My Sister's Brave Decision

[Skye04]

I have been part of this group for a few years now and find comfort here...My sister who was diagnosed with CBD 4 years ago is now in Long Term Care and has deteriorated so much since 'lockdown'... She finds her situation intolerable and has decided not to fight this disease anymore...Here in Ontario MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying) is legal and she has been approved by two independent doctors to carry out this procedure. As this cannot happen in her LTC facility she plans to go home to her condominium Jan 1...and carry out the procedure Jan. 6th....I am heartbroken at the thought of losing her but see how she struggles every day and totally understand her decision...I am wondering if anyone on here has been through this with their loved one and if so are there any tips to make this transition as smooth as possible...Thank you to all on this site for making this a safe place for me to express my fears and concerns... Liz

[honjen43]

Liz - That is a very brave decision your sister has made!Watching my husband go through similar life limiting days with CBD (we think), I hope that I could come to a similar decision as your sister. Hubby and I did not have that conversation and I don't think he would have made a similar decision, if available. We had a referendum here in November to find out how much support there is - and it was considerable.

If I were in your shoes, I would give all my time to your sister between now and Jan 6. Help her tie up any 'loose ends' she may have - go places on day trips, paperwork, anything she wants to put in order. And talk about the end of her life. When you know life is "so long", then there are many things not talked about that can be said frankly. Plan her funeral or any rites she wants to have.

I have always felt it is a pity when you meet so many people at a person's funeral who have come to pay their respects. I plan to have a 'wake' before I go - if that is possible! - and enjoy the company of all my loved friends and relatives before I leave this Earth.

To do that for someone else, I feel would give a person satisfaction that all has been accomplished that can be, and could help with the grief afterwards.

I was by my fathers bedside until shortly before he died. I mourned his loss greatly, yet it was tinged with love and relief that I was there for him and could have done no more.

Be strong, both of you!

Big hugs

Jen XXX XXX

[Skye04 in reply to honjen43]

Thank you for your reply I plan to spend as much time with her as I can and have those conversations...

[LuisRodicioRodicio]

Hi Skye04!Very hard moments and painful decisions.

I do not have experience. I'm sorry.

A big hug and courage.

Take care.

Luis

[Skye04 in reply to LuisRodicioRodicio]

Thank you LuisRodicioRodicio

[daddyt]

I'm in Ontario too, and well aware of Maid. Your sister's decision is hard to live with... but it is hers, and I'm sure it didn't come lightly. I know how challenging the disease can be and the toll it takes on your body and psyche. If it's eternal rest she wants, then it honour it. We are many who'll continue to pick up her torch and continue to the fight against CBD - PSP until we can't. Hugs and prayers.

[Skye04 in reply to daddyt]

Thank you daddyt for picking up her torch and continuing the fight...you are all very brave souls..

[AJK2001]

I think you are both very brave ladies. I agree with Jen, if she can tell you how she would like her funeral to be it will make it alot easier for you. I didn't fully have that conversation with my Mum, there some things I knew but not everything, then I found several pieces of paper written at different times which all had the same music & readings on. It made it so much easier knowing I was carrying out her wishes. Also if friends can visit, it's much better they do it whilst your sister is still here. Mum's funeral was just before Christmas last year & there were several people who couldn't make it as they had long journeys & other plans in place but it didn't matter as they had been to see Mum in the few months before & that was what mattered.I wish you & your sister strength and hope that you can share many happy memories in the coming days. xxx

[Skye04 in reply to AJK2001]

AJK2001.....Thanks so much for your kind words...My sister has told her hubby exactly what she wants for a funeral..thankfully we can have a small 'socially distanced' one which is fine and I thought I would invite more of her friends for a get-together hopefully in the summer ...My sister was a Social Worker in our High School system and I know was very well respected so I would like to do something for the many that can't be invited right now...We followed each other from Scotland to Canada and have always been extremely close...this will be a heartbreaking time but my family are close and wonderful....

💓 Liz

[Martina_MP]

It is sad that her poor quality of life has brought her to this point but a good thing that she has the option of self-determination, feeling like she is retaining her dignity, and leaving gently, supported by those who love her. I hope she finds the peaceful release she is looking for. I am sorry that you are facing a huge loss. It’s been a tough year.

[Skye04 in reply to Martina_MP]

Thank you Martina for you kind words!

[easterncedar]

We don't have MAID here in Maine, but my guy decided when hospice was called in that he was going to go on his own schedule and stopped eating and drinking. It was very hard to accept, but he was persistent, never changed his mind for a moment. His communication was pretty limited, and I rather hoped he would forget his intent from one day to the next, but he didn't, wouldn't take more than a small ice chip and some morphine. He lasted 10 days. We stayed together as much as possible, listened to music and cuddled. He sat outside in the sunshine in his reclining wheelchair. Friends came and spoke to him even as he became less responsive. I think he heard. There is comfort knowing he took control of his own fate in the end. He was heroic, no longer a victim, and it took the ultimate responsibility from me, which was kind.

[Skye04 in reply to easterncedar]

How brave he must have been and you also!! I hope I can keep it together as she wants me to be there along with her husband and son...I hope I can keep it together for her sake...and I feel the same with my sister... she is taking on control of this disease and will not be a victim...I will be relieved to see her at peace...finally!! I am sorry for your loss.....

[easterncedar]

Thank you, Skye. I'm sorry for you and your sister's husband and son. The idea of losing a sister (I have several and love them all dearly) is harrowing. Still, there is a great deal of comfort in just being there at the end; I feel very sad for all those denied that in these awful days.

[Skye04 in reply to easterncedar]

❤ Thank you!!