chemicals in my brain, I couldn't do it on my own. He was right, yes they took a month to kick in BUT once they did, my life became easier (although menopause kicked in at the same time ☹). Things didn't seem so bad and some things more bearable than others..... And the feeling of not being a complete failure started to leave me.

    I was referred to a physcotherapist but was really sceptical.... I had to wait 3 months (that also added to it!!) but actually she was pretty good. Although how she heard me through the sobbing each week I have no idea 🤔 

    Please give it a try, maybe everything will fall in to place for you quicker than you think. Sometimes we just need a bit of an extra hand to get us through the difficult times in our lives.

    Chin up Leanne there is no failure in asking for help, in fact it takes a strong person to ask for it....... Your stronger than you think Leanne 😊💛💛🚭🚭🚭🚭🚭

  • Hi Leanne, please don't feel guilty but rather tell yourself that how your feeling now is a natural part of depression and don't beat yourself up, which is also a natural thing to do when we're feeling down, kinda a catch 22.

    You've done so well getting to 14months that I certainly don't want to encourage you to start again as it won't cure anything just add another thing to feel guilty about.

    Don't know if you know anything about mindfulness but could be worth having a look on internet to find out more and see if it could be something that may help, not a quick fix but not many things worth doing are! :)

    In the meantime take care Leanne  Love and hugs x

  • Thank you for all your kind comments an support I'll somehow get through it as I always do just hard when you don't know which one way to turn feel like I shouldn't feel like this as my mother in law is fighting cancer and she has reason to be depressed but at same time trying to be strong for my husband when i feel so weak myself is hard before xmas we even gave up our rented house to move in with her to help an that was unbearable as my father in law always had ago at me if something wasn't done the way he wanted he would not pick so much so I would go up into my bedroom and sob my eyes out an told my husband I couldn't do it any longer so after 6 weeks moved into our own rented property again and everything seemed ok then the news of my job and bamm it hit me out of nowhere :-(

  • Hi Leanne and a great big YIPPYYYYYYYYY DIPPYYYYYYYYYY DOOOOOOOOOO 14 MONTHS QUIT NOWWWWWWWW am just flippin loooooving it gal and am sooooo PROUD of you :) :) :) 

    Okkkkk, so your still on the quick mist, I'm 22 months quit now and still on the e-cig !! am I bothered !! NOPE !! cos I will get rid of it when the time is right for me :) :) Soooo, thats one thing less for you to worry about eh :) xx

    You lost your job !! BUT, BUT, through no fault of your own eh :) soooo, you cant blame yourself for that !! can you :) xx

    Maybe try some exercising, get out of the house, go for some brisk walks, breath that fresh air and enjoyyyyy  :) Go to your local shops and see if there's any part time work going ? do you like ironing ? if so, take some in :) it will keep you busy and a bit of extra cash too eh :) BUT, not for flippin fags eh, please :) :) 

    Leanne, you've had some great advice from some of our lovely members to which I just cant better, well, I will be honest, I just havnt got a clue what to say to you really, as you've probably gathered, ermmm, but to say, a problem shared is a problem halved :) :) soooo, you come a flippin shouting when ever you like :) :) 

    Sending ya loads a warm, comforting, stay strong huggs to help you get through this tough time :) :)  

  • Hi Leanne, you've been through so much and no way should you feel guilty. You're quit  has shown a lot of strength and for that you should be very proud. Many would have caved in by now. Keep fighting and it doesn't matter you're still on the spray coz you're not smoking. Im so glad you've reached out to us as it's much too difficult to manage on your own. Lots of good advice here so I can't say much more, but please please use the spray and don't light up🚭😊

  • Know just how you feel, cigarettes always used to be the answer.  Like a friend in times of need.  I gave up for 8 months then a young close friend took her own life and it knocked me for six.  So I went back to smoking.  It didn't really help just heaped guilt on top of the other bad feelings and made me feel even more of a failure.  :Like you I don't have any friends who I thought I could talk to.  Took me a while before I tried to give up again and have now done almost two years smoke free.  I still use the spray occasionally in times of stress, know I probably shouldn't, but it helps. I hope your problems resolve themselves soon and if you can stay of the cigs you will feel you have achieved success in something.  I would ask your GP if he can put you on some medication that is OK if you do get pregnant. 

  • Hello Leanne you should reconsider taking the pills just for now ,they will help you thou this tough patch were fags won't ,like others have said you would have to go thou withdrawal all again .are your children young ?if they are how about joining some groups with them ,sorry you lost your job that's hard ,but you did nothing wrong for that to happen sadly business are closing all the time .chin up and talk to your hubby maybe delay having a new baby until you feel better in yourself ,good luck xx

  • Thanks everyone just going through really tough time at the min x

  • Leanne, we are with you allllll the way :) and if you want to let rip on here, you flippin let rip gal and shout out :) :) 

    Cos I believe in a problem shared is a problem halved :) :) 

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