Hi all we are back after our week in Dorset, which was so relaxing with our daughter and granddaughters my daughter did the cooking, my job was to help George and clear the table with the girls and unload the dishwasher in the morning, throughly spoilt, but after a few days I felt unwell with a urine infection, which was not very nice, then a sore throat, so it is the doctors for me on Monday. But had a lovely time would recommend it, lovely places to see, also we had such a lovely holiday barn.
Well I was wondering if anyone had done a power of attorney? Was thinking that this was one of the things I should get done sooner than later.
George's coughing has gotten worse he said he feels like the food is getting stuck in his throat, so I was also wondering if i should get in touch with the speech therapist? What do you all think.
Love to you all
Yvonne xxxxxxxx
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Yvonneandgeorge
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So pleased you had a good holiday even with the infection and hope you are feeling better now.
I went to a solicitor last year and was given the forms for power of attorney but never completed them. I was going to complete them for both of us, financial and medical but changed my mind when I saw the fees I was expected to pay the solicitor. I didn't think it would be necessary as everything is in joint names but had a problem recently as Colin is the first name on the gas, electricity, phone etc and no one will speak to me. I'm going to look at the forms again but only for Colin this time and I am going to try it via the Internet as All the solicitor was going to do for mega Bucks was submit it. Someone wrote recently they had to get a signature from the GP but I didn't see that on the form I completed the first time round.
I would get in touch with the speech therapist. Do you liquidize and mash food yet for George? Colin rarely coughs when eating now as everything slips down easily.
Yes he likes to eat mashed potatoes and I always do something that is easy to eat with it and gravy. I was also going to do the power of attorney for both of us I did not realise that we would need to pay a solicitor Mega money, as we have to pay for everything I have to watch them pennies, will look on the internet and see if there is a cheaper way to do it. You can also phone the different utilities to put your name on the bills, if Colin is able too tell them to deal with you, not sure if you have tried that already.
NannaB, re utilities. A forceful voice saying "he can't speack any more due to his illness. You have to deal with me now, I'm his wife and live at the same address." Always did the trick.
Talk Talk refused to discuss anything with me even though I told them he could understand everything but couldn't speak. Barclaycard sent me a form for him to sign and then gave me a password to quote in all phone calls so that's OK but we don't bank with Barclays so I've only used it once when there was a query about our credit card.
It probably depends on whether the person you talk to has the power to not follow the rules. If they want you to pay they often bend them !Its just unnecessary hassle, isn't it ? Jean
We did the Power of Attorney paperwork ourselves for my parents, just in time as it turned out. It looked massive but it was fine, taking it slowly a page at a time, it was quite straightforward and there were explanatory notes. ( Actually better than some of the forms you have filled in in the past, NanaB!). We printed off the pages from the internet and then filled them in and posted them off. You have to get all the signatures in the correct date sequence - we had to redo one as it was signed and dated in the wrong order.
We decided a while ago to do ours now, even though in our mid sixties we hope they won't be needed for a while, giving POA to each other and also to our children.
I read about a case where the husband was unable to sell a jointly owned house quickly when he needed to as he didn't have POA for his wife who was deemed incapable of giving her consent and the house was jointly owned. It could be important to be able to do that without the time consuming and expensive route through the courts.
You have all spurred me on to get on with it - no good meaning to but not getting round to it.
My task for next week I think. I did read the forms the solicitor sent me and downloaded the notes but at the time I was trying to sell dad's house and filling in loads of forms, searching through papers etc. it was also difficult getting the boys together to sign their bit but like you, this has spurred me on as well.
Can your husband still speak. If so then in relation to the utility bills you can call them and put him on the phone to authorise that you take care of things...you can then change the name on the bill.
Re power of attorney yes a healthcare professional needs to document that your husband is of sound mind to agree to you taking care of finances and welfare.
If you were thinking of getting yours done do so while you can. Thats uf you have someone to take care of your affairs
Hi Opope, unfortunately not. He speaks in grunts that I can usually understand if in context with what is going on around but no one else can. We tried with one company but when they asked him to confirm his name they couldn't understand him even though they knew what it was. They said he had failed the security check and refused to continue the call.
I would highly recommend getting power of attorney for yourselves. My parents had this in place before my father was diagnosed with PSP. My mother is his power of attorney and when is is no longer able than my sister will be and I am the health care proxy for both since I have some medical back ground. Both my parents have living wills and have expressed their wants and nots. We are all getting older and need to take charge of our future and make plans.
you can get the forms and fill them in and send them back yourself wich costs about £100 rather then the £600 that it costs doing it via a solicitor. But be warned you will be overwhelmed when you get the package. I must admit I looked at them and gave them to Brians son to go through.
As the house and accounts are in joint names and all the bills are in my name (apart from the tv licence) we are not sure whether to do struggle through the forms. Brian has done will leaving everything to me and also an advanced directive. So I don't think we will have much problem. Janexx
You can do the Power of Attorney forms online and print them off to get them signed . I downloaded the forms first (and all the guidance!) to practise. It's a bit cumbersome but once you decide how many Attorneys and who it is relatively simple. You don't need a Solicitor. You have to register the forms which costs £110. Having things in joint names doesn't always mean that just one of you can deal with something. Power of Attorney does.
Remember there are 2 types though. One for Property and Finance and one for Health. Very different.
My advice would be to do it but keep it very simple.
Solicitor told me I needed a doctor's signature - he was wrong!
I could not recommend strongly enough getting both powers of attorney.
I know it seems a lot of money, but I just think of it as another expense of PSP. Along with carers, finishing work at such an early age, equipment, etc etc.
I am glad you had a nice holiday. I organised the power of attorney for my mother. I bought a pack from WHSmiths that was quite helpful and told me how and where to download the forms. I completed them but then asked a solicitor to check them and witness mum's signatures as they were all different as she struggled to hold a pen. We also got her doctor to write a short letter to confirm she had capacity. We paid the solicitor £300 and then £110 to register it. We decided to act together and separately in case something happened to one of us and nominated my husband as a deputy. It was a bit overwhelming but I just took my time and worked through the forms. I have registered them with the bank which just means taking them in to be copied and have a test signature so I can write cheques etc. My forms were for finances only. I was told a living will was as good as P of A for health and much cheaper. We havn't done either. My mum's nursing home gave us some paperwork where we can express ours and our mother's wishes.
The speech therapists are definitely the people to ask about swallowing. They visit my mother every few months or on demand if she is having problems.
we love Dorset....stayed for 3 weeks around the time Roy was diagnosed..... We return as often as we can.
It is very important to get power of Attorney sorted out so that you can act on your husbands' behalf with anything to do with property or finance before he loses capacity.
I did one for Finance and property for my husband last year, after nursing the forms for a year before that.it looked difficult at first and I did go to a solicitor to find out the cost but decided to bite the bullit and did it myself in the end. The Consultant told me not to bother with the medical one because nothing was done medically without the patients or next of kin' consent anyway.
I filled it in so that if anything happened to me our children could take over as attorneys for Roy.
If you take some quiet time to read, re read and make notes it all fits into place and then go over it a few times when you have finished to make sure.
It does feel like a weight off my shoulders now that the Power of Attorney has been done and registered.
Thank you all for your replies will definitely do it going to sort it out soon love this website everyone is so lovely and helpful thank you all once again Yvonne xxxxxx
You need to get two LPAs; for Property & Finance as well as Health & Welfare. And you need to do it for you both. You need to give some thought to whom you want to act as replacement attorney should anything happen to yourself. It also makes sense to make a Living Will for both of you. Finally if you have not done so already you should also make wills for you both. Best to do it as reciprocal wills. And I would recommend to use a reliable solicitor firm. It costs obviously more than doing it on the cheap yourself, but you may not be knowledgeable enough to realise various implications. And very importantly the solicitor will keep all your deeds safely stored as well, so nothing will go missing. And from time to time you may need notarised copies for example for the banks, the GP, social services, etc.
Once you have the LPAs you need as soon as possible let the banks know that you can act on behalf of your other half. Putting all those things in place takes time. The solicitor can set up the LPAs very quickly, but it can take up to 6 months before the Office of the Public Guardian acknowledges them. And they will only become effective after the OPG has confirmed them
hi i am glad tha tyou had a agood breka in dorset!
i would def, g et pof a in health and finance for yourselves - or at leas tfor GEORGE
i did it 2 years ago and despite not neigh able to write any more i jus tiniital my cheques and they ago thro ok with the bank
i am aware of my health problems in the future and have an A4 sheet with my wishes on it. which i keep with the POF A and my gp and consultant all have copies,]i need to sort my funeral arrangements out yet - oi hav net done that as yet but have a funeral on 3rd march so will do it after that
Hi Yvonne, It's very easy to do POA, just ring them or go on-line. My sister and I have just done one for our mother. I'm now in the process of doing S's. It looks a lot harder than it actually is. Just make sure you do it in the proper sequence, for the dates!!! You don't need to go to a solicitor or the GP, if you don't want to, a old friend will be fine. But it's all on the forms. Any problems, the staff at Office of the Public Guardian, are very helpful.
You ought to have a Speech Therapist! Get your GP to refer you. Ours comes to see S every couple of months, gives him exercises for his voice, which if he bothered to do them, help. I've given up trying to fight that battle!!! She is always giving advise about what to eat and how to drink without choking, which S has taken notice of (!!!) and is choking a lot less at the moment. Also, she has helped with hints on how to keep in a conversation, now S doesn't talk as much as he use to.
Glad you had a good holiday in Dorset, it's a beautiful county, which has produced some wonderful people, says she that was born there!!!!
Look after yourself, hope you are feeling better soon.
Yvonne, A speech therapist can help a bit for a time so go for it. Nothing to loose. Power of Attorney is much needed early on while the patient can communicate. I found in the USA that some of the investment companies didn't accept the "standard" POA document even though notarized. They had to have their own forms filled out and notarized. Something to watch for if you'll need money from an investment account to care for the loved one. Not all investment companies are like that but I found two major ones here in the USA that were like that. Jimbo
we have done ours and updating the will by in the event of one death that share at least I goes to the person \s you want it to go to . the house then becomes shared ownership between for example your child / children and the person still living .Peace of mind .
after all of One of you dies what will happen to the one left who is I.Ncapacitated !!
Just adding to the above... Hoping it will be useful:
For the UK:
We completed forms for both Health and Welfare and Finance. We got them from Ugov online and completed them ourselves. They come with notes and we found it straightforward, but lengthy. The simple rule is check them and check them again before submitting them.
There is a telephone number on the forms which you can ring for help. We rang it three times and each time the telephone was answered quickly by a friendly and very helpful person.
There is a warning on the forms saying that if you make an error the forms may be rejected and the fee lost. We stipulated something which turned out to be illegal (not criminal I hasten to add) and we got a letter explaining why and how to go about correcting the problem... no lost fee.
We feel much happier with these done. My wife has made it clear to myself and her Sister what her wishes are and the Health and Welfare PoA gives flexibility to interpret her wishes for unforeseen medical / social situations.
Other things you might consider are an Advanced Decision:
We did this also, but the PoA trumps it if there is a conflict.
Finally we did a Do Not Resuscitate. Your GP will have the form and they sign it off. Technically the DNR is not necessary legally. DNR can be written into the Advanced Decision. However in practice Doctors and especially paramedics are very nervous about following a DNR in an Advanced Decision and they are more confident if the GP signs one off as they know it has been discussed and approved my a medical practitioner.
It is more important to make a living will to ensure that end of life care goes as planned. I took out Power of Attorney, with my sister, for our mother for both Health and Welfare and Property and Finance. This was interpreted by Mum's consultant as a conflict of interest. I was refusing care to save Mum's money for my sister and I according to the health professionals. They removed Mum from my care and put her in a nursing home which is exactly what she didn't want. I was a trained nurse and midwife of 40 years experience, I refused some of the care they organised and paid for private care which suited me better.
Hi I would get the POA believe me when it comes to signatures and important things even just going to the doc or pay bills over the phone it was so exhausting for Aunt Bev they cant understand her like I can it becomes frustrating and so much on both if you can sign signatures and answer for them sometimes at first I want to slap someone or jump off a bridge people do not have the paticient to let them repeat them selfs over and over again as they try to understand them a lot of times i would come in and she would be on the phone and want to upgrade the TV I still just want to slap someone some times but not as hard,
unless your on everything they will constantly want to know if there is a POA give every one a copy poof settled because the talking until a cure is found gets no better unfortant ly
Yvonne, I have assigned my daughter as my power of attorney but my son is listed as second in line. lives in a different state but will come to my aid If I'm in disagreement with her choices, you may want to be careful if who you chose and also pick a close friend that you trust that understands your situation, when ny husband couldn't eat we gave him foods that were his favorites . that may help.hope things work out t for you //// .gena
You must get the speach and language therapist SALT involved now. The implications can be wuite serious as im sure you're aware. My mum went into hospital 11 weeks ago diagnosed with pnuemonia due to aspirations. We decided we would risk feed as its my mums only pleasure now. We dont want to go along the route of a peg into the stomach.
We now puree all her food in a small blender and find the only time she really chokes is when drinking. There is a thickener that can be used to thicken liquids.
The SALT team were great with us showing us exactly how she should be fed ie sitting upright, small amounts on the spoon and allowing time to swallow in between mouthfuls.
Power of attorney is a definite and if you have the cash then get a solicitor to do it...less stress for you. Get the power of attorney for both finances and welfare. Also as you have children then might it be a thought to get yours done aswell. This is what we are in the process of doing with mum and dad. (Dad is fine but who knows what the future has install aye)
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