Prostate Cancer just about: I am 5... - Prostate Cancer A...

Prostate Cancer And Gay Men

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Prostate Cancer just about

Vitruviusman profile image

I am 59 years old, prostate cancer , yes years ago, age 54. Gleason Score 4-5, PSA, 4. Had a robotic  prostectomy. NO side effects or conditions  Problem Erectile Dysfunction. No social life. I work out at the gym 3x a week completing a rigorous Cross Fit/Weight training regiment. Despite keeping fit, once men find out, I cannot get an erection, "the make nice routine" begins and the date ends. Thus, I have had no intimacy in over 4 years. I have friends but with no physical intimacy, I have this constant melancoly feeling that does not go away. I tried the ED drugs, the tortuously painful pump, do not want the penis implant, and do not like to inject my penis with the  medication to create the erection.  This leaves nothing else.  I need to hear from other men to learn how you are coping and most importantly ,what we can do,allowing us to create fulfilling relationships with other men that include intimacy and the potential of a LTR.

in addition, I found out I did not have to have the operation. The amount of cancer was microscopic, no tumor, a handful of cells. I could have been a candidate of the SPOT-ectomy where the surgeon goes in  to the prostate, like a biopsy, takes out the few cancer areas, and then monitors PSA for the next year. Most with this small level of cancer are essentially "cured' When I found this out, it pissed off

22 Replies

Sorry to say your not the only man a doctor has operated on when he didn't have to. To many men are left impotent and the doctor really doesn't seem to care. Wish all men could have a group like this to talk to before they have their prostrate cut out.  I had to have something done but had Proton Therapy instead of invasive surgery and had no side effects. Wish every man would at least look at having Proton Therapy before having their prostates cut. My cancer was cured an been gone since 2011. I wish you the best , you can get your erection back but you have to work on it all the time.

Michigan Jim

the surgeon was horrendous and could careless

These dates you've been on making nice, no call back, these guys are total jerks! You are the lucky

 one they never called you back. Even before my RP I'd found out to survive a relationship sex wasn't necessary. Nice but not necessary. The most erotic night I've ever spent with someone was just the conversation and erotic touching. No orgasim had by either of us. I was younger and it still remains my best sexual memory. Hang in there, he's out there, he will understand..... I would....

Because you're a psychotherapist, I thought you might be interested in the following study that validates everything you've been saying. They define a couple of interesting concepts:  "sexual disqualification" (exclusion from group identity because of inability to meet sexual qualifications), and "re-negotiation" (re-defining one's sexuality).

"Threat of Sexual Disqualification: The Consequences of Erectile Dysfunction and Other Sexual Changes for Gay and Bisexual Men With Prostate Cancer"

Have you tried the tri-mix injections and found you don't like them? What about MUSE? (it's a pellet you drop down the urethra)

good article. Exactly as I was saying

So OK, it confirms what I have been saying NOW WHAT do we do to correct this?

What did you think of the concept of "renegotiation?" Is that something that might work for you, perhaps with the aid of a psychotherapist?

Your right about"sexual disqualification" issue when your cock is dead

I am four years out from my RP and continue to have undetectable PSA's. I have minimul problems with incontinence. I do have more problems with ED. I was at a support group last night in NY where several people talked about using Muse as a way to achieve an erection. I personally use the injuctions, but may try Muse after hearing more about it. I got the impression that with Muse it is easier to travel and take it with you. With the injections you need to keep the medication refrigerated until you use it.

Vitruviusman profile image
Vitruviusman in reply to NYCJim

What is MUSE? Never heard of it. It is another injectible penal erection medication? I have tried everything and nothing , except the penal injections, will work. Even then the shaft is erect on 3 sides, underside is flaccid, and head of cock soft, looks ridiculously LOPSIDED.

Do you live where you have access to a Urologist or other Dr who could help you with sexual rehabilitation? Your Dr should be telling you all of your options and helping you out with this. In NYC there are a number of Dr. who specialize in E.D. My understanding is that time is of the essence in rehabbing the penis. That said, Muse is a tiny pill that is inserted into the head of the penis. I feel sure that it requires a prescription. Good luck with all of this. Keep the faith.

Vitruviusman profile image
Vitruviusman in reply to NYCJim


Vitruviusman profile image
Vitruviusman in reply to NYCJim


my erection is coming back...not fully but working on it. love the new orgasm.

Vitrs man, you are good looking and you look much younger than the age you mention.

The reason why I checked on all support groups was not to relive the past, but to focus on the future. We all need somebody that will understand the WHY question. How do you explain to anybody that did not go through it that suddenly your brain/emotions and your penis live on two different planets.

To find somebody that would understand, is problematic, but finding another guy that had a prostatectomy and with the same battle, you might find a relationship of love and passion far surpassing the sex based once

Indeed. Now where to find this man

I want to start by saying this is not a lecture and I'm not judging. The toothpaste is out of the tube and you can't put it back in. An observation with all of your post is that you seem very angry with your medical team and with the results of your PC surgery. You have stated you're a psychotherapist so you would understand the value of possibly getting into some type of therapy yourself to help you come to terms and find acceptance and hopefully find happiness. There is definetly life after PC surgery but until you find your own inner peace finding happiness with another person is going to be tough. You look like your a good looking man, you've stated your in great shape and keep yourself very fit. Intimacy is not just hard dicks and cum especially as we mature. Wishing you inner peace and acceptance-Namaste

I am shared my situation with a few counselors. They both agreed as for as counseling, the do not think I am a candidate being my condition is situational. Anytime a man has his prostate ripped out, there will be functional limitations. I was with my Jeff for over 15 years until he died of cancer. I have been in relationships for over 26 years total . I understand well what it takes to support a relationship emotionally. Trying to find another man who is equally emotionally healthy is a challenge. And so it is.....

CPGeek profile image
CPGeek in reply to Vitruviusman

That's true without prostate cancer. And emotional health is more a goal than a quality. We all have our regressions.

I find it horrific that a medical professional would think it was ok to do that to you. You relied on him and he let you down. I am so sorry. Anyone reading this would do well to learn from you. Thank you for posting.

Hello Vitruvius, I am saddened to hear you are going through all of this. In all of your searching to find someone new to share your life with have you found any other men interesting that share this same erection problem? It soundsas if an emotional connection is what you are seeking most. I understand you have gone through so much and you may not want to repeat parts of your story as that can often be difficult too. How about some meditation in the meantime to help you carry this weight on your shoulders?

I have not found other men whose cocks are dead like mine. Most are fully men, function as MEN. I feel like a eunuch.

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