I'll be coming home tomorrow

That's what Dad just told me! Er, no you won't, as I can't look after you and mum! To which my dad got quite annoyed, no empathy at all! Do I expect any empathy? No of course not! But wouldn't a little tiny bit be nice?!

Of course I asked is everything ok? Is anyone being horrible to you? No! Cos if they are Dad, I will kill them slowly and painfully! What's the matter then? Well the service isn't great? What do you mean? They offered me a cup of tea but it never came! So ring your bell and remind them! Don't like too! Never wants to be any trouble my Dad!! Next problem the food, but personally I can't see any problems there! They seem to be catering to his every food need if you ask me!

Anyway you don't think I'll be staying here for the rest of my days do you?! Oh god, how to reply......(I've not tackled this yet)! Im hoping when Mum is well enough to visit she can explain that (I think it's better coming from her) so I just changed subject, I can't face that yet!

Dad went to the music yesterday but it was very 18th century don't you know? I asked what they sang? We will meet again and Frank Sinatra and Elvis. So what's the problem there? You like Elvis and Frank! No answer. I said I don't think the residents would want Beyonce, Ed Sheeran or Shakira but Dad seems to think they might lol so I said I'll ask if they can jazz it up a bit next week! I asked if he liked being in the special recliner whilst at the music, yes and was comfortable (so again all good).

He then told me that my sister had food delivered in at 3am this morning which he ate at 3.30am!! Er no, this obviously didn't happen!

So a lil confused (quite normal for Dad) but otherwise looked good, clean and shaven.

Just updating you all really and letting you know where we are

Much love x

31 Replies

  • Sorry to hear that but as you know they will hit where it hurts and just let it go over your head love

    My partner has been in hospital now 6 weeks ( I know it's abit different from where your dad is )and when I went today I was the biggest basket about cause it's me keeping him in there and to stop grassing on him when he's feeling unwell . I just walk away the go back and he's changed again

    I admire you for what you are doing with your dad and mum getting over her illness

    Just keep smiling your doing a great job

    Sue xx

  • Bless you Sue! I think we always say what we think to those closest to us whether or not it hurts! Sad very sad but fact! Hugs big fat ones! X

  • Hugs straight back to you too


  • Sue

    You are doing the right thing. No use trying to reason with him he won't understand or will forget it? What you are doing is for his own good. I can understand him hating it, who wouldn't but you need to sort things out and make sure he is well enough to leave the hospital?

    A big hug to you Sue.

    Marie x

  • Thanks Marie

    I take all what is said with a pinch of salt and turn away he doesn't like it for 10 mins then he wants to know what's up with me lol

    Sue xxxx

  • Amanda that is the worst thing the empathy, everything just goes over there head. Our son had a massive accident, someone forced him of the road, his car spun three time in and out of the ditch, all his stuff from the car, all over the road, he had to climb out the window, car is a right off, was he upset, no he wasn't.

    Just ignore it, he seems happy enough in the nursing home, well looked after, you mum needs to get well, and you need your rest as well, you have both done your best.

    Sending you a big hug . Yvonne xxxxx

  • Bloody he'll Yvonne is your son ok??!!

    I actually do totally agree with you, I think he is just pulling at my heart strings! I don't mean that horribly, I appreciate it must be absolute shit not being at home but I'll say it again it is what it is x

  • It could try a Saint!

    Thanks for updating. You are often in our thoughts.

    Hey, do you think when my turn comes I will get Pink Floyd, Yes, Queen, Doors and the Eagles? I bet it will be Beech Boys, the Monkeys and on a better day the Beatles... Ugh!




  • Ha ha Kevin!

    How are you and Liz doing now? X

  • Hi

    Its been a good day.

    We cut Lizzie's Clonazepam right down last night. She has had quite step down and that on top made her very drowsy all day.

    The carers reckon that the present care regime is still doable. That is the transfers and showers. I am having great difficulty doing the transfers alone now. There are split seconds I need to take my hands off her and then there is a risk of a fall.

    But Hey Ho... Its been sunshine and talk of the garden glowers to come and Liz spent a while listening to posts and talking about other here.

    Oh, and some hugs and smiles too. Also she cracked some wicked dark jokes... Where on earth did they come from? Made me chuckle.

    Hugs to you... Hows Mum? P.M me?


  • Ah good Kevin

    Re the transfers alone, whoa stop!! Too dangerous for both of you!!!!! X

  • Yup... watching it closely... when they go we are onto hoists and no showers.

    That time is coming soon.

    You are right.


  • Music sounds great. In Steve's respite home, it was loads of sing alongs, all to first world stuff! But then the active clientele were all in their 90's!

    Understand your problem. Our mother is in a home because of Alzheimer's, my sister is getting extremely good at looking Mum in the eye and lying through her teeth. I am most impressed, our mother was not one to stand up too! Amanda, I am afraid you just have to take it on the chin. Somethings are too big to be able to cope with, this is one of them.

    Sending big hug and much love

    Lots of love


  • Thanks Anne agreed x

  • Er is your dad's name right? Next time Er asks when he gets to go home, tell him when he gets better.....why and from where is he getting food at 3 am? that is one ok kitchen if you ask me....

    I know it's hard but right now you need to stay focused on your mum. Knowing that dad is ok accelerates or at least gives the proper length of time to heal.

    Don't worry about dad....My observations on this site and my own prove that the PSP patient does not do well when their carer is less than 100%...they will star t going down hill...

    You are doing the best job you can; your dad and mum are getting the best dare they can.....

    God Bless you

    Ps I just read your post from 4 days ago and only read Ec's answer but I think she speaks from one who knows that it does indeed take time to settle in..... this is not something you are doing out of convenience; you are doing this out of medical necessity. If you didn't love your mum and dad and want to do the best for them, well, you wouldn't be on this site.....and believe me (all of us), you are doing the best for your mum and dad......

    (((Love and hugs)))

  • Thx you for your kind words x

  • I would have hoped in to see him yesterday but have lost my voice. My mum still asks when she is going home after 16 months. It's hard but i know they are well looked after and safe. Xx

  • Aww bless you Vron! I hope it returns quickly! Encouraging to know your mum asks that still although obviously so so sad!! X

    Ps hopefully we will get to meet too in the not to distant future x

  • Amanda you don't answer that question about him staying there for the rest of his days! You quickly change the subject or say you are having something done at home. He won't understand why he has to stay there bless him!

    I made the big mistake of telling Garry that I was trying to get CHC funding in place so he could come home. He asked me all the time about it. It was true, but I could never have managed anymore. I think he thought I was letting him down. It's very hard Amanda but it sounds like he is well looked after? Plus you can visit him as his daughter now? I hope your Mum will be alright very soon. Not that she can look after him. She will only end up ill again.

    I hope some of the pressure has lifted off your shoulders? You probably have a different kind of pressure now going to visit your Dad and also taking care of your Mum?

    Take care of yourself Amanda, that's an order!

    Marie x

  • Aww thx Marie! Yes, I definitely feel less stressed now!! I'm definitely not gonna be the one to tell Dad it's permanent and will just keep swerving the subject!

    How are you? X

  • Hi Amanda, it's hard when they ask that question. When my mother in law asked when she was getting home, she was told "not today mum, we don't have the car, we came on the bus." She had dementia so didn't know she was getting the same answer each time, thankfully.

    Hope your dad gets some of his favourite music played for him and that your dear mum is improving each day.

    Hope you too are getting plenty of rest as visiting the home can be tiring and stressful at times.

    Nanny857xx ❤❤

  • Thx nanny

    Sending big hugs x

  • Big hugs back to you, you deserve them and more. xx

  • Oh no grampy is so funny😂❤❤

  • Hi is this you Amanda, not sure as I don't write things on here too often, but what a great site, learned a lot ( unfortunately not good a lot of the time). May get to meet with you next time I'm here. How is mum coming along? Hope you are coping ok, with both parents sick. Can't be easy.

    Mary x

  • Hi Mary

    Yes it is I Amanda lol

    How are you and your dear husband?

    My dad is now in the nursing home and actually setting in well now!! My mum is making a good but slow recovery!

    I'd love to meet up when your over, Sally can let me know when. I hope Sally's fundraising event is a success! Unfortunately because I have so much on I won't be able to make it but will make a donation when we meet up, after all, it's raising money for Psp!

    Much love x

  • Just got off the plane. On the bus to get home. It's hard work. Mick is very stiff now, so its getting very hard. Thats good ur dad is settling now. And ur mum recovering.. yes pg we will meet next time.


  • Mary darling please don't wear yourself out!!

    Lots of love be to you both and hope we can catch up over a glass of wine soon x

  • I know.still not home at least 1hr. .

  • Bless you, safe journey x

  • Thanks Amanda. X

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