I quit cold turkey the evening of sept 21 2015. 22 years I've smoked. I was sick again and just had it. So cold turkey for 9 days. On October 2 I had to put my 14 yr old dog to sleep. 2 nights later I cracked. I had a vape from before quitting and stayed away from it. But I caved and smoked it but with zero nicotine. Then work got super busy (own a new business) and ran into my ex from 14 yrs ago (who I was with when I got my dog). Then my aunt passed away in early November. I got low level nicotine . Then the only coworker that smokes was there one day and I asked for one puff. The next few days later it became a few puffs. Then one cigarette. When I put my coat on for cold weather before funeral there were 4 cigs from last winter in there. Yes I smoked them. Then the weekend after I drank for the first time in over a year, bummed a few off strangers at a bar. Then a few days w nothing. Then last week I bought a pack. Full failure. No I'm not smoking 10 + a day. But between 0-5 now. I was happier when I didn't, I felt more in control even though I had severe psychological stress and cravings hitting. I joined a gym.. I go 4-5 times a week I even do weight training now. Why am I being sucked back in.,,I feel like , my god I have NO vice, no outlet, shouldn't the gym be doing it?
I'm so disappointed. I'm sorry. I feel like such a failure. Has anyone traveled this path?