post traumatic stress

HI everyone ive had ptsd since i was 23 actually even before then due to environmental factors now im 43 i suffer severly from emotional numbness had a few events happen and emotionally had to shut it all down ive been in what they call a dissociated state and i cant acess emotions or many memories about my own life prior to when i was 23. Ive tried EMDR, Neuro feedback im in trauma counselling had years of it doesnt help, hypnosis, tre (traumatic release exercises) pretty much everything im now only able to work 6 hours a week doing a small cleaning job i try to do EFT from off youtube has anyone had any sucess with that? i think i may have to resign myself to the fact that i just cant get out of the ptsd trap i mean how are you meant to deal with stuff that is outside of your conscious awareness? any comments great ly appreciated

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  • I had a big breakthrough with EMDR today. I've been having it now every week for fifteen months but this was the first breakthrough for me. I'm hoping this is the beginning of integration and healing. It's taken a long time but finally yes finally I can say I can see how this is going to work. Like you I've been in a dissociated state in fact have gone into dissociated fugue where I don't know where I've been or where the time has gone. I've found myself on the top of a cliff before not knowing how I got there but fortunately was able to text and my dr came straight back to me by text. When I get too dissociated I can't talk and I was in that place.

    I have had talk therapy with my dr for many years but I never managed integration. I have DID so many parts and it was this I wanted to start integrating. I would find one of the parts or alters would have done something to the body and I would only know because I would find the dressings.

    I do hope you can find the therapy that works best for you. We are all individual and one size does not fit all.

    Welcome to the group.

  • thank you for your reply my experience with EMDR wasn't good in fact i had a physical reaction to it that left me feeling terrified for quite some time and i panicked i did perserve with it for awhile but the reactions just werent worth it for me and the anxiety it gave me was hideous im glad you are getting somewhere with it though...

  • That is a fascinating story and welcome to the PTSD Global community funkygypsy.

    Thank you for sharing your situation.

    I know the human mind can partition off memories and emotions due to truama, but I've never heard of anyone not being able to access them.

    You say you have tried hypnotic regression?

    People have suggested that I should try hypnotic regression for my childhood trauma aged 5 onwards for a few years. Thats around 1965 onwards.

    There is still a lot that is blocked in me from those experiences outside of the normal. When I found myself outside my parents bedroom door stood in pitch black in a state of total and abject terror, too frightend to call out to them and too frightened not to. While trying to stop my knees banging together and not wet myself. Eventually my mum or dad would hear me sobbing uncontrollably. On those occassion they became frightened by what was happening to me. My Mum was a brillaint lady and so loving and caring that she sat me on the bed and comforted me and also got stern with me to remember what had happened. Mum was a nurse in her early years.

    It was only through Mum that I was able to put my mind back there and trust me, I really did not want to go back there. I strongly felt that just by remembering, that would take me back to where I had been. Have you heard the term "organic portal"? How do you describe as a 5 year old things that are not part of this reality/dimension? Not only is the language inadequate but there are no reference points here either? But I was very strongly aware even though I was only 5, that I had to protect my parents from who and what I had seen and experienced.

    Mum enabled me to recall some of what I had seen and been part of after the events, but it was extremely and intensely painful process to dig into my memory. But there is without question a lot more I cannot remember.

    That all may sound nonsense to some people, but I had incredible and priceless help and support only much later in life from reading the papers and about the works of a true pioneer in medical science. A man with clear sight and true understanding and empathy. His name was Dr John E Mack Psychiatrist Harvard PhD.

    His principle is that these types of experiences that happen to a small number of people all over the world and from every cultural background, whether the experiences are of a spiritual or of a phsyical nature, they are real. For that reason alone the people are worthy of medical support and respect for them who have actual experiences outside of this reality/dimension.

    Regretably there is virtually no recogniton or support available in the UK.

    I am non religious and I am not an athiest, I am a lifetime student. There are things outside of the scope of medical science and orthodox science generally. For those people who experience those things, we have to find our answers elsewhere and often there are few or no answers. I have enough memoires not to want to recall anymore through hypnotic regression. But I now know what happened and I know who they were. I accept what happened and I am not alone in having those experiences. I don't have all the answers and everyones experiences are different under that general situation. I would not claim to have the answers either. It is to a certain degree "unknown science" or science waiting to be discovered. I am no messiah and I don't write books or have youtube channels, I am just another face on the street. I am a man and nothing more.

    Childhood trauma of that scale is a very tough one. I struggled hard during my early years. But I came good, it is part of the lesson.

    Without needing or wanting to know your past, perhaps a look at John E Macks work might resonate with you?

    In 2008 my experiences started again and even last week I had what I feel was a  spirtual experience. I have no explanation for what I saw, but it was not from the normal.

  • hey thank you for your reply there are a million different ways that ptsd can present itself all unique to that individual and their background i had tried some hypnotic regressions therapy yes.......a lot of bad things came about after these sessions they were actually quite dangerous and terrifying and i was never able to get back into the relaxed state that took me there in the first place..........it didnt help heal anything my trauma therapist says that if memories are blocked off there is a very good reason for it...im at the stage now where i really try to accept and live with the PTSD now days im mean ive spend thousands of dollars on every therapy available for this illness i will take a look at JOHN E MACKS it might resonate as you say my physical body is now at the stage after all this time where i get sick more often than not and take much longer to recover from colds and flu and get adrenal fatigue much of the energy i have now days is centred on trying to take of myself physically eat better get rest etc..........as you say there are often no answers and i have resigned myself to that fact i have a spiritual faith i have to leave it all in Gods hands nowdays...........thats all i can do thank you for youre reply though...was good

  • Thank you for your reply !

    After reading of your experiences with hypnotic regression, that bolsters my feelings of leaving it well alone. I have only heard of people coming away from regression with even more questions and virtually none of theirs beforehand actually being answered.

    There is a point I feel where you need to accept that there is no point looking for answers, its gone, its history, I can't change what happened. I ask myself the question: would anymore memories help me now where I am in my life and the answer is realistically no.

    The memories I have are enough and I really don't need to add to them.

    Having faith is a good thing. I have faith that not all things are bad and that I myself play a major part in how good or bad the future will be. I never give up faith or hope for the future. Its the way of the spiritual warrior.

    Only about two weeks ago I had a significant large white orb sighting at night in a neighbours garden.  I sat watching it on a bench in our garden for maybe 15 minutes, but my latest generation smart phone camera couldn't see it.

    I guess they can't see ethereal things.

  • That is a fascinating story and it resonated with me. I too have had rather unexplainable experiences. Strangely, the major one happened about a week after the incident that left me with PTSD - I was relaxing in bed when suddenly I found myself out of my body and zooming through a portal and a long way away where I met beings who seemed very loving and cared for me. Weird. I tried hypnosis to remember what happened but I couldn't access the memories, thankfully the ones I could remember weren't troubling me.

    But it 's strange that it occurred a week or two after the event that gave me PTSD (I had to run for my life with my boyfriend as we'd received a serious death threat from a very angry flat mate, and then later that night when we'd found refuge at a friend's empty flat, my boyfriend had a schizophrenic break and tried to kill me by strangling me). That 2 weeks of my life, with the assault AND the out of body journey has shaped me as a person ever since - in some unhelpful and some helpful ways. I've finally got help and support - I'm being assessed for PTSD and offered EMDR. Fingers crossed I've finally found something to help me!!

    It's strange that you should mention the 'organic portal'. I went to a talk last night by someone called Todd Acamesis, who is experienced in out of body travel, and he mentioned that he'd encountered these portals in an out of body state. You might want to look him up. He has some very interesting things to say about the nature of reality and the universe being not what is seems.

  • It was interesting seeing Elon Musk recently in a science conference saying there is a very high probability that this isn't the base reality and that it is likely we live in a computer like program where highly intelligent beings run the program.

    Did you obtain the EMDR treatment you were hoping for?

    I hope all is well with you?

  • how interesting! A bit like the matrix then?!

    I'm just about to start the EMDR next week. I met my therapist and she seems nice. She's given me lots of helpful things to practice to help me calm down my anxiety in prep for the treatment, which are already helping :)

  • Thats brilliant news ! Having a positive feeling about the treatment sometimes makes it work better for you.

    It is surprisng how much truth is shown in sci-fi movies.

    I love the Matrix trilogy. They've got some classic lines in them !

    I've always been into sci-fi books and movies. Especially the classics like Asimov, Heinlein, and Wyndham, CS Lewis etc