We need respite!

Finally my mum has agreed we need my dad to go into respire care for one week at our local hospice

Only (slight) or do I mean (huge) problem is getting dad to agree!

The hospice have suggested this to dad, his firm answer was no thanks!

So any tips would be most welcome on how mum and I approach this conversation and of course try to persuade!

Thx u ❤️

13 Replies

  • I'm in the same boat, really, so no advice for you, just understanding and sympathy. I hope someone comes along with the magic words. Good luck and best wishes to you and your family. Ec

  • Thx u Ec

    Hopefully we"ll get some answers!

    Big hugs to you


  • I had the same problem my husband did not want to go to respite. I was lucky we had a very understanding doctor who explained to my husband that the respite was for both of us as I needed to be rested and healthy to look after him all the time he was at home with me.I wish you luck as its very important for your Mum and yourself to also have a break. xx

  • Thx you Putland

    I agree it's vital we have a break before we crack!

    We are getting very tired and worn out!

    Equally I believe it will do my dad good to get used to others helping him!

    At the moment when he goes to the hospice once a week for music therapy he won't let the nurses take him to the toilet! In fact he'd rather sit there wet (:

    So hard and so heartbreaking


  • I understand exactly what you are going through. My husband is not keen on going into respite but it has to happen for all our sake. Yes he needs to let other people help him as you both need a break. The first time my husband went in he rang me to bring in bottle of water and small items. When I arrived the matron asked me why I was there and I told her he had phoned for the items. She said there was plenty of water in the place and anything he required he just had to ask. She told me to go home and relax or take a few days holiday. So please get that respite before you crack up. Best of luck.

  • Your soooo right!

    It's just a question of persuasion! And that's the bloody hardest part!

    When it happens (which I'm trying my best for) mum and I will spend a couple of days at home doing all the jobs we never get time for and see friends and then I'd like us to go away for 2/3 nights and enjoy pure relaxation!! Nice accommodation, good food and of course wine! With a few chocolates for good measure!

    Oh the dream in my mind sounds absolutely perfect!

    Fingers crossed x

  • My husband went into respite a few weeks ago. He wasn't keen, but I told him, it was either part time or full time! I was (am) sailing very close to the end of my coping abilities and HAD to take a break. After a week off, I came back rested and able to carry on that little bit longer. The last couple of weeks have been a real trial, thankfully, he is booked in again at the beginning of April for two weeks. We are having work done. Hopefully, if I don't have to see another ambulance crew(!!!!!) I may be able to last that long.

    Some how, you have to get through to your father, how tired your Mum is and without a break she WILL crash. A week in respite will save this happening and give her the strength to carry on, so he CAN stay at home for as long as is possible. Try and make it, that it is his decision!

    Best of luck

    Lots of love


  • Thx u heady

    Wise words as always

    Big hugs X

  • It is very tricky when they are so resistant and the guilt you must feel is awful. I think that I will have the same problem with Ben as he fights everything along the way although is never aggressive, just stubborn and fighting for independence. I wish you luck dealing with this delicate issue and am sure he will cone round to co operating. xx

  • Bless you

    I totally understand

    So difficult isn't it?! X

  • My husband fights everything, and is very stubborn but you hit the nail on the head feel so sorry for them as they are only fighting for their independence which is very sad. Take care xx

  • My husband recently spent a week in a facility after a hospitalization. I just kept emphasizing how proud I was of him for being brave and strong enough to go.

    I know this sounds harsh but you need to present it as a definite thing that is going to occur instead of asking his permission. Like Heady and others have said you need to emphasize that you HAVE to do this now for a little while so that he will not have to go into a facility permanently. Works like a charm.

    Good luck to both of you!


  • Thx u

    I'm still trying x

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