A rant and a question- carer related

Good morning all

Rant - mum n I didn't go to bed til 4am this morning, I came in from work at 1.30am and mum woke up. We discussed the fact that yesterday the carers washed Dads hands and the water was way too bloody hot and this hurt dads hands! When mum discussed this with the carers yesterday one of the carers (a temporary one, thx goodness) he started to argue the point in front of my dad! I wasn't here (lucky for him)!

Unlucky for him this morning and our regular carer I explained that they MUST test the temperature of the water on their bare hands or elbows before using it! I then explained that my Dad is very very frail and ill (you wouldn't think this needed saying would you)?! And that I expect my Dad to be looked after PROPERLY! I also said if a mistake/accident occurs it MUST be written in their notes!! (This went like like a sack of shit)! So I told the temporary carer if you don't like it, you won't be working here, end of!!

Now bugger me, the water they used this morning was cold!! So I've just addressed this in private with them both and said you BOTH need to take more care and think to yourselves how would you like the water? I said I'm not arguing about this because the guy wanted to argue, I said once again you never tested the water, sort it out! Thank you and have a pleasant morning and see you at 12. Reckon they've both walked out screwing, tough shit! My Dad is very precious and I want him treated like gold dust! If you can't do that foxtrot Oscar! (As you can see I'm only ever so slightly annoyed)!!!

Bring back my main fantastic carer tomorrow she's had a very rare 3 days off!!

So now, my question; one of our regular carers seems to have been given an inch and is taking a mile! I.e. We regularly make the carers tea/coffee with biscuits (often more than once a day)! But now this carer regularly heats her food in the microwave and yesterday, came in with a loaf of bread and cheese and said she was gonna make a sandwich in our kitchen?! Now I must point out that I like our 2 regular carers a lot but one of them is starting to piss me right off! I'm not very gentle with words and can be very straight to the point! I want to say to this particular carer that I don't want food heated up etc but I must take into account that she is a good caring carer, but she does have her faults (don't we all)?! And like I say it's all starting to get right on my nerves!! Any suggestions what I say or shall I just keep quiet?! X

18 Replies

  • Hi Satt

    Gosh its a nightmare!

    It is long overdue that carers should have to register with a professional body so that they might be struck off or reprimanded and not able to blithely move on to another employer.

    The food issue. First off I would say to them that you would prefer they ask you and not take the liberty of assuming. Then I would agree with them what is and what is not OK for them to do. Bringing bread and cheese is weirs... maybe they did not have time to make a sandwich!

    The water thing is very concerning. Errors / mistakes especially ones involving harm must be written down on the care log by the carer. They know that and as you know they refer to them as incidents. They are also obliged to inform their employer. If there is another and they do not record it I would record it myself and inform the employer that it was not recorded as well.

    BTW - Scalding is very serious indeed and it is classed as neglect on the part of the carer. There is, as you know, no excuse or argument, your father was scalded - period.

    Its a difficult one with carers because they do have meetings and they do talk between themselves. Watch the one of a good carer suddenly having an unexplained break thing. Agencies know who their good workers are and they tend to move them on to problem solve. So you might be told it is a break, but they might be hoping you will accept it a more permanent change. This sometimes happens.

    Agencies and carers are difficult. It used to drive me up the wall.

    Good luck!



    PS - Hope you get some sleep.

  • Firstly thank you Kevin for your (as always) wise words!

    I think the heating up food/making a sandwich I'm gonna live with, but tomorrow I shall be conducting a short meeting with both carers (one of whom I simply adore) and re explain about Psp and my Dad and his needs!

    I will be going through the whole caring process from start to finish on each visit, ensuring I remind them how usually fabulous they are but the need for a refresher so as things don't spiral out of control (which is where they will go if I don't speak up now) !!

    I will explain (thanks to you) about them recording incidents and reiterate that mum n I record everything in an A4 pad daily on food, sleep, medications, bowel movements etc etc

    All I want is this and it's quite simple (in my mind) excellent care at all times on every visit! In return mum and I always make them welcome and will even be having Xmas drinks with them and nibbles on Xmas eve! We have already given them Xmas gifts and bless them they have bought us gifts! I want them to know (be reminded) that they are very much appreciated but I will NOT tolerate poor care in any shape or form and will also explain that I do not wish to have this conversation again!

    Thank you again Kevin, you are a star! X

  • Hope you fitted some sleep in!

    (Looking at you suspiciously ;)

    Its a struggle isn't it.


  • Lol!! Yes I managed 3 whole hours!!

    A struggle?! Yeah you could it that Kevin! Or perhaps a living nightmare!

    How's things your end? X

  • Its been so much better the last couple of days. Though at times I see a certain look in her eye and she starts up again... She did that last night and again at 5.00 in the morning.... I'm getting better, for now and stopping it.

    And, Hey... three hours? You getting lazy and spoiled?

    Hugs to ya'


  • Awe bless Liz and bless you to Kevin! X

  • And bless you, your Mum and your Dad.

    All warriors and so much love between you its awesome. X

  • Aww thx u Kevin! Hugs x

  • Hi Amanda, I suppose the food issue depends on how long they are there for. If it's a quick in and out job, then no way. A four hour sit, then, yes they have to eat. One point on their behalf, not all houses are fit to eat in. I know several times, when I offer a drink, they say no, because they don't want to have to have a bathroom break on the next call!

    As to the water incident, like Kevin says, write it in their notes. Definitely report it, if it happens again.

    Lots of love


  • Yeah after reading the replies Heady, I've decided I'll go with them using the kitchen because I gotta be honest I don't wanna lose these carers, particularly one of them!

    The water incident yes absolutely no more nonsense all 'incidents' WILL be recorded by them!

    I'm now thinking of switching my camera back on so as I can record everything when I'm out of the room x

  • Totally agree with the camera, we have it on and make sure they are aware of it.

  • Thank you I'm pleased I'm not the only one who has a camera x

  • I agree with everything Kevin has said. With reference to food and using the microwave. The fact that they are looking after your father or our loved ones then you have to be a little flexible (only for the good carers). If they do their job well then let them use the microwave. It is so hard to first find someone decent and then they must be able to make a connection with the patient and family. A good carer will appreciate you more and Inturn provide better care.

    The scolding water issue is simply not acceptable. I would have totally lost it, I did recently when I saw one of the carers laughing at my mother. I nearly threw her out the house, she definitely won't be back !!

    Opening your home to total strangers coming in and out is very hard to deal with. The way we look at it is that if mum is happy then we're happy, we'll bend over backwards for the right carer.

  • Yes I get you, a good carer is hard to find and needs to be looked after! I can't really imagine they go to any other house near us where they are treated any better because I do believe in treating others how you'd like to be treated! X

  • Absolutely, it is such a difficult balance. You appreciate them but some can take kindness too far. The carers need to remember it is your home.

  • Subs are the worst enough said on that! To your permanent carer, Tell her that your MOTHER does not like her kitchen used by anyone other than herself....."it took a long time for me to get to use it" That way you have diverted the guilt thing and the carer will hopefully stop using the kitchen....If that doesn't work, go into the kitchen with her and stare at her while she is using your utensils and ovens.....If it makes her feel uncomfortable, maybe she will stop hahahaha or just get over it .....verbally give her permission to use the microwave and utensils.....infact buy her some of her own utensils hahhah husbands calling....i'll be the only one bathing and feeding him....


  • I have always treated my mother in laws careres like they were family. They come to all family events and holidays, one because we need them to tend to her and 2 because we want to make them feel like they are part of the family.

    What is distressing to me is that they went from hot scalding water to cold, that was done in spite and should be addressed with their agency, or them personally in a nice way.

    I think your problem is that they realize that they are needed and initially you were so greatful to have someone help that you opened your home to them. Now to fix the situation is going to be difficult, you have to weigh out the situation and figure our how upsetting it is to you that they use your kitchen and have regular tea breaks. If the care they give your dad is worth the inconvenience that you have to take the bad with the good.

    By the sound of it they really care about your dad, buying gifts for you all is nice, and the fact that you are having a little chirstmas cheer with them is thoughful on your part.

    What I would do in the future is let any new carers know what your dad has and what your expectations are regarding his care and what they have access to in your home. When we put my mother in law in her home, the director insisted that if we had any concerns to nip them in the bud immediately and not wait until they become serious problems. I suggest you do that, so little things don't become big things.

  • Wise words based on experience !!! I will remember them. At present we have one carer, once a week, who I engaged privately.

    What you say is exactly what we should all do but rarely do, until it has gone wrong.

    Jean x

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