I feel sooooooo guilty!!

Hi all

Yesterday afternoon my mum was having a well earned lie down upstairs and I said to my dad come on I think it would be s good idea to move you from your wheelchair back to your nice comfy chair

Managed to get dad up standing and then his right leg wouldn't move and I could see this wasn't going to work so whilst trying to hold him I grabbed the wheelchair for him to sit back in, dad then fell badly backwards on the floor and hit his head in the door!! I grabbed a cushion, checked his head, no blood, popped his head under cushion. Mum appeared and I said go to the neighbour to help get dad up, they didn't hear mum knocking! I said ok mum you sit with dad and I bolted over to my neighbour and banged like a nutter on their windows and doors, my neighbour came straight over and got my dad up and back in his chair!

I was crying my eyes out and kept apologising to dad as I totally blame myself!!

Dad said its not my fault but if I hadn't told him he needs to move it wouldn't have happened!!!!

Obviously dad was very shaken up!! He says this morning nothing hurts!!

I pulled something in my arm whilst trying to prevent the fall (but not bothered bout me)

Mum and sister keep saying it's not my fault but I can't stop crying! I could shoot myself for putting my dad through that!!

I just feel awful!!

X

27 Replies

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  • Ring the OT and ask for a standing hoist. I can no longer transfer C on my own but with a standing hoist he can stand, I then swing him round to the chair, bed wheelchair or commode with no problem. It's also good when getting him undressed. I then have two hands to pull his trousers up or down. It also stops me hurting myself.

    Most problems have a solution ( except curing this awful illness ).

    Don't feel guilty. You didn't do it on purpose.

    X

  • Ok thank you

    Will do

    X

  • Please don't beat yourself about this accident. It takes time to learn how to manage this disease, and falls are just part, a major part, of of the challenge. Give yourself credit for what you are doing to help, and move on to the next thing! I used to get quite upset with each event, now we roll with it. Sometimes literally! Hang on. This will pass. You are helping. That is the important thing. Love and peace, Easterncedar

  • I agree with easterncedar and NannaB, I know difficult not to feel guilty but please don't, with PSP falls are inevitable. May I suggest that before OT provides the hoist call emergency services the ambulance and fire service are trained to get people up. You do not want to hurt yourself, mum or kind neighbour. Additionally, when it comes to getting evidence for CHC or social service it helps having ambulance report on number and seriousness of fall risk.

    Best wishes to you and your mum please do not beat yourself up too much you have learned a lesson and will not do it again.

    Tim

  • Yeah thx Tim

    I've called OT today and still awaiting their call back!

    X

    Ps agree with calling 999

    I just panicked n knew my neighbour was the quicker option

  • OHHHH welcome to the world of guilt and pain....It's a matter of experience .

    I remember urging B to take dog for a walk with me....I did not know how to or that I had to support B (he was just falling occasionally) and HE had the leash to the dog. Dog decides to chase after a squirrel, yanking dad down into a 6 foot deep ditch (we call it a creek) that had about a foot of water flowing in it.....Dog is frazzled trying to get away; dad is wrapped up in vines and dog leash and I am screaming my head off ....to no avail.....I finally got a hold of myself...dad got him self unwrapped and we both were able to get him out of the ditch, muddy and wet and frazzled.....OMG!!!!! I had very few experiences with B's situation and and and oh OH Lord please.....I did not realize the difficulties. That was probably the last time 2d to last time he walked the dog.....And it was just months prior that he walked her 3x around our neighborhood circle! From 3 miles a day to nothing LIKE THAT!

    Baby, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! You just need to find what works and what does not. And unfortunately, that will come with a few crashes....knee and elbow pads...B wears them all the time....he used to wear a helmet....too much pride....

    Good luck.......Use this as a learning session......pick yourself up (along with dad) and carry (or lift) on......

    AVB...By the way that's jsut one story I literally have a bout 600 more!

  • Omg

    Sorry but that story made me laugh then cry

    Appreciate your feedback x

  • I'm sorry that you feel guilty over dropping your dad. I'm afraid it does happen from time to time. The last time l let Brian sit on the floor was when i forgot to put the rise and recline chair back down and as he plonked down on it he slid down and off the seat plonk on the floor. I was mortified over it but i was more interested in making him stand straight rather then what i was transferring him onto.

    I know its hard not to feel guilty over what happened but we have all been there and done that and on more then one occasion as well.

    And lets face it if a nvq qualified carer can drop her hubby more then once I'm sure everyone else can be forgiven for having accidents. Janexx

  • Hear Hear!

  • Crickey it seems like I'm not the only one!

    Thx u for sharing x

  • True all true

    Thx u

    X

  • Listen! PSP is to blame NOT YOU!!!! I defy anyone, not to have loads of stories like yours. I know I have! Like, pushing the wheelchair and him, flying out of the front, straight onto his face!!! Falling down, two flights of stairs, when we had had a big row and I went off into the restaurant of our gym to sulk! You name it, I've done it!!! They fall because of PSP, not because you moved him! If that's the only accident, you are party too, then you can pat your self on the back and go to the top of the class. Because YOU will be the only one!!!!,

    On a practical note, get the OT in and ask for some advice how to move your father!

    So cheer up, dry your tears. There are plenty of other things to cry about, this isn't one of them!!!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Awe thx heady

    One thing your comment has installed into my brain use the seatbelt on the wheelchair

    X

  • Mine toooooooo!!!!!!!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • we have one of those telephone alarm things rog wears all the time even in the shower, they offer within the price a pick up service where you just press your device say someone is stuck and they come to help you up with special blow up cushions maybe have it in your area.

    julie x

  • Ooh thx u

    What's the name of the company?

    X

  • hi

    we use worcestershire telecare as that is where we live! there is a generic phone number for this service 08451301469 they can probably give you a local number or contact help the aged or your local carers association.

    glad to be of help.

    julie x

  • Thx u Julie

    ❤️

  • Please don't feel guilty, I used to, until G had a fall at the hospice and the care home where she went for a few days to give me some respite.

    Last week she "slivered" down my body, I did all that I could to hold her up but the pain in my neck was excruciating so had to let her go, G was very upset and felt guilty that she hurt me but I said it's not your fault it's the disease, but as she doesn't want to know about it, it makes it difficult to explain that she is not in control of these things.

    Yesterday G went to the hospice yesterday and I mentioned the fall, and was told off (gently) for trying to hold her up, apparently one is supposed to let the patient fall because we are more at risk of hurting ourselves. We also spoke about how bad her mobility has got in one week. We're now using the four wheeled walker at home, it was the three wheeled walker yesterday morning, and I was told we are not too far away from needing the wheelchair in the home. I just hope our landlord will extend the lease next year or we really are in trouble, at the flat we we in has room, other places I've looked at don't.

    Oh well another battle to overcome.

    Keep smiling.

  • Good luck, maybe put a deposit on lease now! The PT tried to show B how to fall,. Straight Down, Instead of like a tree......knocking everything in its path....B won't can't I don't know but, As I learned from my knee this summer ....get out of his way......There is a point of no return... no matter how hard I try. My knee still hurts, and as cruel as it may be, I make B find his own way up...Well I coach him ....But I don't help lift him unless he can use his legs!

    AVB

  • oh mrs avb just fancy making brian get up by himself mate whatever next poor old brian now i know at least there is one other ;person who has to get upon hes own THATS ME mate unless I need the abilities of a two legged and two arms man like my neighbour who is very good to me my wife just gives him a ring and over he comes

    day or night drunk or sober and he attends my wounds and picks me up which I think is great of him as he has hes father to look after who is 9o years old and is hes carer as well but I have been very lucky with people even In the street i have had young and older people come and help me up thank goodness there are people around like this who want to help you I THANK ALL OF THEM AGAIN

    FOR ALLTHEIR EFFORTS AND UNDERSTANDING AND THERE HAVE BEEN QUITE A FEW BELIEVE ME PETER JONES QUEENSLAND AUSTRALIA PSP BLOKE

  • Hey PeterJones and Wife, speaking of picking up, we are watching Rugby between RSA and NZL, NZ is amazing though, South Africa well, is verrry good, Rugby is amazing between soccer and Am footbal! I like this better.....ball is still alive even if it falls on ground. In AM fbl, if ball drops on ground due to one player hitting it out of hands of another, play is over! They all relign up; take off injured get in huddle talk about new play etc. lots of time between plays so PeterJones and wife, are you for NZ? or are they too close for comfort....nothing to do with New Zealand? hahahahaha I think we Americans feel same way with Canadian football.... Not from our country we don't care.....but Rugby is good! even if intl!

    AVB

  • hi mr\s avb now why would i barrack for new Zealand when have our own great team playing againsgt them THE WALLABIES MATEY I AM GLAD THAT\ YOU ARE ENJOYING THE GAME MATE AND ARE TAKING AN INTEREST IN IT THE NEXT GAME WILL BE A GREAT ONE SO KEEP YOUR EYE ON IT MATEY PETERJONES

  • Hey Mr. Jones! You're on line right now? We are at the mountain camp, enjoying a fine late fall evening. Morning in spring for you! So, what happened at the casino? You okay? How are your legs? Mr. C is doing fine. Insisted on going down into the old dark wet stony farmhouse basement to convince himself I'd shut the water off for the year in the right way. Okay, I'd missed a valve! He was stubborn, but right to be so. On we go. Peace, ec

  • HI MRS CEDAR ND MR BIG C HOWS IT BEEN GOING FOR YOU TWO

    UP AT THE MOUNTAIN CAMP SOUNDS GREAT TO ME MATE I CAN UNDERSTAND MR C CHRECKING THE PLACE OVER AGAIN COZ I DO THE SAME THINGS IF MY WIFE GOES AROUND AND LOCKS UP FOR THE NIGHT I WILL GO AROUND ATEFR HER AND CHECK, TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS OK MUCH TIO HER ANNOYANCE MATES BUT THATS LIFE I GUESS WELL A COUPLE OF HORSES WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT FOR YOU TWO SOUNDS LIKE MY KIND OF PLACE

    \\\\

    AH WELL T\WO OF YOU I WILL SAY SEE YER MAYTES TAKE CARE

    MR C WILL TELL YOU ABOUT THE CASINO ANOTHER TIME SAS ALEWSAYS BEST WISHES PETER JONES AQUEENSLAND AUSTRALIA PSP; SUFFERER

  • Will do thanks!

  • We do have fewer falls after four years. You learn to watch for foot placement, how to hold on and turn etc. with practice and time and OT and PT, you just learn and it becomes second nature. Just don't panic. I can usually figure out how to get him up....usually. Our bigger problem is that he doesn't remember to wait for me to get up. Jill

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