My heart hurts. It is with so much sadness that I share with all of my PSP friends this news. My guy Les Hodgson passed away in his sleep on Monday morning. We left on Sunday to Austin, Texas because Les had a round of doctors appointments at Baylor Scott & White Medical Center in Temple, Texas. We had a beautiful Sunday leaving our home early in the morning. Will driving we watched the sunrise and Les talked with me the whole way never even taking a nap. He read street signs, studied a map and listened to Dean Martin. We stopped in a small town for lunch with our kids and then went on to my sisters home in Austin for dinner. He was comfortable and spent most of the afternoon watching the Olympics. We checked into our hotel and I helped Les get ready for bed. At about 2am, I asked him if he needed to go to the restroom because he had not been up all night and was dry. He said yes, so I helped him up and walked him to the restroom. He did his thing while I stood next to him and then he washed up and even combed his hair. I teased him about combing his hair at that time of the night and he just gave me a smile and looked right into my eyes in the mirror. We walked back to bed and he asked if I could help him roll over (that was normal) and so I did. He said "thanks Nik" and those were his last words to me. I am a light sleeper and he was lying down right next to me and I never heard Les struggle. It was a peaceful death. I noticed that he was not even breathing about 7am. I am just so grateful that both of our children were with us and our son called 911 while our daughter began CPR. Emergency crew worked on Les for about 40 minutes but he was gone. My guy was only 68. So young and had such a passion for life. He had told me on Sunday to make sure the doctor gave him another round of physical therapy so he could stay strong. He was not ready to give up, but his body was ready. We arrived home (Brownsville TX) late on Tuesday and Les was transported and arrived back to our town about the same time. We have his memorial service scheduled for Saturday.
I know Les was struggling with PSP, but death was not near. He was still independent, but each day became more difficult for him.
I was so blessed to have my KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR in my life for 18 years. He was my rock, my soulmate and my everything. He was an amazing husband and father and these 18 years have been the best years of my life. I am devastated and I am an emotional mess. My heart is so empty.
I love my PSP family on this site and have appreciated all our discussions and words of support.
We were also scheduled on August 19th for an interview with Texas Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas to see if Les was a candidate for the clinical trial CN2--Phase 2. They believed he was a very strong candidate (because he was still independent) and we were looking forward to joining that study.
Please keep our family in your prayers.
XOXO
Nikkie
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psplife
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Oh read you post with such a heavy heart, sending you and your family a big hug, so sorry for your loss, take you time to grieve, we are all here for you. Yvonne xxxx
Thank you Heady. So grateful that my guy is no longer suffering. This disease was awful and we were just in the early stages. His eyes were so sad but he never gave up. My true love.
What a very sad but peaceful way to leave you Nikkie. I regularly pray that my darling will have a similar departure. I'm so sorry for your loss and am pleased you had your family around you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers during the next difficult few weeks.
Sending you a big hug and praying you will know His special peace.
Oh nikkie...I just read this......I want you to know I'm thinking about you....but I cant' talk right now I'll be back...God be with you
AVB
Nikkie you were the first person to speak to me on the forum and I have been looking to see how you and Les were doing, what a dreadful shock for you, so sudden.
My heart goes out to you and your children and you are all in my thoughts at this very sad time, much love, Lesley X
I feel very sad for you. God give you peace . This is what I dread when I go to wake my guy every morning .Yet I do not want him to suffer. This is a lonely road. Strength for the next days. We share your grief.
Thanks Noella 21 for your kind words. I had that dreaded feeling also for some time and that morning it was different. My guy was so silent and still--awful. I am having such a hard time erasing that image from my mind--shocking! I know he is no longer suffering but it is so hard to accept, I still want my guy to be with me.
Thank you Cuttercut and I will keep in touch. I wonder if other PSP patients have died so sudden like my Les did? I guess if I had to add up the years of him being ill it would be about 7 because the shuffling of the feet and the masked face started many many years ago. As I have been preparing for service I have been looking through old photos and I can see the changes in his face and posture. I wonder if the muscles in the heart weaken because the coroners report indicated that his heart was overworking and that his blood pressure was high when it was always normal. Just very strange.
Please keep us in your prayers Cuttercut. Sad days ahead.
I haven't stopped thinking about you. Last night looked in (as I often do) before bed and Charles was laying there and I thought each night could be the last.
Pray we get through this vacation next week without a fall.
Dear dear Nikkie, I am so very sorry you lost your rock but you must have been his rock too, through all of this. And to slip away peacefully, next to you - however horrible and lost you must feel now, it was such a gentle and merciful way to go.
My guy passed just the way he would have wanted to pass--in his sleep with no struggle and right next to me. He always told me how grateful he was to have me in his life--always thanking me. He was all HEART--"puro corazon" and that is why I will forever love him.
Oh, Nikkie. I am very sorry. That must have been a stunning shock to you, so unexpected. But what a peaceful way to go, with you next to him, after a lovely day of traveling and visiting family. It's what we all would wish for - except too soon, too soon. He looks like a wonderful man. Such warm smiling eyes. My heart goes out to you and I send hugs, too. Love and peace, Easterncedar
Thanks Easterncedar. That is the photo I used for his obituary. I wanted people to remember him with that smile and those bright eyes. I really thought he would be with me for at least a few more years. His body was tired.
Nikkie am so sorry for your loss and what a shock that he suddenly passed away like that he certainly has kept you busy with his little antics the past months and worrying you witless what with running off and getting on the roof etc. Bless him and fond and funny memories will stay with you am sure. Good luck and best wishes for the rest of your life.
Thank you Sue. He kept me on my toes always! LOL! He was just watering the yard last week, fell down and lost another pair of glasses. I bet they show up soon. He fought against PSP until the end. Bless his heart. I miss him so much and I am broken hearted. Very sad time.
So sorry to hear of your loss. He sounds a wonderful man and you were lucky to have found each other, Really sad to be so sudden but it is how most of us would wish the end to be.
I know your family will be a comfort and this family too.
Thank you Doglinton. He was a wonderful man and this was way too sudden. I won't leave this site because I am committed to finding information or leads on treatments or trials or cures for this awful disease. No one should suffer like this--no one!
I am in shock Kevin--we are in shock. Never expected this to happen. I love that...HEAVEN HAS ONE MORE STAR. Thank you so much for lighting a candle for Les and our family.
Oh Nikkie, my heart is breaking for you and yours. You have my prayers. If you need to talk just post. My heart breaking for you. My old man is in rehab after breaking his femur so things are kind of hectic here.
I've written and rewritten this and I cannot seem to verbalize how I feel Nikkie. All I can say is I am so sorry. He looked like a good man; husband ; father ;friend. He left you too early it's true. But if we had our way, I'd say "like that" when describing how I want B and, well, myself to go....quick without anymore lingering than what PSP had presented already. You both were each others rock a foundation that solidified your love so much so that PSP could hardly move it....Remember what a solid man he was and that you can stay strong even after this turmoil. Take time to grieve take time to share your thoughts and good times remember we will be hear for you. You are a good friend to us here at this site....thank you
Your Sister in PSP
AVB
The Lord is my rock. and my fortress and my deliverer; My God my strength in whom I will trust; My buckler; and the horn of my salvation; and my high tower; Psalm 18:2
Lo I am with you always, even unto the end of this world. Matthew 28:20
Thank you abirke for all your wonderful and beautiful words. He was an amazing husband and father and that is exactly the way he would have wanted to go. No struggle and peaceful--it was a beautiful death and right by my side. He was such a fighter never giving up his fight against PSP. He was willing to try it all. He loved life. Thank you for the beautiful scriptures.
I will stay in touch on this site--you all have helped me. You all have been my online therapist and FREE! It doesn't get any better than that.
A real shock Debbie. This disease is so unpredictable and just horrible. It has been chaotic. Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. A huge hug right back to you.
I'm so sorry to hear that Les has died Nikkie but glad for you both that it was so peaceful. It must have been a huge shock for you though as you weren't expecting it so soon so be sure to care of yourself.
So sorry to hear your sad news Nikkie, it must have been such a shock. My Dad died in bed next to my Mum, totally unexpected and in his sleep. He was totally unaware but it was such a shock to my Mum when he had been perfectly OK the day before. Your story rang such a bell as we had had a family BBQ the day before, beautiful sunny day, most of the children and grandchildren there, Dad in such good spirits. We were staying there for the weekend so thank goodness were there to help and support her. It was the perfect death for my dad but very difficult for Mum as so sudden and unexpected. I hope the ceremony goes well and he is remembered for th man he obviously was, grieve in your own way, in your own time.
WOW Kate! Your story sounds so much like mine. It was a beautiful last weekend and day with my guy and he would have wanted to go just the way he did. So sudden and unexpected for me but for him it was beautiful and peaceful. Thank you so much for your kind words.
Nikkie, I am so very sorry to hear this. I lost my wife just a little over a month ago after having just celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary. She would of been 55 next month. I'm sorry to say, but the grief doesn't get much easier in each passing day. Too many memories of our struggles with PSP over the past 7 years. And of course we made that trip to Texas Presbyterian last December and was told she was too far progressed to be a candidate for C2N.
Thanks Ketchupman for your kind words. My condolences for your loss too. You were the one that had a success story with stem cells for pain so we gave it a try and did stem cell injections last April and I remember your determination to get into the C2N clinical trial. I followed your story Ketchupman and can't believe that I am now in the same situation. I have lost my Knight in Shining Armor--my heart hurts.
Please continue praying for us. God bless you too.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am new to this group so I don't know your story of your gallant husband's and your fight against PSP. After reading all of these well wishes, I can see you both were well loved. I offer you and your family my prayers and my best wishes to help you through this difficult time. God bless you. (((((((HUGS)))))))))
Dear Nikkie, I am so very sorry about your hubby, words cannot describe the feelings one has in their heart at this time. Thinking of you and your family. God will heal your heart. Blessings. Nettie
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I'm glad your family was with you at least, and that he went peacefully. Sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way.
Frank now at peace & free
