hope less

[Mikedg71]

I was 43 when I had my prostate removed , it was stage 3 they said. I am now 46 and I haven't been with no one. I feel like I still have lost a part of me. Me I feel like I cant provide to my partner ( If I Had One ) .How do I get over this and move on.

[YostConner]

Mike,

I had a partner wh3n I went through surgery at age 44, so I’m grabbing at straws here. Lots of gay men worry only about the sex and less about intimacy. Are there social groups or other organizations where you might be able to meet men who are interested in dating and seeing how things develop before going to bed? I’m just wondering whether a bond of intimacy might temper the sex part. Also, don’t sell yourself short. There’s still A LOT you can do sexually.

Yost.

[Vitruviusman]

Mike, you and I are in the same boat. I had my prostate out as well and have not been with anybody in 5 years. Maybe we should get to know each other

[ldtone]

Having had prostate surgery in 2012, I know the feeling and the sense of bleakness as far as sex goes, but there are options available which you might consult your doctor about. I tried a few of the options and finally after 5 years had a penile implant. For me, it was the best solution, but even though all works well, I still have some issues to work out mentally. I know as a gay man, we place so much emphasis of sex, that we put ourselves behind the 8 ball. I'm working on this, and finding this site has given me a new approach, being able to discuss my feelings and it helps build self esteem. Please don't underestimate yourself. You have a lot to offer someone. You've already conquered the first step, by having the surgery and regaining you life.

[winwon00]

Hi Mike, it's never easy and I can relate to your dilemma as I had surgery a little over two weeks ago and although greatful to have the cancer removed, sex is an enjoyable component of being human. for many of us, it's also what keeps us emotionally stable, confident, greatly improves self esteem, and allows you to have a much better social life. That being said, as human beings, we are very adaptable to any situation and it's vital to your health and well being to explore all the options available to improve your existing conditionand be willing to accept that sex will never be what it used to be. Personally, I see so much opportunity to focus on the good things about life. Geez there's so much to enjoy including intimacy. after many years of good and bad sex, I didn't miss anything at all and I intend to train my mind and body to enjoy some firm of intimacy and live my life to the fullest. the first record of prostate surgery was done in the late 1800s so that means before that time, unfortunately men with prostate cancer did not live long enough to worry about having an unsatisfactory sex life. So I will take an extra 10,20,maybe 30 years to enjoy life and see that metaphorical glass as half full.

[aksns61]

Im 75, just completed 1 year after treatment of brachytherapy and radiation. Before PCa I had great times with men who were in your situation, but I always did my best to enable them to enjoy all components of a good time in bed, even if they were not capable of an orgasm or maintain an erection. There is MORE to life. They were FUN.

[jimreilly]

Sometimes acceptance--starting with accepting ourselves and whatever state we're in--takes a long time. It took me longer than three years after my prostatectomy before I felt I could deal with sex again, and I gotta admit, I haven't had too much even since that point. One guy I was seeing was too young for me (we both felt so, but it was fun for a while) and another guy, whom I saw more, moved out of town. Damn. But I did negotiate and talk about what I could and couldn't do, and things were OK, more than OK with the second guy. Didn't think I could do it, but I could and did. Three years in your life (43 to 46) is a long time, but sometimes it takes that long or longer. That doesn't mean it's never gonna happen, and you're still young (damn, I'm 74, I don't believe it). If you think you need a "nudge" different things might help. You've probably figured out how to have sex with yourself--whether Viagra helps, or something else, what stimulates the new you best, if anything. If youhaven't experiemented on yourself, maybe it's time. Porn might help stimulate your imagination if real people aren't there right now to try out things with. If you were always a top before, well, you might have to consider being a bottom. And that would take some mental adjustment and maybe some physical experimentation before you're ready. But don't give up. Your brain's been working on this problem under the surface these three years, and now. since you're obviously ready to start asking for advice, maybe some stuff is going come to the surface and surprise you. Asking is a good sign. A lot of us have been through it. Good luck!

[winwon00 in reply to jimreilly]

good advice Jim. I was always vers but after surgery I may not be such a great top anymore. Now I may have to get comfortable with being a bottom 100% of the time which will be an adjustment that I can live with.