I know that as caregivers or in my case, a widowed, there’s always something that challenges you mentally and emotionally. Today, I’m going out of town. When my friend suggested we get away, the idea sounded great. Today, not so much. I wish I wasn’t going. Brian and I traveled together always. It feels like I’m leaving him behind. Also, I’m afraid to face my feelings. To get on that airplane without him. To explore without him.
We have been forced to live a life with didn’t ask for.
What is everyone else struggling with today?
What is this life forcing you to do?
Will get thru this... 
My story with my best buddy
Sad and down but can’t show it
I know the feeling of not looking forward to something that sounded like a great idea days ago. I'm hoping you can find some joy on your trip and that it will give you the strength to plan a next one. I'm sure you carry him with you every day and think about how much he'd like something or how funny he'd think something was. Just getting out of bed and going through your normal routine can be a struggle and maybe even a miracle. You doing all those things honor Brian. You posting here to reach out and moderating to help all of us honors him. I'm in awe of your strength in doing this. This is the same strength that will help you get through all the things.
Right now I'm feeling anxious over lab tests on Tuesday. It's been 6 weeks since my husband's doctor decided to give him a break from chemo after 9 sessions. He's been feeling pretty good this last month and it's been so nice. I know I'm supposed to live in the moment and embrace these times...and I mostly am. But I also know how shitty this beast is and feel the need to brace myself for whatever is next.
Sending you hugs. Hoping this is a nice trip for you. Hoping for some happy moments for you.
Hello Yadifan, how are the labs?I know what you mean. We try our best to enjoy every minute, but cancer is always there. Staring at us.
I had awful anxiety for two weeks after Cleodman received the LU177 treatment. I had never experienced anything like it. I started to play "Wordscapers" on my phone. It helped keep my mind occupied for a bit while I calmed down.
Please keep us posted.
His PSA went from 1.2 to 2.6 in less than a month. His doctor called yesterday and is ordering a CT scan. So now we wait. But I won't wait for long. I tend to be a very squeaky wheel. But even waiting a day can be hard. "Staring at us". I do feel it staring at us! I'm getting tired of trying to pretend I'm okay. I'm scared to lose him. His cancer is aggressive and I think it's actually angry right now. My hubby seems so calm. I know he's scared too.
Oh no, I was hoping to hear better news. I don't know how they can appear calm. I think they do that to protect us. Cleodman used to be like that too. They process things differently. I believe they start to prepare their minds for the inevitable while we run from it. Of course, we don't want them gone. We don't want to think of that.
When your mind starts to wander, remember that he is still here. Enjoy him as much as possible. Make him laugh and take lots of videos.
Please keep us posted on his CT scans. Also, have you guys looked into the LU177?
We're very interested in LU177. I've heard that this summer it will be offered at a Las Vegas hospital. We're about 5 hours from there. Also want to talk to his doctor about Xofigo. We had a Foundation One study done about 6 months ago. There really wasn't anything actionable per that report.
Thank you for knowing. And for your helpful words. Planning a short trip right now to Greer. And we're both smiling about that. I'm grateful for these days.