Just curious does anyone else get sick of people when they find out you have or have been treated for PCa say “oh your lucky it’s the Prostate, it’s usually easy if it’s caught early you’ll be ok”
I agree with that but at the same time I sure don’t feel so lucky
Lucky is a relative statement, even on this forum.
I agree with you but I can't say it really bothers me. People who say that obviously have not had prostate cancer and probably no cancer at all. I think a good response is "Just because something is treatable doesn't mean you're lucky"
sometimes I say "I'll never be as OK as I was before" , but if the context is about someone who has just died, say, of esophogeal or pancreatic cancer, I just swallow and go on......
I get that, and I certainly told myself that when I was diagnosed 10 years ago, but I actually have never heard anybody, other than my very, very bad urologist say something like that.
I appreciate it when people actually want to talk about cancer, but it rarely feels more than surface deep:
So, how are you doing, Bill?
I am doing ok, hopefully I will... (Do you actually want to hear more?)
I am probably one of the "lucky" ones, at least on some level, but I sure as hell don't feel that way.
When you come down to it, with sickness we are essentially on our own.
It's funny because my experience is the other way around . I had a lot of " oh you're so unlucky" and actually everyday I feel lucky to be alive.
But I get your point and bottom line, when bystanders are offering simplistic and ill informed cliche it makes us grind our teeth....
They're dealing with their own deep fears that it could had happened to them and it's a way of dispelling these thoughs,.
We just wish they give us a path in the back and a smile instead..
I always say people who say your lucky to have prostate cancer, never had it or knew a close one who had it. It curable off caught early, but the side effects can be horrific
I dont tell anyone i have it but my wife and kids. Dont need the pity party or the other ignorant comments that seem inevitable even if well intentioned.
Hey ODave!
There is an old saying that is appropriate for many card carrying members of the human race --"You can't fix stupid"!
Currumpaw
yes - people don't know what to say - so I mostly don't tell anyone except immediate circle of friends and family and when they say:
" How are you ?" my response is often:
" I am still here and seem to be able to find some joy in life. Things are under control. "
I do have to mention the people who I " had " to tell who walked away from my life. That hurt - still does.
Yesterday while talking to a young ( and very pretty man - I must say ) Dr getting ready for a colonoscopy, I found myself saying: " ADT changes you. Really changes you. I had no idea of the role that Testosterone plays. and how your life changes without it."
And he said: " I can't even imagine . "
And I thought: " lucky you. "
The first time this happened to me, I was on ADT, and quite unprepared for such a comment. All I could think of saying was, "Oh, it doesn't END your life; it RUINS your life." Since then I've reconsidered this, and I just politely acknowledge the person. It's well-meaning.
I don't let things bother me. it is a potentially fatal cancer. I caught it early because I see my doctor as I should. It wasn't luck
Our cancer is often referred to an male equal to breast cancer! Although I have never been approached with anything similar to your statement, I also don’t think that any women has either. Nobody would ask them that!!! I could go on preaching to the choir but I learned early, to only include those that can handle it!!! Don’t broadcast your Dx.... I just throttled the knowledge to close friends and family. Right decision... who knows?!!!!
ANYBODY with cancer.... is not LUCKY! Only a fool or the ignorant would make that statement!! Awaken those ignorant people that you chose and exclude the fools by keeping it close to your chest!!!
Just my opinion...
jc
Hi ODaveYes it is irritating when people belittle the condition, but from my experience this is usually out of ignorance.
I have PC now, but we have grown up with a special needs child and lived with the most appalling attitudes from others, typically at the school gate where all the perfect mummies with the perfect little darlings can't understand why someone who has autism behaves as they do and look down their noses at you because your child is screaming or carrying out some peculiar autistic ritual, like you are just bad parents. Thing is it is not our daughters fault that she was born like that anymore that it is your or my fault that we have PC!
I always think when people act like that it says a lot more about them than it does about you. Generally speaking people get their come-uppance sooner or later and it is all the harder for them because everything has been perfect up until then and they have never had to deal with a problem
I think all these things teach us humility and I feel a renewed sense of understanding and sorrow for those around me with other debilitating conditions, many of which may not be obvious to see.
Don't blame you one jot for venting off by the way, but I learned at a young age that life is not fair. Sometimes it is not fair on me, sometimes it is not fair on someone else. All you can do is just accept it and carry on!
Best wishes to you and everyone else reading this!
I had an Uber driver say that to me. He was driving me from my hotel to M D Anderson where I was having a check-up for my metastatic prostate Ca which is now in the lungs. It was one of those laugh or cry moments. No actually it was a laugh or reach forward and strangle the guy moment. I chose the former but someday someone might catch me at the wrong time and I could snap. 🤪
I hear it and have learned to just let it go. Believe it or not when I told someone close to me that I had prostate cancer their reply was "oh, all men get prostate cancer" and dismissed it. Unfortunately PCa doesn't get the attention that it should especially when it comes to the possibility of recurrence. It's a bit crazy that people rate cancers and consider anyone who gets cancer to be lucky.
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