If I had a paper calendar I would put a big red heart in for today with lipstick! 💖
My visit with Liz was wonderful.
Liz actually tried to smile when I found her in the drawing room at the home.
We went to her room as usual and she made a Herculean effort to hug me. I tried to hold back the tears.
I gave her the news and asked her for her news - Twenty questions style to give and share her views. She answers with hand squeezes and blinks and finger movements. It is miserable to watch the struggle as she tries to communicate, but today she was trying to communicate!
I have spent much time questioning myself about exactly why I need her not to be grumpy, but to be loving.
I expect it is obvious to everyone but me. When she is hugging and smiling we can make a warm loving place where she is cherished and safe, wrapped in love and care. When she is 'angry' she is alone with anger and the suffering of the illness... a horrible place where she suffers alone.
At one point she took my hand and very slowly brought it to her face, rubbed her cheek and kissed it. It took her so much concentration and effort. I had tears running down my cheeks. Later we shed a tear or two together about it all.
A wonderful day...
Thanks to all for the support here - It keeps me going through the bad times.
Warmly
Kevin
💖
Written by
Kevin_1
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Oh Kevin now I am in tears! Poor Liz! You know what we tell everyone that people are still in their bodies and understand? Well you have just proved that today. Or should I say Liz did? So when she is grumpy or angry remember it's the illness not Liz? Remember today! Happy belated Valentine's Day!
Tilly I am well at present but getting colder looking at the snow fall! It is supposed to get worse on Thursday. Great to know? Have you got snow?
Plus I have a new cooker being delivered tomorrow! Hope they don't fall on the driveway!
Last week I fell over in the bedroom and have been in pain since. Well at least until today. It has started to ease off thank goodness. Talk about feeling old! You realise how truly awful it is when you can't do things unless you put up with the pain. Makes me think of all our loved ones and what they went through or are going through. They are all so very brave aren't they?
How about you Tilly? How are things with you both?
Kevin this has brought me to tears reading this. Every word resonates with me and I am sure many others on this site. When we have a glimpse of our loved ones showing connection and love towards us you realise that they are still them💔 my mum did a similar thing to me by taking my hand and putting it to her lips to kiss. I was both heartbroken and elated at the same time. Thank you for sharing and giving us hope. Love to you and Liz. Xxx
Oh that's so nice. I'm really glad that you had a really good day.
I can appreciate the effort that went into the hug, when I used to get home from work, David would have his arms on the arms of the chair, and I would lean into him putting my arms inside his on the arms of the chair so that he could raise his arms and squeeze in on mine, it became our way of hugging as the PSP progressed, especially as he couldn't cope with my weight on him if I tried to lean in from outside.
You are so right about the anger. It is much nicer to have the pleasant partner and not the angry one, but as you know, at least we know it's the PSP and not real anger.
A day to cherish Kevin and maythere be many more. It must feel wonderful for both of you when you are able to show your affections for each other, it's a basic need in all of us and it's the thing that I find the most difficult to deal with. I would love Ben to be able to put his arms around me and give me a cuddle but it's not going to happen as he can barely move his arms.
What a wonderful moment to capture. And Liz being able to summon up the strength and concentration to do so shows how much she loves you and knows all you are doing for her. And maybe a lesson to us all (even when PSP is not involved), that when so much is stripped away it is the very basic gestures, feelings and communicating with each other that bring the most joy, and to make sure we really give enough time to really "feel" those moments as I imagine remembering them will make the hard times a little easier to bear. I truly hope you have many many more shared special moments xx
I just read this Kevin....tears are running down my cheeks as well.....love so bitter and so true it brings life and the death of you....sorry just got poetic i guess. I can just imagine how wonderful your day was yesterday.....I am very happy for you and for Liz. For a moment she was living PSP free as she was ensconced in your love....Amen
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A photo of a good day
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