I feel soooooo guilty!!

This morning our lovely carers were here washing and changing Dad as per normal but one of them was chatting away to the other one which really wound me up! Probably cos in my mind, I think, chat to Dad (although they wouldn't get much back) but being fiercely protective I don't want them or anyone else talking 'over' Dad!

So I went ever so slightly mad and told the one carer (in front of dad) to stop gabbling on as I don't appreciate it!

Anyway when they came back at lunchtime this particular carer was in floods of tears!! Oh god, I can't tell you how bad I felt!! I apologised loads and hugged her and said how we couldn't manage without them and then offered them both a roast dinner later in the day as way of an apology, they accepted and were very grateful!

Honestly I don't think these poor darling carers have much in life and work bloody hard for crap money and I feel really horrible. I knocked up a rather fantastic roast dinner and bought them both a new mug each but I still think, shit, why didn't you keep your mouth shut Amanda?!

I will in future exercise more caution. It's so difficult we are in such a stressful situation and I shouldn't really have said what I did how I did!

🍷 time x

56 Replies

  • Don't worry tell them you are suffering from (psp by proxy ).its the latest fashion.love from brenda.x

  • Aww good plan thx Brenda!! X

  • Amanda ! Forgive yourself. Life is hard for lots of people but you can't rectify it !

    Big hug from Jean x

  • Thanks Jean

    How are you? X

  • At this moment in a pleasant haze, watching telly whilst Chris dozes.

    Cheers ! Love, Jean x

  • You sure that's not the gin? 😂 X

  • mmmmm xx

  • OUCH...I don't care what it is , if you regret what you say, you regret what you say.....You may have been justified but there you are with your words in your hand trying to shove em back in and they just seem to get larger the longer they are out

    DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT! You asked for forgiveness and if the girls are worth their salt they will use this as a learning moment to be a little more sensitive to the patients and their carers needs.....In the end you will all be a little wiser than you were before the incident.....



  • Wiser definitely AVB on both sides!! X

  • Btw how's B? How are you bearing up? X

  • You know it kind of makes me sick to my stomach to see B like this . I see him and I think how much better he has gotten and yet .....I also see him even using the PSP standard of health and I see him way diminished....I would not be surprised if he left this world within two months .....But when I am with others I continue to put on that oh look how wonderfully he s doing....and I do mean it.....I'm sort of in a fog expecting both outcomes ....I was really ready for him to leave ...fully expecting it especially after what the drs were saying....then I brought him home and he did make a great recovery but theres a lot that has left him and I don't know that he'll be able to recover it....I am so blabbing on ....sorry....How am I bearing up? uhm ok....Thank you for asking...how bout yourself?


  • Bless you AVB it's just so horrible isn't it?! I hate Psp!!! X

  • Thanks..and sorry again for blabbing, I think I was really tired...we can let a depression wrap around us pretty quickly....Did you do the International scream the other day? I did. just out my back door, but it was cathartic....


  • I live in the limbo as well. Some days I wonder and then he's strong and going on. So hard and so sad.

  • Amanda that sort of thing used to wind me up too, you're right we get fiercely overprotective, it's normal and only shows that you care too much!

    Hugs Pat....xx

  • Thanks Pat

    How is everything? X

  • Not great Amanda, everything seems surreal at the moment and huge waves of sadness keep coming over me all the time, it's so so hard xx

  • Bless you Pat! You must be feeling very lost!!

    I do wish we ALL lived very close,like in a little village, we could all support each other so much!!! X

  • Dear Amanda, carers talking over a patient, is one of the big no-nos. You are right, they should have been chatting with your Dad, telling HIM what ever story was so interesting, including HIM in the gossip.

    How you handled it.... Well, if the staff are worth the their salt, they should understand. I am sure you feel guilty, but that I am afraid is life. You have apologised, let that be the end of it. Hopefully, next time they include your Dad in their conversations.

    Enjoy the wine!

    Lots of love


  • Aww thanks Heady! How are you darling? X

  • Amanda sending you a big hug, you have apologised, we are all stressed , just want the best for them, they should not talk over your dad, they are there to do a job, and the most important thing is your dad, even if he can't communicate, they should still include him. Pap been thinking about you lovely lady, sending you a big hud, also you Ann how are you doing? Xxxx

  • Bless you Yvonne

    Bloody difficult isn't it?

    How are you and George? X

  • We are ok, George is coughing nearly all the time, really don't like it, it frightens me when he passes out, then comes too and just stares into space. Hospital appointments in London hospital on Tuesday one to see PSP doctor the other to see bladder doctor, takes at least 2 hours to get there.

    Our careers are very good, but a bit slap dash, they shower George never think about cleaning shower chair our mopping the floor, so today I asked them to do it, and they have to walk on the grass to get on the ramp, they were just coming in with dirty shoes, have told them to start wearing shoe protectors, my wood work looks like someone has had a screwdriver to it, were they bang into with the wheelchair. Enough moaning love to you all Yvonne xxxx

  • Awe I do hope you and George get on ok on Tuesday? Whereabouts in London is the hospital?

    I agree the carers can be a bit slap dash and it does wind me up too!! We introduced shoe covers about 3 weeks ago as we have wooden floors too and were having to mop daily sometimes twice, but no more! 👏 X

  • We go into queens square near Holborn, bloody marvellous George has come down with a urine infection today, his urine looks like pineapple juice, he is in so much pain, still going to take him to the hospital xxxx. Yes we have got the foot protection things xxxx

  • Oh bloody hell!! That's all you need! How on earth you manage that journey is no ones business?!! X

  • I really don't t mind going, once you get started, fingers crossed there is not loads of traffic xx.

  • Hope you've managed to get something for the urine infection? X

  • We have a spare box of antibiotics in doors all the time, so have started him on them. Feeling so sad for him, it is just not fair, I hate PSP xx.

  • It's utterly unfair, heartbreaking, distressing and simply hateful! Hugs and let's hope those antibiotics kick in quick x

  • The shoe covers should be provided by the care provider. Ask them. X

  • Correct

    I have bought some as spares too x

  • You might well have helped another PSP sufferer by making them realise it can be annoying listening to others when you cannot join in.I know Des hated it and made handsignals to tell them!Px

  • Thx you loppylugs x

  • Morning

    I bang on all the time about nursing standards, OK I'm old school , I have a visit today from the matron at the hospital where Rog was cared for in October when he had septaceamia, one of my many serious complaints to them was attitude of staff. The one nurse was speaking over Rog' s trolley telling the other one how unsafe the ward was! This hospital is the one recently on the national news as two pts died in the corridor and another was found hanging! What I am getting at is you did the right thing both in highlighting it and making up, we are only human, this protectiveness we all show illustrates our love and compassion as a human being to another.

    Wish me luck I am sooo looking forward to our meeting.

    Julie x

  • Thanks Julie

    👍 x

  • How did your meeting go Julie?

    Lots of love


  • Hi

    How are you doing lovely?

    Meeting went very very well. The reason she came was the reply I got from the trust acknowledged all of my serious concerns and apologised profusely, but they still were not getting it! I wanted to see an action plan with time scales in place, there were times she had her head in her hands in horror when I elaborated on the care he did not receive. I have been invited to speak to A/E staff , I accepted readily , friends say why bother nothing will change but if one professional changes their attitude I feel it is worth it.

    Spring is coming, managed to get on my allotment today when carer came in so joy!

    Julie x

  • Go for it Julie!!! The problem is, nobody knows anything about this illness, they openly admit they have never heard of it, yet they think they know how to treat the patient. So everyone is making a pigs ear with our loved ones treatment. If they even bother to try. In our case, that was very rare!

    Lots of love


  • Sounds like you have your mojo back!

  • Yeah, had a good day yesterday. Off Skiing on Saturday, so have lots of positive things to do.

    Lots of love


  • Ooh wow! Lovely jubbly Heady!! Enjoy!! X

  • Thanks Satt, will do!!!

    Lots of love


  • Hi, Julie! We are in the middle of another bad snow and sleet storm. It doesn't feel like spring is coming here! I love to garden, although my ambitions are shrinking every year. What did you get to do on your allotment? I'd love to hear a bit about it. When will you plant? What do you plant? Love, ec

  • Morning!

    Allotments are a peculiar English thing! It is written in statue that local councils have to allocate smal plots to the locals to grow produce, the cost is minimal. I have had mine for over 19years now, it is set within the grounds of Westwood house ,you should be able to google it , a Tudor mansion which is now luxury apts. what I love is that my head empties when I am there, you ask what do I grow,. A bit of exotica, loads of veg for the freezer and I have a large area dedicated to all the soft fruit and another bed where I sow annual flowers for cutting to give away and to put in the house. I am starting to sew seeds in my heated propagator now so much cheaper than ready grown. The crowd down there are great, quite a few girls, we always have flasks of coffee and a natter. I am very lucky as I have blocks of three hours for care and hospice at home give me hours each week enabling me to keep going.

    I would say enjoy the snow !

    Julie X

  • Awww. Amanda I would have done exactly the same !! The caters are doing a great job but she shouldn't have been talking over your dad ! She certainly think twice about doing it again to another loved one ! Don't feel guilty you've both apologised , she'll understand how difficult it all is for you! We become so protective don't we! I'm like that with my mum ... we love them so much and hate what's happening! Take care Amanda

    Love Jude 💕

  • Thanks Jude x

  • Satt, my tongue gets me into trouble too. But, hey you made it up and that says to them you are human too.

    You make them lunch? Do they satay a long time?

    We are about to have a 'sitter' for four hours twice a week. I am thinking I need to do something... not sure what.




  • They do stay often for a while and have their lunch (what they've made) they sit in the front room! I don't mind because it's quite reassuring them being there if needed!

    I made roast dinner yesterday at 5ish

    Yes you do need to do something K! Pub? Walk? Chill out? See friends? X

  • Today I managed to get out to buy cat litter.

    Now this does sound sad. Leaving the house and seeing humans was a little weird, but I came back feeling so much better.

    Country walks will do me just fine though.

    Waiving and hugs


  • Make the most of it Kevin! My mum has gone off going out on respite days because our lovely carer that does the respite is very very quiet, complete opposite of the other one! And dad doesn't like mum going out!! X

  • I sometimes go out and have a leisurely breakfast and do the crossword. Then a walk in the local park. Freedom !!!


  • Tsht... part timer ;)

    I get up early and read the newspaper with a pot of China tea... but don't tell.


  • What is it about that early tea ?

    Small pleasures !!!!


  • Not much to look forward too, but a nice cup of tea xxxx

  • You reached your limit and you acted out, so what!!!

    They probably didn't even realize they were ignoring your dad, they were just doing their job, BUT you pointed it out and I am sure they will not do it again.

    I know the feeling of saying something and wishing you hadn't, been there, done that. However, the actions that follow make the difference.

    I like Branda's reply, PSP by proxy seems like the best answer.

    Keep strong



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