I wish I could laugh without coughing. Take a deep breathe without coughing. Lie down without coughing. Do ANYTHING without coughing. I coughed so much less when I was still smoking that it makes it nearly impossible to stay away from them. I just want to pick up a pack and smoke the whole darn thing to stop the coughing. I could work out before. I could joke with my wife and kids and laugh before. I could talk to people for hours before. Now I can't do much. I can still function and force myself to do what needs to be done, but it's uncomfortable. I have to relearn to do everything. I even have to relearn how to wake up and go to sleep. Cough drops/syrup don't work as it's in my small airways. The constant congestion is irritating beyond belief not only for myself, but for anyone I attempt to hold a conversation with. I understand everyone that has successfully quit has had to endure these hardships, but it doesn't make it easier for me. Yes, it gives me hope, but it doesn't make it go away. It feels good to let all of these thoughts out. They circulate and build in my head over and over and it is almost unbearable. I don't want this, but I don't want to risk a more severe illness just for immediate relief. I'm tired... I'm exhausted... It's only been a few weeks, but feels like I have been running for 3 months. I don't mean breathlessness or a tight chest, I simply mean the exhaustion. This wears on you like nothing else. It is a constant battle for me from the time I wake to when I go to sleep. It's not a craving as much as it's a desire for relief. Yes, I get cravings ever 45-75 minutes, but those are easy to deal with when held side by side to the coughing. I'm done for now, just needed all that out of my head. Sorry for the long rant ?.
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