Hello

I have only recently found out that I've been suffering from PTSD for many years and at last I'm getting treatment. It was triggered when my boyfriend at the time became mentally unwell and tried to kill me. Initially I didn't even remember what had happened, and I had a blank space in my mind about it, but a year later I started getting flash backs and that's when the panic attacks and depression started. I managed on anti-depressants and counselling for a while, then I met my husband and started a family.

A few years on I moved into a community, where my next-door neighbour was going through a very public mental breakdown and was clearly delusional, which was attracting all sorts of scary individuals to his (and my) house. When his mental state had got so bad, I had to call the ambulance and police to get him sectioned. This happened twice, and so it's not surprising that this triggered the PTSD and the panic attacks and depression returned. I soon developed M.E. and then later on in 2010 I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease called Lupus. I believe these are all linked to the high levels of anxiety I've suffered over the years, which caused chronic fatigue and triggered the disease process.

I am happy that this new online community has begun, and I look forward to the support I know we can help each other with.

6 Replies

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  • I never cease to be blown away by the shear dogged determination of people like you when I hear stories like yours.

    You are a real surivivor and thank you for sharing a tiny bit of the past. It gives everyone perspective and hope who's had terrible events. I feel its not a competiton though and there are no awards or medals.

    Same here, I am delighted to be offered the join this group.

    I can't tell my story because its too raw even after 13 years and its a nasty story no better in the telling.

    But I moved on and keep moving on. Its what we do.

  • Thanks hayabusa.

    It's amazing how something that happened such a long time ago can still be so incredibly raw. I lived in fear of my ex-boyfriend for years, even having panic attacks when occasionally I think I see him in the street but it's not him, just someone similar looking.

    Have you heard of 'Somatic experiencing'? I hadn't heard of it until very recently when someone recommended I started treatment with a local practitioner. It's a really effective treatment because it doesn't get you to relive the trauma, but teaches you to listen to your body. It's very hard to describe but during the session certain physical sensations occur as the trauma moves out of your body. It seems that PTSD is some kind of reaction of the nervous system to trauma, which keeps it on perpetual 'alarm bell' (fight or flight), which manifests as anxiety and anger. For me it's like every challenging situation feels like 'this could kill me!' and keeps me on 'high alert'. The S.E. is helping me to calm my nervous system down and to not feel as threatened by every day things.

    It's amazing how our bodies cope with such high amounts of stress. I think everyone on this forum has done so well to get to this point.

  • My partner was not only a victim of a hit and run driver, but she had a psychopathic violent partner at the time too. He beat her very badly and put her in hospital several times. I can't imagine why anyone would do that and I do not need to know why.

    I found her on the Internet when I was homeless and we are together now in a safe and happy home despite our severe health issues.

    I agree with you about constantly.being on guard when I am out. On edge. I react very badly when I am being threatened or that my partner is being threatened. It's like my self protection defenses are in permanent overload?

    I have little appreciation of how badly I react when I am doing it or afterwards

    But it is quite frightening for other people. I am talking about verbal reaction and not physical. But I get very angry. So I rarely go out to avoid other people and avoid situations. I am.safe and happy at home which we keep calm and happy because we.both have to. We like it like that.

  • That S.E. sounds fantastic!!

    Thank you and no I haven't heard about it. I will check it out online over the next few days.

    My neuropsychologist has invited me to join his class of NHS Mindfulness meditation. It's based on Bhudist methods but de-religionised apparently.

    I very much like the Bhudist way of learning and spirituality so this might be good for me.

  • Yes I would recommend the mindfulness classes too. I did them a few years ago and found them really helpful and I still use some of the techniques now. It helps to just 'be' with what is going on inside me without reacting to it, which somehow just helps.

  • Mindfulness without the the Buddhism will only take you so far.

    Mindfulness is over 2500 years old. There are many who claim to have been on courses to be able to teach it, but have very little understanding of the problems that can go with it.

    Buddhist monks study it 24/7. You need to find Buddhist teachers when you run into problems.

    True mindfulness cannot be de-religionised.