I have questions.

Hello, guys! There are some things I have questions about and I know coming here has helped tremendously.

I saw my surgeon for a follow-up appointment. He mentions that I should be (in most cases) not using the pads as much as I am now. I was under the impression that I would have to wear them for about a year. The other news is I did try anal with the toys and I felt somewhat comfortable doing that. Part of my mild depression was not being able to have sex again, so I thought I would check out how my body would respond to anal.

So here are the questions. Even though we're told to do Kegel exercises, do you feel that anal penetration is a hindrance to the recovery of the sphincter muscle? If so, should I stop anal sex? Has anyone tried the injection to the base of the penis for erections? Has anyone preferred the penis pumps? Orgasms are achieved, but erections are barely 40%. Does this improve with time?

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  • I suppose side effects from our surgeries are different for all of us. I ultimately had an artificial urinary sphincter device implanted to cut down on the number of pads I used. As for the potential issue with anal penetration I believed it best not to engage in it till more fully confident of recovery. I too am experiencing depression over not having much of a sex life as a side effect from my surgery. I have tried the bi-mix and tri-mix penile injections. For me, the erections achieved were not pleasurable nor full. I am aware of others who swear by the injections. The tri-mix burned and was uncomfortable. The stronger bi-mix still only affects a partial erection. I am continuing with the injections and hoping for improvement but am not confident it is worth it. I am curious about the pump and would like to hear how others fared with it - and if positive, is there a better one than others? I do find that the doctors I have been seeing don't quite get the gay sex dilemma nor are they comfortable discussing it. Good luck to you.

  • Hi Ced,

    First, with respect t your question about pads, you're only about five months post-op so while the need for pads should be diminishing, you likely will continue to need some for a while. The key is to strengthen your pelvic floor and the one remaining urinary sphincter and that's where the Kegels come in. On that topic, it's important that you know how to do them correctly.

    In my own case, I was able to get down to a single thin pad (mostly for leakage protection) in about six months. Most of my leakage was minor and positional...i.e. when getting up from a sitting position. I'm now 14 months post-op and no pads.

    Kegels: Doing these correctly involves clenching your butt sphincter...like you're squeezing an inserted cock. If you're tightening your abs, you're not getting to the right muscles. My therapist had me doing two sets of ten...a set of long ones (holding about 10 secs) and a set of short ones (3-4 secs). You can do these anytime...anywhere...just do them.

    On your toy question, probably not a good idea to play with long ones yet, but most of your ass nerves are right at your hole...just sayin'. I had toy cocks in my hole at about six months and went to a fisting party at about nine months.

    Hope this helps, Ken

  • Well here's how it went for me.......i used pads for about a month only because i work in a nursery and do alot of lifting and those are the times I really needed them! I still have to concentrate when lifting and squatting and doing manual labor. My problem is that I leak at night....sometimes just a dribble but it keeps me from sleeping nude which is what I like! My robotic surgery was just over 6 years ago! I was a hardcore top but of course that ended. It is depressing, very depressing. I went on antidepressents for awhile but I didn't like the side effects. My husband bought me a pump ( he's a hardcore bottom) because we both wanted my cock back! I'm still using it to this day. It is the real reason why my erections are at about 80%. I did lose about 1 1/2 inches and that wasn't easy to deal with. I even have some "foreskin" now....kind of cool tho. Use the pump every day just to keep your cock from shriveling up...like they've always said "use it or lose it"! I've decided that to keep myself from going down those deep dark alleys of my mind I've been playing with dildos so I can be more of a bottom and not ever quit having any kind of sex. I probably waited a year before I but anything up my butt!

    Everything is going to take time and the amount of time is different for everyone. I still do kegals whenever I think about it and try to eat healthy and stay active in alot of ways.

    Good luck! Sorry if I rambled!!!!

  • Everyone's recovery is different, Ced, and when the doctor tells you what "should" be happening he's talking about what happens on the average (and maybe about what he wishes was happening!). The truth is there's a huge range of recovery--some people have good urinary control really fast, and some people never do and have to have an ariticial urinary sphincter or (as in my case) male sling surgery. Years later I still wear one pad a day, but often it's dry at the end of the day or has just received a little dribble--but it gives me insurance. Supposedly people still have some urinary control recovery up to a year or even a year and a half after surgery--so you may not be done improving yet and you have every right to hope there's more recovery to come.

    I've also found that in my case sexual ability recovery has gone on even longer (with a setback for the male sling surgery). I don't do the injections (although I think I would if I had a partner who really cared if I got that hard); I get pretty hard with a Viagra full dose at this point and it's good enough for my needs, although I don't have many opportunities any more with other people.

    I was depressed for several years and didn't have sex (except with myself) at all, but I'm over that and have had some good times. It'll never be like before (and I broke up with my partner a few years before the surgery, so there's that, too). But I'm OK now, just different, and the last few years have been very satisfying, even though there have been some other health problems (resolved).

    I wish you the best of luck with a continued recovery--and some good times in your near future!

  • Thanks Jim for your reply. I shall take it more into consideration than what my doctor has said. I like your point of view, and for that, I truly appreciate this.

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