its been a while since I came on site its just over three months since Geoff died and I am using a bereavement councillor shes very good and I talk my head off about Geoff I hope it helps me to stop my feelings of being inadequate life is so lonely no matter who you are with you still have to come home to loneliness sorry still feeling sorry for myself our local gazette are doing a feature on geoffs life in the December issue as its his birthday xmas day I have my first hurdle tomorrow night its my daughter in laws 50 th birthday party and will be mostly couples I just hope I don't cry maybe a few gins will help I have been trying to think if there is a way I can help the psp association we collected almost 700 pounds at his funeral which went to them and I am going to leave some money in my will but I need something else I cant run marathons [too old] but it has given me something to think about maybe I will sell some of the veg I grow which I give away at the moment I intend trying to do something life will never be the same but geoffs life meant something and he will always be in my heart his headstone says life is not forever love is he was a special person has a wonderful family so left a great legacy love to you all doreen
my hero Geoff : its been a while since I... - PSP Association
my hero Geoff
The first year is the worst year in grieving. Every holiday, anniversary or day with special meaning will be spent not with Geoff. It will take time to get over the raw pain of his loss. Slowly it won’t hurt so much. It will take as long as it takes. It is good you are talking to someone about it.
many thanks jeff I know many have felt the way I do at the moment its raw and 56 years married its difficult to deal with things I haven't touched any of his things yet as I can even smell him on my towels strange isn't it thanks for your kind words doreen
I have a favourite hoodie of his I was dying to replace, but he liked it - it was warm and comfy. Now I leave it draped over the back of a chair he last used. I give it a good deep breath when I need that sort of hug and I'm pretty sure I'll never wash it, lol
Like you, dear Doreen, I'm still trying to come to terms with my new life. It's not one that I would have chosen but it's been dished out to me and somehow I've got to get used to it and try to pick up the pieces. When I'm out and about with folk I can laugh and have a good time but that's only a small part of my life, the rest feels lonely and somewhat isolated, I long for my family but the are all many miles away, maybe one day I will move back closer to them. All seems a bit daunting doesn't it. Take care
Lice Kate xxx
Beautifully put Kate. It`s 3 months since P died and I too put on a brave face. I`ve had lots of support from family and friends but it`s just not the same is it ? The one person you want is no longer there.
I hated seeing him suffer but I miss having someone to talk to or make a cup of tea for. We were together for over 52 years so it will take a long time to grieve I`m sure. I`m keeping busy and trying to stay strong for my family but it`s hard isn`t it ?
xx
My sentiments exactly NanBabs, the world outside think you're doing fine when inside you feel lost and alone. Take care now.
Kate xxx
So true, Kate..People ask if you're feeling better (hoping or expecting you are getting "on with life"..) and you smile and say "well as can be expected" but inside it's like a huge hole has been blown into the center of your being.
Anne G.
I know how hard it is. Three months for me as well. It’s worse in some ways. But I’m still trying to get up each day. No plans yet. I’m confused. Taking it slow
Bless you
Cuttercat
Doreen,
I’m another member of the 3 month club. June was a painful month for his forum. I was blessed with only 35 years of marriage to my beloved wife. I’m envious of your 56 years. What a blessing.
I too find smells, objects around the house, and foods that bring a flood of memories. I was filling out a survey on the hospice team yesterday and found it very painful to remember to last weeks.
I hope you made it to the birthday party, I’m convinced that getting out and spending time with family and friends is the best medicine, despite that it is a couples event.
Hoping that you find renewed purpose, strength, and comfort as you navigate this painful berievment process,
Bobby
i made it to the daughter in laws [michelles ] party although I stood in our bedroom sobbing my eyes out before I got ready and everyone included me in her 50 celebration and I didn't feel too isolated I foolishly I suppose took a picture of Geoff with me [in my bag ]so it felt he could be there too I now have an other problem to deal with our daughter Debbie who is recovering after breast cancer wasn't too well at the party she went home early and I got a call to hospital at 3 in the morning she has gall stones in a dangerous position and a massive infection and is now awaiting an operation it never rains but it pours it feels like life is slapping me down every day they say problems are sent to people who can cope with them but ive had enough missing Geoff is so hard and I know how lucky I was to have him for 56years but that awful illness was unfair we fought it for four and a half years it was cruel he gave in the end but I was so proud of him I will miss and love him till I die feeling sorry for myself again one day maybe my post will be on a happier note thanks to everyone for your support doreen
Doreen,
Sharing your pain here is not feeling sorry for yourself. Their is an expectation from our family and friends to be strong, however we are falling apart inside. You have friends here that understand your feelings.
I keep a picture of my wife on my iPad background. It reminds me of the good times we had.
Wishing a blessing of those “happier note” times,
Bobby
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