This morning I replied to the beautiful people who took the time to respond to my cries for help.
" I'm crying as I type ( surprise!!) its nice to know its normal?? I try and think of the positives, but the negatives seem so bloody HUGE!! It is such a battle. I am finding that any of the things that aggravated me as a smoker are now IMMENSE..... this is where my anger is directed..... its as if my wall of bullet proof material ( the fag to calm me down ) has now disappeared and the people, things, me are now so in HD its knocking me in to a spiral. I feel like every now and then I gasp a mouthful of air before disappearing back in to the crying weeping wreck!! I hope you all don't mind my writing this, but thought it might help someone else who finds themselves on day three not wanting to give up giving up but find these feelings so horrifying. Im not gonna smoke NOPE! I just wanna sleep and feel better. My beautiful son ( autistic ) makes me feel worth it. :-)"
Not long after typing the above my daughter text me to say bananas were full of the natural mood enhancer tryptophan... as well as the b6,b12, potassium and magnesium. I immediately started on a banana, anything to stop me crying (please god). I read through the responses and felt that there was a chance. I even found myself smirking at the schizophrenic me walking aimlessly round saying Im happy through the inane sobbing. There have been moments today where the sadness lifted. I thank you guys on here for this!!! Ive cried a LOT, and I am still REALLY REALLY angry at things I have no control over. Instead of hiding from things behind the vail of smoke, they are jumping out of my muddled brain and slapping me hard ..... I AM NOT lying when I say this is HARD!!! But it is day 3 and I HAVE had glimmers of sanity. I have even felt a little pang of proudness :)) but am tentative about being too proud as I am not strong. But Im still going. Thank you again.... this site is a REAL HELP!! xx I hope I sleep tonight?! Maybe tomorrow I'll have more spaces of relief?