Update on Mum, Dad and me

Dear All

I've received some messages asking how we all are, thank you

Dad sadly will be going into a nursing home tomorrow (recommend by dear Vron whose parents are both there) Dad is understandably distraught! I've made it crystal clear to the manager of the nursing home my Dad must be cared for with love and compassion and if this doesn't happen they know I'll be on the warpath from hell!!

Mum isn't doing great, the hospital are stretched to the limit and so the care leaves somewhat to be desired! I shall be kicking arse tomorrow! We are still awaiting bowel movement and the sickness hasn't quite ceased! Mum is very unwell and i can only pray she'll make a full recovery!

Me well I'm knackered and definitely at breaking point but soldier on I shall

Much love to you all

Amanda x

63 Replies

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  • Dear Amanda,

    I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time, I'm sending you love and big hugs, you're such a strong person and have such a lot to deal with at the moment, my heart goes out to you all....

    Pat xx

  • Bless you thank you darling ❀ x

  • Well done, Amanda, getting your father's care arranged on such short notice with all you have going on with him and your mother. I'm really impressed. Of course your father is upset. That is a frightful upheaval, but given time he will adjust. It is obviously for the best right now.

    You are such a warrior, Amanda. I hope you can catch your breath now. Best wishes for your mother's speedy recovery.

    Peace, Ec

  • Thx you EC! I'm bracing myself for the coming days and praying everything works out well x

  • Massive hugs to you and your parents.

    Sorry that your Mum is still so very poorly and worry of stretched hospital care to add on top.

    To get your Dad a place so quickly and somewhere that is recommend, whilst is going to be such a massive change for you all, you aren't going to somewhere you have no clue about. A small blessing... Maybe maybe not.

    You have done your very best and that is all you can ask for. They both know you are there in their corners fighting for them and got their backs.

    Try to get some rest in the coming days and time out for you.

    Xxx

  • Thx you Spiral your words are spot on! X

  • i agree e with what u say

    lol jill

    #xxxx

  • Well Satt - You fought a major war on this - Well B****dy done!

    Your Dad will survive the care. You have more time to rest and focus on your Mum.

    They will be proud of you.

    Hugs

    Kevin

    xx

  • Thx k

    I don't think my Dad is proud of me! Right now I think he probably hates me! Oh god what am I doing???!!!!! X

  • I understand how you feel, but we all do the best we can. I am sure your Dad will settle but at the moment your poor Mum needs your attention. Hopefull your Dad will make fiends and get into a routine. My heart goes out to you when we have to make these awful decisions it breaks our heart. Please try and take care of yourself. Big hugs xxx

  • Thx Putland x

  • If I see you coming, I'll get out of the way - Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. But sometimes it just has to be that way, right? Pace yourself though, get enough sleep (yes, easy to say) because it's all so draining (emotionally too). Healing wishes to your mum xx

  • Bless you thx you Lieve x

  • Amanda glad your got your dad somewhere good, sorry to hear your mum is still poorly , takes time, she will need plenty of rest when she comes home, you also need to sleep and look after yourself. Big hug really impressed. Yvonne xxxxx

  • Thx Yvonne

    I'm not impressed with myself

    I'm sending my darling Dad away and I can't tell you how much it hurts!! X

  • I just spoke with my Mum (in Belgium - I'm in the US) - she has to have a knee operation so my dad has to go into a respite home for however long it takes (at least a week) - he hates it, can hardly speak or express himself any other way, he's so comfortable at home where he knows his way round and has everything he needs - but there is no other way. I will try and speak with him beforehand, he knows it's for the best, but still... I wish I could be there and look after him, but I was there for two years - now time again for my family here. So, I know a little bit of how you feel - just the idea of my dad surrounded by strangers who won't know anything about him, how to help him, brings tears in my eyes. But it's also their job to look after people, so I'm counting on them to figure it out! And I'm sure you will too!!

  • Thx lieve im very sorry to hear about your dear parents! And it must be oh so worrying for you! I get you totally! Here's hoping for a positive outcome all round ❀ x

  • Amanda you are doing it for his own good, your mum needs you, he will be back home when your mum is better. Big hug Yvonne xxxx

  • Bless you Yvonne, it's 6 weeks respite with a view to permanent! I doubt very much Dad will be coming back home as my Mum won't be able to cope and unfortunately neither will I. πŸ˜“ X

  • Big hugs Amanda xxxx

  • Right back at ya Yvonne ❀ x

  • Amanda I hope everything goes well for your mum, and your dad get really good care in the care home. One thing I would like to say to you Amanda I hope you can get a life for yourself, you deserve to be happy, and find someone to love you and look after you beautiful lady, you have done more than a lot of children would do for there patents, I take my hat off to you beautiful lady and a fabulous daughter, your parents must be very proud. It is your turn know xxxxx Yvonne xxxxx

  • Hi Amanda, congratulations on getting your dad into a Home that has been recommended. I know it is not really what you want for him, but circumstances have dictated this, not you.

    Your mum has been through major surgery so it will take time for her to what I pray will be a full recovery.

    As for you dearest, much needed rest is the order of the day. Give yourself plenty of time as you have been under so much pressure and stress, so please be good to yourself.

    Sending you, your mum and dad all my love and best wishes. Nanny857xxx

  • Thx you Nanny! I'm literally broken and this is to much information but I feel diarrhoea coming on! I'm literally beside myself with worry x

  • What you are feeling is perfectly normal, right down to the diarrhoea!!! Well Done from me too. You have done an amazing job, your Dad being in that home has not got to be permanent, only until your Mum is fully recovered, which I hope is pretty soon.

    Now is time to you to put your fantastic caring skills to look after yourself. Just because you won't be doing any physical caring, doesn't mean you won't be tired. Going to and fro the hospital and nursing home, will have any normal person on their knees, but you are already there. I am still recovering from caring from Steve, three months on. So please take care of yourself and drive very carefully.

    Sending big hug and much love

    Lots of love

    Anne

  • Thx Anne

    This is with a view to permanent care for Dad πŸ˜“ But I'm afraid it is what it is! It's all too much and we won't be able to cope with Dad back here, in my heart I know that! My Mum wouldn't make the recovery she needs if Dad was here! I've had a few hours sleep, so a new day begins....much love to you darling x

  • Hi Amanda, that's sad, but as you say, it is what it is! We can only do our best for our loved ones, PSP takes everything away from us all. I had made the decision that Steve would have had to go into a home permanently,after Christmas. Thankfully, for everyone's sake, he died before that. I knew that I was at the end, probably because Steve did need 24/7 nursing by then, which at home, was impossible.

    In your case, you have reached that stage, plus you now have your Mum to take care of. Some things just don't have the right outcome.

    You and your Mum have done over and beyond, what was needed to care for your Dad, please feel very proud of yourselves, that you managed as well as you did and for as long. Looking back at my life over the last six years and especially the last one, it's absolutely amazing how I coped and managed. I know I had at least three meltdowns each day, but I got through. Then I think of everyone still coping with the horrors of PSP, I now understand what people were saying to me, when they said I was doing a good job. We only see the failures, NEVER the successes, which is 99.9999999999% of the time.

    Only recently an old friend of Steve's stopped me in the supermarket, to tell me what a wonderful job I did in caring for him, I just thought, "but he still died". Steve was going to die anyway, from PSP or some other reason.

    I didn't fail Steve, nor have you failed your Dad!!!

    Take care Amanda.

    Lots of love

    Anne

  • Wow Anne your words are always so bloody wise! Thank you! I haven't thought about the successes at all! I seriously appreciate your input with me as I do with everyone on here! Without all of you I definitely wouldn't cope!! ❀ x

  • I'm afraid it's just hindsight and things I learnt the hard way. Of course I was helped by the previous wise ones, passing on their mistakes. One day, somebody might sail through this journey without making any!

    πŸ›¬πŸ·πŸ·πŸ·πŸ·πŸ·πŸ·πŸ·πŸ·πŸ·πŸ·πŸ·πŸ·πŸ›¬

    Lots of love

    Anne

  • Anne I love you so down to earth what a lovely lady xxxx

  • Thank you.

    How's George now? Got rid of his infection I hope.

    Lots of love

    Anne

  • Anne I feel like I am in a black hole with the bloody PSP. He is ok see my last post xxxx

  • Maybe....x

  • Its so important to be able to accept the inevitable, Amanda !!!

    You and your mum have been real heroes.

    Lots of love, Jean x

  • Bless you Jean! Thx you! You are completely right about accepting the inevitable!! X

  • i agree nanny 857 sand all

    lol jill

    xxxxx

  • Poor Amanda. Its so hard knowing you have done well in a nightmare but no-one is where they really want to be.

    Take a breath and pat yourself on the back for having done your best.

    Make sure you rest and stay calm.

    I'm sure your dad will feel better when he feels so cared for in the home.

    I hope your mum improves quickly. You can now focus more on her.

    Big hug for you, Amanda.

    Lots of love, Jean xx

  • Thx Jean πŸ˜“ X

  • So glad you liked it. If you tell me his room number I'll pop in and say hello. If you would like that. Xx

  • Aww bless you darling

    He'd love that

    His name is aslam

    I'll let u know asap ❀ x

  • πŸ˜€

  • Oh Amanda I'm sending all the love I can.

    Hugs Tillyhugs πŸ€—πŸ€—

  • Thx you x

  • Hugs and thoughts with you and your mum and dad xx hopefully you'll get some positive news about your mum soon and your dad will settle well, he may well flourish with the extra time the home can provide and with visits from non exhausted and stressed out family members. Big love xx

  • Let's hope your right about Dad Kelly! Mum was making good progress yesterday with bowels movement and finally some steps! πŸ™ X

  • That's great to hear some positive news about your mum. Hopefully she'll keep progressing well and be back home soon. And I do hope your dad settles in as best as can be. My new job is working with over 60s leaving hospital and going into care homes so I've been to many different ones and seen the positive impact good care has had on some patients. Best wishes x πŸ’•

  • Aww that's encouraging thanks Kelly x

  • Satt2015 Well done hope all goes well with your dad today, and I hope your mum will show some improvement soon , its early days, it takes longer as you get older. Have a nice cup of tea, or something else if you prefer. Mine would be a cream cake.... xxx.Brenda

  • Bless you Brenda thx you x

  • Hi Amanda - haven't posted for ages but my oh my you poor thing :-(. I am so praying that the home will look after your dear Dad properly & that him being there will give you a little bit of respite. Wishing your mum a quick recovery too & hoping that she's comfortable soon. And sending you huge hugs & wishing you strength & peace & lots of love xxxx

  • Bless you Suze thank you, how are you?? X

  • We're ok thanks - mums just finished her 12 week day care at hospice which was fab. I've not found 2 X private carers so Dad is getting help for a few hours twice a week. He's struggling still with the whole situation - but doing well. & poor mum is the same really - not seen any huge deterioration over the last few months....so we plod on with our lives under the sinister shadow of PSP! X

  • Remind me have you started the chc process? X

  • Not yet...too early? She can't do anything for herself anymore I guess

  • Start it!! It's never to soon!! X

  • Impossible trying to juggle too many balls and something has to give. Well done for getting your dad sorted so that your mum will have time to recover. Life can be so tough sometimes, looking after one dependent is hard enough but two nigh on impossible. Sending my love and support

    Kate xx

  • Thx Kate, definitely impossible x

  • Hi Amanda

    I just wanted to say you are amazing! You found the time and energy to post when your Mum went into hospital and recommended 7 day hospice care for your Dad. This gave you time to find a nursing home place for your Dad. Now you are getting your Dad settled and able to sort your Mum out too. I am in a very vulnerable situation just like you were. My Mum has CBD and my Dad is her main carer. He insists on doing it and won't let carers in but he has his own health issues. I've been so worried about what I'd do if my Dad is admitted to hospital. Its happened to you and you have helped me enormously as I would follow your advice...thank you! Thinking of you Amanda let us know how things are going xx

  • Bless you Martina! I've just done a quick update! Please try and get your dad to get help! We are NOT superhuman x

  • Amanda !!! I thought you were !!

    x

  • Hey Amanda, I'm just now reading this. I do hope everyone is doing well; dad in hospital mum out of hospital; and you keeping hospitals in line ;)

    (HUGS)

    AVB

  • Thx AVB

    I've just posted an update x

  • ((DEAR LORD, PLEASE BRING HEALING AND COMFORT AND SECURITY TO AMANDAS FAMILY AS THEY DEAL WITH THE CHANGES IN THEIR LIFE ))

    AMEN

    AVB

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