I failed

I quit cold turkey the evening of sept 21 2015. 22 years I've smoked. I was sick again and just had it. So cold turkey for 9 days. On October 2 I had to put my 14 yr old dog to sleep. 2 nights later I cracked. I had a vape from before quitting and stayed away from it. But I caved and smoked it but with zero nicotine. Then work got super busy (own a new business) and ran into my ex from 14 yrs ago (who I was with when I got my dog). Then my aunt passed away in early November. I got low level nicotine . Then the only coworker that smokes was there one day and I asked for one puff. The next few days later it became a few puffs. Then one cigarette. When I put my coat on for cold weather before funeral there were 4 cigs from last winter in there. Yes I smoked them. Then the weekend after I drank for the first time in over a year, bummed a few off strangers at a bar. Then a few days w nothing. Then last week I bought a pack. Full failure. No I'm not smoking 10 + a day. But between 0-5 now. I was happier when I didn't, I felt more in control even though I had severe psychological stress and cravings hitting. I joined a gym.. I go 4-5 times a week I even do weight training now. Why am I being sucked back in.,,I feel like , my god I have NO vice, no outlet, shouldn't the gym be doing it?

I'm so disappointed. I'm sorry. I feel like such a failure. Has anyone traveled this path?

22 Replies

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  • Hi Andrea

    It's okay. Don't beat yourself up. You've been through hell. When you're ready again you'll start your quit journey again and we'll still be here for ya A lady on the weekend relapsed cause of stress and we just encouraged her. You're not alone okay๐Ÿ€

    Take great care


  • Thank you so much Arizona -hug

  • Hug back xx

  • Hi Andrea and a big warm welcome to quit support.

    Firstly - we don't fail :) :) you are having practice runs :) :) for the real one :) :)

    Most of our members have attempted to quit smoking several times before being successful.

    What you need to do is look at what is making you light up, I can see that stress seems to be the main thing. I suggest you have a read of Allen Carrs book easy way to quit smoking as this really does look at how our in our heads we tend to think that having a smoke will make it better, when the truth is...it doesnt - we just think that it does. SO you need to change the way you are thinking about cigarettes :) :)

    Have a read of some of the info under the pinned posts on the right hand side of the screen as there is a wealth of information. :) :)

    Quitting is not easy..but it is so worth it....it will test you and you just have to be strong and fight hard to reclaim the power over your body :) :)

    We have a great quit support team here who understand what it is like as we have all been where you are now :) :)

    You can do this Andrea, We will be here when you are ready to start again :) :)


  • Hi Andrea welcome to this quit support family๐Ÿ˜Š

    As the others have said you are not a failure it's just practise run for the real attempt๐Ÿ˜Š

    You just need to keep in your head how you felt when you were in control and not smoking. You can do this but you may need to think about how you give up...... Maybe use NRT instead of complete cold turkey might be an option for you....

    On here we say NOPE Not One Puff Ever๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿšญ๐Ÿšญ๐Ÿšญ๐Ÿšญ๐Ÿšญ๐Ÿšญ๐Ÿšญ

    Let us know when your ready to quit and we will give you as much support as we can ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

  • Hi Andrea

    You don't actually need the nicotine or any of the other chemicals in these nasty sticks. There is a deep rooted psychological link between your stress and smoking. Its a reward system that you have wired. In some way like drug addicts and alcoholics, although they need their drug to function normally. You need to smoke because you haven't smoked in a while and when anything bad or stressfull happened you lit up. Actually when something good happened you probably lit up.

    Its a question of undoing that wiring. I'm at month 10 and my "connections" are still very strong to the point that I have been suffering from anxiety/ depression.

    Some days it is intolerable, Would I be better off smoking ? NO!

    This is a phase I have to go through so that I can have a happier and healthier life

    Keep going



  • Hi James,

    What fantastic advice!!!

    Sending love,


  • I second that๐Ÿ˜Šx

  • Thankyou for that James...... I always have to remind myself daily that I'm hard wired to believing a cigarette will make me feel better but the opposite is true.......๐ŸŒท

  • Forgot to say , you didn't actually fail , you went from non smoker to smoker and back again.

    Every time you stop you give your body a break, which is good, just keep going.

    Beating yourself up and feeling disappointed will only make you feel like having a cigarette.

    When you are ready - NOPE !


  • How did you do it?

  • Patches. Realised that the physical craving was worst so started on gums.

    Stopped patches after4 -6 weeks, as I was getting enough nic from high strength gums.

    after 3 months started swapping nic gums for ordinary ones.

    Whenever I felt like a nicotine kick I would have a gum. Don't deny yourself! I felt it was better to fall of the gum wagon than start smoking again

    But I have been quite open on here , I have never been so depressed before. It was like mourning an old friend.

    But at 10 months, I know if I had continued I would be sitting here wheezing coughing worried about my health, and waiting for my next cigarette break.

    Find something that works for you. We will all help you.




  • Good Tuesday morning Andrea,

    I am so sorry for your troubles darling. Trust me....you ARE NOT a failure. You are trying and only hit a rocky spot. That sounds a bit trite, however, smoking to relieve anything is a bit trite to my thinking. HA! I only smoked 35+ years. I promise you this: You can do it.

    This sounds silly...think about all of the cigarettes you HAVE NOT smoked!! Isn't that a victory?

    Sending love,


  • Thank you. Did you go cold turkey? How did you do it?

  • I did go cold turkey but that was only my journey. I most assuredly do not recommend it. It only worked for me.

    You know what really worked: FEAR. I was suffocating and was so afraid of drowning in snot and coughing.

    So odd...within days of quitting, I quit coughing. Of course, I gained 20 lbs., couldn't sleep, blah, blah, blah.

    It's rather wonderful to have quit.

    I promise you can do it.

    Sending so much love,

    Leta P.

    Spicewood, TX

  • Hiya Andrea and welcome to quit support๐Ÿ˜Š

    You've got lots of good advice already from our lovely members, so I'll just say we're here for ya๐Ÿ˜Šx

  • I have just read that smokers suffer with more stress and anxiety than non smokers....

    Non smokers tend to have better mental health than smokers.

    Apparently as smokers we get more anxious because we can't always smoke when we want to. Which increases our anxiety.

    Smoking doesn't ease it it makes us worse.... Think about standing outside, having a smoke, then lighting up another one straight after because we know we're not gonna be able to sneak out for a while to have one.... Same as if your going on holiday so you cram them all in outside the airport and then worry when your going to get the next one, especially if your flight is delayed.........That all adds to our anxiety and stress...

    I see that now as that was me ๐Ÿ™ But I don't have to worry anymore ...... Whooohoo ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

  • So true, never thought of it like that before. Was always "just one more"before going back to work, or cramming them in at the airport. Jeez, I must have stank!!. 6 weeks + now. Started on NRT, now the occasional vape. ยฃ120 saved and in a jar on the mantle piece above the fire in my front room

  • Well good for you John, over 6 weeks smoke free and money in the savings pot ๐Ÿ˜Š Do you know what your gonna spend it on ??

  • Hi Droopyj,if it was up to me, I'd be getting myself a nice new tattoo. However, I do believe that my beloved- she who must be obeyed, will decide what 'I' shall spend it on. Also, thought about taking up playing a mandolin, something to keep my fingers busy!!

  • Well you could split the pot.... Your better half gets a treat for putting up with your disgusting habit and you get a new tattoo ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    Oooh a mandolin..... I like the sound of that. I couldn't even play the recorder when I was at school, I used to hum the tune instead โ˜น๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

  • Hi! Your post showed up in my feed so I thought I'd check to see how you are doing.

    Sounds like you had some bad obstacles.

    I hope your days are better and your smoking is nil!

    Merry Christmas



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