Embarrassing question really about comvenes

Hi all

Dn's just been n done pad change

Discussion again on comvenes

Mums tried them before on dad, no intervention from me at the time, because at that stage I wasn't 'in' on the conversation

Since then I've done all personal care with dad and by that I mean all!!

Tonight again dn's discussed convenes with me (mum upstairs, dad asleep)

I said look I have certain limitations and (it's) very inverted, hope your following? Aaaargh

So are we expected to fit it, no was the answer, they'd fit it every night n I suppose me/mum/the carers would remove in the morning

Remember dads doubly incontient so a nappy type contraption would still be required

I said I'll speak to the continence nurses tomorrow

I suppose my point is I don't really wanna fit it?!

Will a convene save dad getting soaking wet every night? T.shirt, pillows, bedding?!

He doesn't want a catheter!!

Aaaaargh help!!


38 Replies

  • Yes it will save him getting wet , completely. I can understand you don't want to fit it but could your mum, it is so easy to do and well worth the save in washing sheets etc. My husband has used one now for 4 months and only had 3 occasions where for some reason it leaked. As for removing it I expect the carers will but I detach the bag and my husband is able to remove his and drop it in the bin I hold out for him. I have heard some can't get on with the convene but our experience has been a real plus. All the best. X

  • Thanks gypsywoman

    My dad wouldn't be to take it off, he doesn't have that much movement

    You've given me hope though so thank you! X

  • Of course it's embarrassing. Another one of the humiliations life visits upon us all who manage to live to old age, or are caring for our loved ones who do. (Terrifying... We are up next!) The father-daughter dynamic is especially difficult. I do understand. My Guy's frequently retracted penis (very shy when medical equipment appeared) made the convene impossible for us, but how I wish it had been workable! Do what you can and don't fret if you can't do everything, but remember this is all very temporary. Love and hugs, ec

  • Awe thank you Easterncedar x

  • I have the problem of severely retracted penis; how does you guy manage with a sheath?

  • Same problem, so we couldn't use the conveen, or sheath, at all. I tried a cup-type arrangement that is held in place by a snug regular-looking brief with a leg bag. That was fine during the day, as long as my guy was able to be mindful of it, but didn't work at night, as it required some degree of awareness to maintain a posture so the cup would be kept in place and the hose not detached. You might have luck with that.

  • I am not bothered about waking up every hour for a wee as have no trouble getting back to sleep. I will talk to my DN about Afex.

    Thank you for responding

  • The Afex external catheter system is what we tried. It isn't secure enough to be used by an unaware patient, but suggest you might find it worth a look. Good luck. This incontinence business is a problem for all of us - you are not alone!

  • Satt it will save your dad being soaking wet all the time. The carers will put in on for your dad and they will remove it. They can be worn for 24 hours at a time. Brian has got a catheter and all we have to do is wash his bottom and change soiled pad. It is a godsend having a catheter. I have gone from 2/3 loads of washing a day to 2/3 a week.

    Why are you doing personal care on your dad when you have carers coming in four times a day And the DN during the night... if i had that amount of care for my Brian the only thing i would be doing is washing his face after meals.


  • Lol

    Thank you Jane!

    Because dad is often soaking between visits or has opened his bowels X

  • Well all i can say is try for the convien or even a indwelling catheter it will save your dad being pulled and pushed about so much. Less pain and discomfort for him. Less work for you. Janexx

  • True thx Jane x

  • Yah , Jane why is a convene being used at this point? It seems like a catheter would be more in the conversation....I made my own "convene" not portable but it certainly kep[t the pee directed in the toilet! anyway the dr didn't even discuss this, I suppose because B's brain is not allowing him to relax his prostate and thus he is not able to void....convene [pretty useless for us...


  • Brian has got an indwelling catheter and its the best thing that has happened. We tried conviens early on but he was far too restless to be able to benifit from them. Janexx

  • Yes maybe...(here goes embarassement out the window) B just pooped and seem to do fine with the attachment there.

    When one goes out, If one ever goes out, where do you put the catheter bag....He wears shorts so.....?

  • 😂 sorry don't know the answer but smiling x

  • I have got a sleeve for Brian and the day bag sits in that on his leg. Think our one is called an aqua sleeve. I am sure in usa they will do all sorts of devices to hold/hide his bag.

    The main concern is if he is incontinent and gets poo on the tube near the penis. But if you read all the paperwork on catheters they even tell the men how they can still have sex with a catheter in. If he has been having trouble with not being able to go you might find he will now be better. Janexx

  • Happily, with the entaeral nourishment, his bowels are good! but yes some sort of European Carry All (Jerry Seinfeld's 'man purse') for the bag...hahahaha

    I could maybe even make something like that from $2.00 of remnant material...make that 10 .00 ...i'm not so good a sewer ..Probably just buy one for 8 bucks


  • Satt, please feel free to ask any type of questions here - there is nothing embarrassing about trying to help one's father

    We used pull-on adult diapers - our doc recommended against catheters since they can cause UTI (urinary tract infection) - but they used to leak often, sometimes once a day or every other day - plus, as the patient loses weight, you need to size down so you need to be aware of that

    I am not aware of convenes so I think your urologist can best comment on the best option

  • Thx sammy

    I did feel rather embarrassed asking this but I had too X

  • No embarrassment.....we have all or going to be where youre at!

  • Hi, I agree with what the others have said. My husband has had convenes for a long time now. Sometimes there are "accidents" but they have been a Godsend for us and C never lies in his own urine. I can fully understand you not wanting to put it on. I did personal care for my dad. A wash is different from fiddling with convenes but as others have said, if you have carers you shouldn't need to do it and if your mum is shown, if there was a mishap, could she replace it? When in bed, I don't put pads on my husband now. I leave his bottom half naked, covered all the time with a sheet but with incontinence sheets and when on his side, the position he his in when he usually "performs" a lot of what he produces is caught on the pad, not squashed between the pad and him.

    I'd let them give convenes a try. You have nothing to lose, your dad will soon get used to them and he won't have to lie in wet bed clothes.

    Embarrasing question? I don't think I can be embarrassed any more after the things my husband and I have gone through/done since PSP.


  • Thx NannaB

    As always a very helpful n sensitive reply x

  • Hi Satt, my husband tried the convene, he just didn't like it from the start, tried it for one night, he pulled it off and just refused, after months of trying to cope with the accidents and washing, a nurse suggested the catheter which he now has fitted, it took a few weeks to get used to but he admits he would rather have it than be in the embarrassing position he was in . I wish he could have got on better with the convine as He has only had it 5 weeks and already had UTI. hope your dad can deal with a convene, a safer option.

    all the best X

  • Thx nana

    Dad tried convenes a long time ago without success but after reading all the replies I think it's gotta be worth another go x

  • I do hope the uti get sorted out quickly nanna x

  • Thank you x

  • Hi Satt, I agree with all the others, a convene or Catether, are life savers! Of course neither are without their own little problems, but that's life, isn't it!

    I totally understand it's not a job for you, but I can't understand with all your Carers, they can't see to it. With your Mum being trained, in case of mishap when they aren't around.

    Since S had a Catether fitted, life is sooo much better. That was in March, we have had two UTI's, but I think he started with an infection and they never really got rid of it, until his last hospital visit. Certainly, his urine has not got the strange aroma anymore, that he had for a very long time.

    Satt, you say you are doing all your Dads care, I expect you would take this in your stride as well. But we all have our no go areas, I can't go anywhere near S's teeth, can do everything else, but stand there while he cleans his teeth, NO WAY!!! That is definitely a Carer job, or it doesn't get done!

    I would certainly talk to the nurses about it, nothing to lose, except a few red faces and I guessing, you are old enough to cope with that!!!

    Lots of love


  • Lol

    Good reply heady thank you!

    Lol can't believe you don't do teeth?! Now that wouldn't bother me!


  • Heady teeth for me is no problems........... FEET are a no go for me.. when it was foot day at one home i worked in i used to volunteer for toilet duty rather then take them in to the chiropodist. The other girls loved doing it because it was easy work for them. Give me poo or teeth over feet any day. Janexx

  • I wonder what other strange NO GO areas are for others? Give me S's feet to care for, any day of the week, even with his deformed toes, due to bunions and grotty toe nails. They would be perfect, if I didn't have any thing else to do!!!

    Lots of love


  • Well I've just cleared up masses of diarrhoea

    Beautiful not!! On the other hand we do actually welcome the pooh!! 😉

  • Shame they can't devise a contraption, like a convene, for the bowels. Apart from the invasive colostomy bag! Perhaps that's what you could do in your spare time, design one!!!! Think of the money you could make and the endless tears all around the world saved!

    Lots of love


  • Lol

    Fabadooka idea but I don't think I have the brain power for that!! X

  • One gets very creative when being a caregiver

  • Love it! Can't stop laughing Jane!! X

  • hahahah the things we can stand ......and cant't

  • My wife is diabetic and I love doing her feet. Can't be a fetish as I would not touch anyone elses.

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