Seeking help to stop smoking

[youngmother]

I smoked my first cigarette when I was 17 and continued to smoke until I was 35. I quit which was very very hard for me to do. I am a single mother. My 14 year old daughter started smoking a year ago. When I saw a pack of cigarettes in her handbag bag I begged her to stop. She refused and reminded me that I smoked as a teenager. She now is a heavy smoker. She gives me her babysitting money to buy cigarettes but I am certain her best friend’s mom, who is very well off, is supplying her with cigarettes. I got my daughter to try e cigarettes but she said they didn’t do anything for her. Here is what is heart breaking. Two weeks ago I had a really awful day at work. I came home all stressed out and found my daughter smoking at the kitchen table and doing her home work. I sat down with her. I fought myself but I lost in the end. I am so mad now when I think about it. I asked my daughter if I could take one drag. She passed me her pack and lighter and warned me that her cigarettes were very strong. I took one puff and got very dizzy. A few more puffs and I felt better but full of shame. I plan to visit the nurse practitioner at my company to find out how my daughter and I can stop smoking together. I am not sure my daughter will want to go along, but I can’t control that. I want to quit once and for all. Smoking cigarettes is so wrong and so stupid. The benefits may seem worth it but they are definitely not.

[Briarwood Administrator LONG TERM WINNER]

Hiya young mother and welcome to quit support😊

I really feel for you as the mother of a young daughter you only want the best for her and smoking is most definitely not. You know how addictive they are and how hard it is to quit. You have done it before and you can do it again. As you say you've no control over her smoking so all you can do is show her by example.

You can do this for yourself and your daughter and hopefully she will join you.

My advice would be to visit your nurse and decide how you're going to quit. Did you use Nrt before or cold turkey? This will help us to help you. You could perhaps get your daughter to read some of the posts on here, as she will see everyone says they wished they never started smoking. I certainly wished I gave up years ago but we can't change the past. Only hope to change a healthier future. Smoking is definitely wrong and stupid as you say and there are NO benefits. We are always wise in hindsight. Any problems and there's always someone here to help. Really hoping you get her to quit sooner rather than later😊x

[youngmother in reply to Briarwood]

She thought e cigarettes tasted funny and so didn’t stay with Nrt long. I encouraged her to keep going but she said she wanted a real cigarette in her mouth. I just about cried.

[Briarwood Administrator LONG TERM WINNER in reply to youngmother]

I'm really sorry to hear this, hope when she sees how well you're doing, it will encourage her. The thing with quitting is someone really has to want to quit themselves. In the meantime if she continues to smoke, ban her from smoking in the house. I hope you find the strength to continue your own quit and show her but example. Tell her you won't buy her cigs anymore and buy her gum instead. Remember it's your house and your rules. Good luck😊x

[Kas100 LONG TERM WINNER]

Hi young mother, it's so difficult to stay quit when you get stressed, that was always my trigger.

But you really want to quit and that's great because you will get there even if it takes a few attempts.

My daughter started smoking at 14 and I too begged her to stop. She would throw back at me that I smoked, I told her to learn from my stupid mistakes but she wouldn't listen.

She now has a daughter and that seems to have stopped her smoking.

But I think that because I have completely stopped smoking - no sneaky fags on a night out- this has helped set an example to her.

I am now practicing what I preach

Good luck to you both

Take care

Kas

Xx

[monky Administrator 35 Months Winner]

Hi Youngmother and a big warm welcome to our lovely quit support community I see Briar and Kass have given you some great advice and support already

YM, please, please, dont try to make your daughter quit smoking you cant make anybody quit smoking she will just dig her heals in more !! They have to WANT to quit

Rite, lets have a think about this one maybe next time your daughter is sat at the table doing her homework, get some paper and sit down with her then, I would like you to write down all the WHY's you like smoking and the benefits you get from smoking ? and am sure your daughter will be nosey and ask what your doing then, just sort of calmly say I'm drawing up a plan to quit smoking - dont pay much attention to her and get on with your quit plan

Now, on another piece of paper, write down all the WHY's you want to quit and all the benefits like, money, healthier, not stinking of fags, no coughing up phlegm in the morning, whiter teeth, softer skin, I want to see my daughter get married, I want to see my grand children grow up, you want your bedroom to smell nice and fresh in a morning, etc etc I'm sure you could come up with lots more gal

Now then, if you have a PC and a printer, then I would like you to make a few copies of this, make em colourful so they catch your eye and maybe somebody else's eye tooo eh then stick um around your house where you and your daughter are most likely to want a smoke It may just make her think a little eh

If you think this is going to help you and your daughter, then please reply and I will let you know what you need to do for the next stage of your quit plan

Good luck YoungMam and hope to see's ya soon Pete

[plisi2253 18 Months Winner]

What is shocking in your statement is " I plan to visit the nurse practitioner at my company to find out how my daughter and I can stop smoking together. I am not sure my daughter will want to go along, but I can’t control that." I, as a parent, can make my 14 year old do what I say. I am in control, not the children. Until they are 18, they will live by my rules or else.

[youngmother in reply to plisi2253]

I am a single mother. My ex upped and left us both when our daughter was 3 years old. I haven't seen nor heard from him since. I work two jobs six days a week in order to stay in our rental house. When I get home at night I am too tired to try and tell my daughter what to do. I have tried, believe me, but controlling her about her smoking brings fights and I hate that.

[monky Administrator 35 Months Winner in reply to youngmother]

Hey hey Youngmum please, please calm down a bit eh

As for your hubby leaving you and your daughter at the age of 3 is just flippin flippin !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well, i'm not going to say what I think of him

YMum, I know you work very hard to keep a roof over your heads and I tell you, I admire you soooo much for that gal But BUT please dont try to tell your daughter that she's got to quit, like you say, it just causes fights PLUS, you wont make her quit if she dosnt want to

Just try to remember back to when you were a teenager, did you do everthing your mum and dad said cos I flippin know I didnt I think I did the opposite to what they said

Like I said before YMum, give here space and show her that you can quit the fags and how hard it is to quit Maybe ask her not to smoke in your house cos its poisoning you too and any pets you may have Ermmm, we had a post on here a while ago now, about what toxins were in a cigarette I will try to find it for you and repost it so that you can print it off and maybe just leave it on the kitchen table so that your daughter may just read it eh This aint going to be easy YMum, but we will find a way to help you

YMum, if you could please let us know what sort of e-cig you gave to your daughter, then perhaps we could help you to get the right one for her

PS, have you managed to quit yet ? and if so, please let me know your quit date, then I can add you to the Wall of Winners and keep your Winners badge up to date

Rite am off to try and find that post for ya's, you take care now and see's ya soon

Pete

[Briarwood Administrator LONG TERM WINNER in reply to youngmother]

Hiya youngmother, I can understand how very hard it is for you doing 2 jobs and bringing up your daughter by yourself. I'm just wondering how you are managing with your own quit, even though your daughter is still smoking it's still possible to quit yourself. Not easy but it can be done. The thing is we think smoking helps us but it really doesn't and if you can quit it will certainly help show your daughter it can be done. Please if you need any help, let us know. Many of us have managed to stay quit even living with smokers. it's hard but you've already done a lot of hard things , like working 2 jobs and rearing your daughter. Believe you are an amazing person for doing all this and I really do admire you😊x