Saturday Night Live! Open Mic 🎀 All ... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Saturday Night Live! Open Mic 🎀 All jokes are welcomed!πŸ‘πŸ™

β€’79 Replies

The Struggle is Real!!! πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

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79 Replies
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Since you asked........ It's long , be patient.

A priest, a rabbi ,and a minister, were talking about how they manage the funds for the weekly collection of the offering.

The priest said, "I draw the out line of a cross in the courtyard. I toss the offering in the air. What lands inside the cross, I keep. The rest God keeps."

The minister said, I do a similar ritual. I draw a circle on the ground, toss the offering in the air, what lands outside the circle The Lord keeps. Of course what lands inside the circle I keep,"

The rabbi then says. "Well, I go out in the court yard, and simply throw the offering in the air, What God catches he can keep.........

in reply to

Brilliant! πŸ‘πŸ™

Rabbi is the most β€œenlightened” one πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚.

in reply to

Thank you.. Thought that one up myself I did. Yup! Rabbi got Da Juice!

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Oh wow Mr. Tao is a comedian too πŸ˜‚πŸ˜…πŸ‘πŸ™

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A frustrated comedian at that... Frustrated that I can't make a living at it. But thank you... you so kind.πŸ₯°

He Said...She Said....πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£

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"To start from the self and try to understand all things is delusion. To let the self be awakened by all things is enlightenment."

Dogan

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Hit me with a stick please πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

in reply to

Oh, I think not.You'd probably enjoy it.

πŸ˜€πŸ˜˜

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Instant Satori β˜οΈπŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

in reply to

I aim to please.

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πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™

Teacher’s petβ˜οΈπŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

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Wish I'd thought of that😁

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Right up your alley Mr. Tao πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

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Teacher's pet? Who is teaching whom here?

πŸ˜‰πŸ™

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Always so humble Mr. Tao πŸ˜‚πŸ™

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Yes Grasshopper. It is a wise person who knows humility.

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Wisdom is knowing when to leave the room. TTFN πŸ™πŸ‘‹

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Later Mr. Tao πŸ˜‚πŸ™

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And to you have a good evening... Pleasant repartee as usual thank you.😍❀️

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Thank you Mr. Tao for participation. Have a good evening πŸ€—πŸ™πŸŒˆ

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345 in reply to

Have a good night Mr TaoπŸ™. Good jokeπŸ‘πŸ™‚

in reply to

Perfect GreatMindfulness!🀣

in reply to

Thank you Callendersgal! πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ™

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345

Returning from his holiday, Mulla Nasrudin asked for two weeks more in which to get married."But you just had two weeks off," said the boss. "Why didn't you get married then?"

"WHAT, AND RUIN MY HOLIDAY?"

in reply to ZazenRiver345

The awareness is off the chain πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345

Mulla Nasrudin was attempting to smuggle a jar of whiskey across the border of his country. When asked what the jar contained, he said, "Holy Water."The Customs officer insisted on opening it and taking a sniff.

Good God, man, this is whiskey! he said "SAINTS BE PRAISED!" cried the Mulla. "A MIRACLE!"

in reply to ZazenRiver345

Brilliant! Mulla is awesome πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345 in reply to

So much wisdomπŸ‘ŒπŸ˜‚πŸ€£

in reply to ZazenRiver345

Undoubtedly the best-known trickster and wit in human history β˜οΈπŸ€£πŸ˜‚

πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹

πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚
ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345 in reply to

You have to come back for chocolate πŸ™πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

in reply to ZazenRiver345

Gotta give what people want or elseβ˜οΈπŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

Itzallgood1 profile image
Itzallgood1 in reply to ZazenRiver345

Chocolate comes out the back end....

in reply to Itzallgood1

We got one truth teller here β˜οΈπŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to

Oh no πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

in reply to Hb2003

Oreo and Chocolate Milk πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to

Yes πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Itzallgood1 profile image
Itzallgood1 in reply to Hb2003

Only if you share Hiba

Karate Kid πŸ™

πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

Google ain’t all dat.... πŸ™„

πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚
Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003

Hiba never misses Ramadan and always wakes up for suhur her favorite movies are the hunger games and fasting and furious πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

in reply to Hb2003

Brilliant! πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚xox

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ lol

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345 in reply to Hb2003

You get a little grumpy when you're fasting? πŸ˜‰πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to ZazenRiver345

Yes πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

in reply to Hb2003

Doesn’t take much to fix πŸ€·β€β™€οΈJust load her up with Oreos πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚β€οΈ

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ 6 Oreos a day keeps Hiba’s anger away πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

in reply to Hb2003

Daz wisdom right der β˜οΈπŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚β€οΈ

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345 in reply to Hb2003

6 is a good numberπŸ‘. Not too much, not too little

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345 in reply to

Gotta get her oreo levels back upπŸ˜…

in reply to ZazenRiver345

It’s so slow it needs to hit control alt delete boost πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to ZazenRiver345

I’m a whole other person when fasting πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345 in reply to Hb2003

Like the hulk? 🀣🀣🀣

in reply to Hb2003

I’ll say It’s mix between alladin and the 40 thieves πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

VDC1 profile image
VDC1

A man was arrested at the airport for having a sharp object in his luggage. He had a ruler, compass and protractor. He was a math teacher! But it turns out he was also a member of the notorious terrorist group, Al Gebra.

in reply to VDC1

Nice πŸ‘We have a different kind of Notorious over here in US called Notorious Big πŸ˜‰πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

VDC1 profile image
VDC1 in reply to

Up north were also sicker than the average. I sometimes twist cabbage on instinct. Some people don’t think it stinks think gators and my Detroit players , Tims for my hooligans in Brooklyn

in reply to VDC1

Oh dang no limit to the ultimate ! Brooklyn bounce 😎

VDC1 profile image
VDC1 in reply to

Hahahh. I can rap him karaoke word for word believe it or not.

in reply to VDC1

Show me whatchu got πŸ˜‰

VDC1 profile image
VDC1 in reply to

Who shot ya , separate the weak from the obsolete it’s on sista, forget all that bickering beef, your heartbeat sound like Sasquatch feet thunderin shakin the concrete

in reply to VDC1

Girls walk to us, wanna do us, screw us

Who us? Yeah, Poppa and Puff

Close like Starsky and Hutch, stick the clutch

Dare I squeeze three at your cherry M-3

Bang every MC easily, busily

VDC1 profile image
VDC1 in reply to

Recently sista’s frontin ain’t saying nothing so I just speak my piece keep my peace cubans with the Jesus piece with my peeeps! It’s so catchy it’s hard not to say it. Never thought I’d rap a biggie duet

in reply to VDC1

It’s your lucky day I guessπŸ€·β€β™€οΈ Bring it back to Century Club heyyyy πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Kainan profile image
Kainan

What kind of concert costs only 45 cents?

Kainan profile image
Kainan in reply to Kainan

50 cent ft. Nickelback

in reply to Kainan

Nickel back πŸ˜… πŸ˜… 50cent in da clubbb πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

Kainan profile image
Kainan in reply to

πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ

in reply to Kainan

The only way is up ☝️

Kainan profile image
Kainan in reply to

and then it comes back down

in reply to Kainan

What comes up must go down πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345

"Is there any reason why the board should not draft you into the army, Mulla?""Yes, I have defective eyesight," said Mulla Nasrudin.

"Are you able to substantiate that claim?"

"WELL -- HERE'S A PHOTOGRAPH OF MY WIFE."

in reply to ZazenRiver345

Such a sore for an eyesight πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345 in reply to

Poor Mulla cant catch a breakπŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

in reply to ZazenRiver345

Hang in there buddy... πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

ZazenRiver345 profile image
ZazenRiver345

When old Mulla Nasrudin was asked why he talked to himself, he replied: "IT IS BECAUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE, I LIKE TO TALK TO A SMART MAN, AND IN THE SECOND PLACE, BECAUSE I LIKE TO HEAR A SMART MAN TALK."

in reply to ZazenRiver345

Know Thyself πŸ˜‚πŸ™

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Thank you all for making me feel welcome.

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Hope you are all having a good Sunday, and yes, the jokes are bad 😊xx